Anxiety in a Relationship

Anxiety in a Relationship

You may find yourself struggling with anxiety while being in a relationship. But, what is anxiety and what is the best way to deal with it?

Anxiety is as a manifestation of chronic stress and doubts that leaves you feeling constantly worried, frustrated, restless and edgy. Anxiety can be caused by personal issues, your partner’s behaviour or relationship problems. Anxiety can cause relationship problems as well as come as a result of unresolved issues in your relationship.

In this article, you will learn about different causes of anxiety, how it affects a relationship and the best way you can deal wit it.

The information in this article is not a medical or health advice. If you are experiencing signs of anxiety or are concerned about stress, please contact a medical practitioner.

What Is Anxiety?

Anxiety is a persistent worry, or a chronic suffering, or a habit of worry. Typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome. When you are anxious you can experience a sense of nervousness and unease.

Here’s the definition of doubts, according to the Merriam-webster dictionary:

What Does Anxiety Look Like in a Relationship?

When you are in a relationship there are many occasions when you can feel nervous and unease. The causes can be not knowing how your relationship is going, your own feelings, your partner’s feelings, your life as a couple and the future together.

Is It Normal to Have Anxiety in a Relationship?

Having some feelings of nervousness, uncertainty and insecurity are normal in our lives and in our relationships. Those are the feelings that every person experiences at some point in their life.

People usually tend to feel uncertain and unease in relationships when they are worried or they see an uncertain future. But, just because it’s normal, it doesn’t mean its healthy.

If these feelings turn into chronic anxiety, predominating over other more positive emotions, they can become an issue. Chronic anxiety will negative impact your life and your relationship.

What Causes Anxiety in a Relationship?

Anxiety can be caused by

  • Personal issues
  • Your partner’s behaviour
  • Problems in your relationship
  • Having a relationship with someone who has anxiety.

You can have relationship anxiety because of:

  • Relationship doubts
  • Uncertainty
  • Starting a relationship
  • Relationship ending
  • Insecurity
  • New relationship after divorce
  • After being cheated on
  • Abandonment
  • After a relationship breakup
  • Over relationship commitment
  • Lack of communication
  • After a toxic relationship

To start addressing anxiety issues in your relationship, you need to identify what’s causing it.

How Can a Relationship Create Anxiety?

A relationship can create anxiety when there’s no understanding between you and your partner. This can be because of different points of view, values or beliefs.

If you and your partner are constantly arguing, your relationship will become unhealthy and you will be worrying and have doubts about it.

When you and your partner have different interests, you may be compromising to please your partner. This will eventually cause you anxiety.

Separation Anxiety in a Relationship

Separation anxiety is quite prominent in children who are separated from their parents for the first time. When it comes to romantic relationships, normal separation anxiety can be felt if you or your partner have to travel for work.

However, if you start worrying and feeling anxious after you just saw each other and gone home separately. Then, you are developing separation anxiety.

When you are feeling anxious for most of your relationship, and even more so after you saw each other. It is is not a sustainable way of having a relationship.

How Anxiety Affects a Relationship?

Personal anxiety can ruin your relationship. At the same time, unresolved relationship problems can lead to anxiety as well.

Anxiety can affect your relationship in a number of ways depending on the two factors:

  1. What is causing it, and
  2. How you handle it individually and as a couple.

If the anxiety is related to your relationship then, it’s up to you as a couple to work on it together.

If the anxiety is caused by personal issues, you can support each other. But, it’s up to the individual to resolve their personal issues and get professional help if needed.

If anxiety becomes too much for you to handle, it can become a chronic issue and start to have negative effects into your life. With anxiety, you feel nervous, afraid, and frustrated.

You may also experience depression, which will leave you feeling sad, helpless, and hopeless. Combine these feelings, and your life becomes a misery.

Depression and anxiety can be something that you have developed from your past experiences. In this case, it would help if you were to work it out before creating a relationship. Otherwise, you will carry your unresolved issues into your relationships.

Relationship anxiety if ignored can be detrimental for your mental and physical well-being. You and your partner will suffer and your relationship will be less enjoyable, which can get to the point of breaking up.

Common Relationship Problems Caused by Anxiety

  • Frequent arguments
  • Drifting apart
  • Losing feelings
  • Not wanting to be together
  • Lack of emotional and physical intimacy

Anxiety can become a problem is you don’t learn to manage it. Then anxiety can cause more issues to your personal life and to your relationship.

However, if your relationship is causing you to feel this way, maybe it’s time to reconsider being in such a relationship.

Signs of Anxiety in a Relationship

Anxiety is a chronic manifestation of stress, doubts and insecurities.

Some of the common signs that you are experiencing anxiety in your relationship:

  • Restlessness
  • Constant worry
  • Irritability
  • Lack of focus
  • Sleepiness
  • Lack of Interest in life
  • Panic attacks
  • Anger
  • Depression
  • Headaches
  • Muscle aches and pains
  • Increase blood pressure
  • Upset stomach
  • Loss of libido
  • Social isolation

Dealing with Anxiety in a Relationship

There are many ways to deal with anxiety in a relationship. First of all, you should know the source of your stress. The uncertainties you have are the reason that you feel nervous and frustrated most of the time. Making a plan for your relationship can be a good place to start.

Having a plan and a timeline for your relationship will give you reassurance and guidance on where your relationship is going. When you know where your relationship is going, you can prepare and plan for it.

