Arguments in a Relationship

Arguments in a Relationship

Arguments are considered part of any relationship. But, is it possible to have a relationship without them?

In a relationship, sooner or later you will have disagreements. The way you handle these arguments will set the tone for the future of your relationship. A healthy way to handle conflicts is to discuss your preferences with your partner and take the time to understand their point of view. The moment you start fighting over your disagreements, you will end up fighting every time you have different opinions.

In this article, we’ll explore a more loving and healthier way to handle your disagreements instead of arguing and fighting all the time.


What Does it Mean to Have Arguments in a Relationship?

Let’s have a look at what arguments are. Here’s the definition of arguments according to the Merriam-webster dictionary:

1: a statement or series of statements for or against something

2: a discussion in which people express different opinions about something

3: an angry disagreement : quarrel

Is It Ok to Have Arguments in a Relationship?

There is a fundamental difference between arguments and disagreements. When you interact with other people, everyone has their opinion. These opinions may differ, which will then result in a disagreement. A healthy disagreement is a discussion with an intention to understand different points of view on the same subject.

An argument is a discussion of different opinions with emotional involvement.

Generally, we are more emotional involved with things that are important to us. Relationships are very personal, so every topic you discuss with your partner has a degree of emotional involvement. That’s why, it can be difficult to have an objective discussion with your partner, particularly, if you disagree on something.

It’s normal and healthy to disagree on things. What makes the difference is the way you handle these disagreements. It’s healthy to express your thoughts, feelings, ideas and opinions freely to your partner. It’s also healthy for your partner to express their feelings, worries and concerns


What Causes Arguments in Relationships?

You are likely to have arguments about things you view differently. The question is, do you see them differently because of your values and beliefs or because you want to be right.

Here are some of the typical causes for arguments in relationships

  • Bad communication
  • Lack of interest in the relaitonship
  • Unwillingness to spend time and effort to solve a problem
  • Inability to see your partner’s point of view because of personal insecurities
  • Being too emotional about a topic you are discussing
  • Inability to objectively reflect on your different points of view

Common Arguments in a Relationship

Here are some common causes that cause arguments in relationships:

  • Money issues
  • Daily chores
  • The amount of time you spend together
  • Inability to communicate your thoughts, feelings and desires
  • Family duties
  • Lack of physical intimacy
  • Lack of emotional intimacy
  • Insecurities that lead to jealousy
  • Perception of unfairness
  • Different sexual needs
  • Not spending enough time together
  • Ignoring the problems instead of looking for ways to solve them
  • Your expectations
  • Your partner is not a priority or you are not a priority for your partner

How Arguments Affect a Relationship?

Arguments can negatively impact your relationship in many ways. When every discussion results in an argument, you will be less willing and less interested to have conversations in the future.

When you avoid discussing different problems, they pile up, slowly turning your relationship into a hardship.

On the other hand, if you can have a healthy and interesting conversation, you will be more excited about talking to each other. It will be also easier to bring different topics knowing you can have a healthy discussion, understand each other, and solve any issues you may face.


Signs that Your Arguments Are Destroying Your Relationship

  • You are arguing about nothing important
  • Your arguments are more and more frequent
  • You start calling each other names during your arguments
  • You or your partner bring up previous issued that were meant to have been resolved
  • You are blaming each other during your arguments
  • You or your partner give ultimatums
  • You use words as “always” or “never” during your arguments
  • You are comparing each other with your parents and you voice it out
  • You are afraid to bring up sensitive topics
  • You rather be quiet than start a conversation
  • During a discussion, you feel unheard and misunderstood
  • Instead of hearing each other you are trying to make them see your point view
  • You or your partner want to be right or win the fight
  • You can’t have a conversation without ending into an argument
  • You are fed up of the situation

How to Handle Arguments in a Relationship?

When you are having disagreements and arguments separate your emotions from the issue at hand. If you are feeling overwhelmed take some time alone to relax and calm down before attempting to resolve the problems.

When you and your partner have different preferences to yours. It’s likely that a lot of emotions are associated with your preferences. If you struggle to express your preferences and handle your feelings clearly and effectively, you risk having arguments and fight with your partner.

You might be tempted to suppress your self-expression to avoid a fight. This is unhealthy because this oppression will gradually eat away at you and your relationship.