If you are uncertain about your feelings and your connection with your partner, working on your communication skills can do wonders. It’s worth taking the time to learn how to communicate effectively with your partner so that you can maintain an emotional connection.

Having a plan for your relationship will help you set the dates for the milestones you want to achieve in your relationship. If you do the above, anxiety should be less of a problem. If it is caused by the fact of not knowing where your relationship is going, or because you’ve been in a casual relationship for too long.

One thing that may help you deal with anxiety in your relationship is to develop understanding with your partner by improving your communication. If you are struggling and don’t know where to begin, book a coaching session to set you in the right direction.

How to Deal with Anxiety in a Relationship?

Step 1

Identify who is having anxiety and what is causing it.

This can help you and your partner identify WHO is having anxiety.

There are four possibilities:

  1. You having anxiety caused by this relationship.
  2. You having anxiety caused by your personal issues.
  3. Your partner having anxiety caused by this relationship.
  4. Your partner having anxiety caused by their personal issues.

Step 2

Explore the root cause of this anxiety further.

Once you identify who is experience anxiety, you can focus on what is causing it.

Let’s take a look at the most common sources of anxiety related to a relationship and to personal issues.

  1. When the cause of anxiety is the relationship itself.

Anxiety about:

  • Starting a relationship
  • Having a relationship
  • Ending a relationship
  1. Your anxiety caused by your personal issues and insecurities while having a relationship.
  2. Having a relationship with a partner who has anxiety.

Step 3

Deal with the anxiety, work together with your partner and try to address the causes of this anxiety and see ways to manage it. If you find dealing with anxiety too much, is best to get professional help.

How to Deal with Someone with Anxiety in a Relationship?

When you are in a relationship with a person who has chronic anxiety, try to be patient and caring with them. Anxiety can be overwhelming and can override anything that makes sense or is reasonable to think or do.

If your partner has an anxiety episode, one thing you can do is be there for them. Take the time to listen without criticism judgement or impatience. On many occasions, just being present can mean the whole world to the person who is feeling anxious or depressed.

Ending a Relationship Because of Anxiety

If your anxiety is caused by the relationship. It’s worth addressing the issues you are having with your partner in order to eliminate the source of this anxiety. If you cannot find the solution to your problems get in touch and we will be able to help you.

In the case where you are feeling anxiety and the problems are too far gone. It is healthy to take some time away from your relationship. During this time you can reflect on the anxiety and the problems you face.

Once you are in a better emotional place it will be easier to objectively reflect on yourself and your relationship. In doing so, you will be able to see more clearly what went wrong and what you can do better in the future.


When you find yourself anxious, or when your partner becomes nervous, the best thing you can do is talk about your thoughts and feelings to each other. The moment you discuss them out in the open, they will have less power over you.

If you are a right match with your partner and both of you can handle uncertainties there is no reason why you can’t make your relationship work.

However, suppose chronic anxiety is part of your relationship, and you don’t know how to handle it. In that case, you may be better off having a break from your relationship and taking some time to work in yourself.

You could choose to remain friends with your partner. They can support you in an unconditional way while you are having professional help dealing with the anxiety.

Getting Help to Deal with Anxiety in Your Relationship

Tips on Dealing with Insecurity in Your Relationship

  • Don’t ignore your worries
  • Identify your feelings
  • Find the cause of your anxiety
  • Talk to your partner about different ways you can address your issues
  • Consider taking some time apart to have some personal space to reflect on your feelings and circumstances in a calmer estate of mind

If you don’t know how to deal with doubts and you need professional help and advice, get in touch and we’ll be happy to help!

Frequently Asked Questions

Can anxiety ruin a relationship?

Yes, anxiety can put strain in your relationship. Unless you address it in time, you may end up in a toxic relationship, which you may have to end.

Can anxiety affect a relationship?

Anxiety can negatively impact a relationship particularly if it’s left unaddressed for a long time.

Can anxiety cause jealousy?

It’s more likely that jealousy may cause anxiety than the other way around.

Can being in a relationship cause anxiety?

Relationships have a lot of uncertainties. If you spend a lot of time alone with your thoughts and you tend to have negative thoughts, doubts, and insecurities. You will likely start having negative assumptions about your relationship. These assumptions can turn into beliefs and can make you feel even more nervous.

Can you get anxiety in a relationship?

Anxiety can be caused by your personal issues or because your relationship itself. Usually unresolved problems that lead to stress can leave you feeling anxious.

How to be in a relationship when you have anxiety?

The best way to deal with anxiety in a relationship is to talk about your feelings with your partner. We all feeling afraid nervous and frustrated at some point in our lives. The problem with chronic anxiety is when it persist and impact your life experience and your relationship. If talking to your partner isn’t enough, consider getting help from a professional.

How to know if you have anxiety in a relationship?

Anxiety can manifests as a feeling of constant stress, restlessness and frustration among others.

How to know if it’s a gut feeling or anxiety?

To distinguish between them, you need to be in touch with yourself, your feelings and your needs.

Can being in a relationship help anxiety?

It’s better to address your anxiety before you start a relationship, as it will put more pressure in your partner and your relationship.

How to overcome anxiety in a relationship?

1. Identify the cause of the anxiety
2. ry to work it out by yourself or with your partner
3. Get professional help

How to Stop Relationship Anxiety?

Once you identified the reason for your anxiety. You can involve your partner to help you out. Or get in touch if you need professional help.

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