At the same time, if you don’t express in the right way, your partner can misinterpret what you are saying. They may become defensive if they see your self-expression as a personal attack on them or their behaviour.

So, it’s healthy to express all that’s on your mind to your partner, but in the right way. When you do that, you will automatically avoid fights. Instead, you can hear each other out and understand both points of view.

How to End Arguments in a Relationship?

Find the way to manage your emotions and objectively approach topics at hand, and hear each other out.

The key to fixing your relationship after a fight is to understand what caused the conflict. Once you know the reason for fighting, you can get to the bottom of it, to the source of your disagreement.

When you are ready to hear each other, you can have a calm discussion, and talk about things you disagree on. This time try to handle the disagreement in a better way. You can do so by having and applying open and transparent communication.

Follow the next three steps when you are handling your arguments:

  1. Create a calm and safe environment where you feel at peace and relax
  2. Approach the topic at hand as objectively as you can
  3. Take time to hear your partner out and understand their point of view

The goal is to turn your argument into a discussion. Recognise that your opinions may differ and that’s ok.

However, be careful and don’t just say ‘sorry’. Most of the time, it’s pointless to apologise and move on. It doesn’t contribute to your relationship because it doesn’t help you understand your behaviour that led to the argument in the first place.

On the other hand, trying to understand how you ended up having an argument will help you to do a better job handling your disagreements next time.


Ending a Relationship Because of Arguments

When to End a Relationship Because of Arguments?

  • Every discussion turns into an argument
  • You cannot discuss any topics without them turning into a fight
  • You cannot resolve any problems because you are too emotional or judgemental about your situation
  • You no longer enjoy talking to your partner
  • You avoid being together as much as possible

Continuing a relationship where you are having arguments is unhealthy. Unresolved problems will pile up, you will avoid talking to each other and with time you’ll end up drifting apart.

How to End a Relationship Because of Arguments?

  1. Check that you’ve done all you could on your part to have healthy discussions. And, that nothing that you’ve tried has made any difference.
  2. Bring up your intention to end the relationship to your partner to give both of you the last chance to fix your relationship.
  3. Consider having some time apart to see if it changes the dynamic in your relationship.

If you find that you are happier when you are not together, call it a day and move on.


Conclusion

When you have arguments and fights, you see your partner as an enemy. Take the time to remind yourself that you are in this relationship together, on the same team, with the same goals.

Relationship arguments would not exist in your relationship if you and your partner are able to communicate your wants, needs, preferences, and opinions in an objective and loving way. In doing so, you will avoid the need to be defensive.

You will be able to solve any issues f you and your partner have the ability to listen to one another without taking it personally.

When you are having arguments in your relationship, and you want to get your relationship on track but don’t know how. A relationship coach can provide you guidance and support to identify the problems and suggest ways to fix them.

That said, if you are really tired of this relationship and have no interest on making it work, you may consider ending it and move on.

Summarising, when you are having arguments in your relationship you have three options:

  1. Find a way to build understanding and connection
  2. Stay in an unhealthy relationship that deteriorates over time without doing anything to improve it
  3. End your relationship and move on

Help and Advice for a Relationship with Arguments

Tips to Deal with Arguments in Your Relationship

  • Approach the topics that cause arguments more objectively
  • Manage your emotions
  • Respect each other’s points of view
  • Take time to hear each other out
  • Don’t take it personally
  • If you are struggling to handle arguments in your relationship consider getting professional help

If you don’t know how to deal with this fear and you need professional help and advice, get in touch and we’ll be happy to help!


Frequently Asked Questions

What causes most arguments in a relationship?

• Lack of understanding
• Unwillingness to see your partner’s point of view
• Bad communication
• Personal insecurities getting on the way to hear your partner’s point of view

Is it normal to have arguments in a relationship?

While it’s common for couples to argue, it’s it not a sign of a healthy relationship.

What is a relationship without fights?

The couples that fight over money are the ones that cannot have an objective discussion about. For such couples, money issues is one of many other problems they cannot resolve.

Why do couples fight over money?

The couples that fight over money are the ones that cannot have an objective discussion about. For such couples, money issues is one of many other problems they cannot resolve.

Are relationship arguments healthy?

Relationship arguments are not healthy. They destroy your relationship in many different ways.

Is a relationship without arguments healthy?

Yes, when you can talk peacefully about your disagreements is a healthy way to communicate and resolve problems.

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