Doubts in a Relationship

Have you ever found yourself wondering whether your feelings are “normal”?

Well, guess what? If you’ve ever questioned your relationship, you’re not alone.

Relationship doubts are super common and are a normal part of the relationship journey, and they don’t necessarily mean trouble ahead. Doubt originates from uncertainties and insecurities. And, relationships are full of uncertainties. Common relationship doubts range from practical things like planning a holiday to whether or not your partner still loves you. People often doubt their feelings, partner’s behaviour or any other aspect of their relationship. While it’s normal to have doubts in a relationship, it’s best to address them early on, before a simple doubt becomes a serious problem.

In this article, we’re going to delve into the world of relationship doubts and explore whether they spell trouble or are just a sign that you’re a human being in a relationship.

Doubts can be like warning lights on a dashboard, telling you it’s time to check under the hood. So, let’s explore why doubts happen and how to handle them without hitting the panic button.

Understanding Relationship Doubts

Relationships are like roller coasters, full of ups and downs. Doubts are those unexpected twists and turns that can leave you wondering if you’re on the right track. But before we unravel the mysteries of doubts, let’s understand what they really are.

Here’s the definition of doubts, according to the Merriam-webster dictionary:

1. To be uncertain about (something): to believe that (something) may not be true or is unlikely
2. To have no confidence in (someone or something)

Relationships can be wonderfully fulfilling, but they’re also complex, and uncertainty is an inherent part of the journey. So, what exactly are relationship doubts?

At their core, relationship doubts are those moments when you question your connection with your partner. You may doubt your partner’s honesty, compatibility, or even being on the same page about the future. These doubts can range from minor uncertainties to more serious concerns, but one point to remember is that experiencing doubts doesn’t automatically mean your relationship is doomed.

It’s important to realise that these feelings are part of the human experience. Nobody’s perfect, and no relationship is without its challenges.

We all often doubt ourselves and the world around us. When we are feeling uncertain about something in particular, all sorts of doubts arise about various aspects of our lives.

Insecurity can lead to self-doubt. A fleeting doubt can leave you feeling uncertain. When doubt is left unaddressed, it can lead you down a spiral of negative thoughts. These thoughts have the potential to affect your mood, and with time, your behaviour. This alone can be enough to compromise an otherwise happy relationship.

A common source of relationship doubts is the baggage from past relationships. As humans, we tend to learn from past experiences, for the most part. If you’ve had a bad experience in your past relationship, your present relationship might suffer, without you even knowing. So, keep an eye on this and don’t let the baggage from your past relationship poison a new relationship.

In romantic relationships, a common doubt people have is if they are with the wrong person. If this persists, consider spending time with your partner to talk about your concerns. They are the only person who can tell you what they think and how they feel, so create a safe space and let your partner share their inner world with you.

You can speculate what your partner’s behaviour means, but you won’t know until you talk to them. Even at this point, you rely on your partner’s honesty to realise what’s really going on.

Is It Normal to Have Doubts in a Relationship?

A doubt alerts you that something isn’t right and that some aspect of your life or your relationship needs your attention.

Sometimes relationship doubts are unfounded, and other times they signal that something isn’t quite right and it makes sense to reassess your relationship. So, while it’s totally normal to have doubts, it’s always worth checking if a particular doubt is an inner voice of insecurity or if it’s a red flag that requires your proactive involvement.

Doubting your partner can lead to distrust and tension in the relationship.

Relationship doubt can leave you confused and worried about the future. To deal with nagging doubts, it’s important to have clarity about the things that bother you.

When a person has serious doubts, it can significantly affect any aspect of their life.

Once you feel unsure, you experience a lot of confusion. Your mind is entangled with thoughts, emotions and the pressure of making the right decision.

Unaddressed doubts can lead to negative thoughts and emotional turmoil, taking up your time and energy. With time, they tend to increase in intensity and become more persistent, negatively affecting you and influencing your behaviour, your life, your health and every new relationship.

At some point, you may feel powerless and stuck in this situation without seeing a way out. You can become overwhelmed and respond to this situation by shutting down. There’s a chance you will ignore your feelings and circumstances which may eventually result in depression.

Common Relationship Doubts

When it comes to relationship doubts, people often have several common questions swirling in their minds. Here are five of the most common questions:

1. “Is it normal to have doubts in my relationship?”
   People frequently wonder if their doubts are a sign of a failing relationship or if it’s something that everyone experiences. Self-doubt is a common issue that can stem from personal insecurities. It’s not uncommon for a person to doubt their own feelings about their partner or the relationship.
2. “How do I know if these doubts are valid or just my insecurities?”
   Distinguishing between legitimate concerns and personal insecurities can be challenging. People often grapple with whether their doubts have a solid foundation or are simply a reflection of their own uncertainties.
3. “Should I talk to my partner about my doubts, and how do I approach the conversation?”
   Communication is key, but initiating a conversation about doubts can be intimidating. People often seek advice on how to broach the topic with their partner.
4. “Can our relationship survive these doubts, or is it a sign we should break up?”
   While it’s normal to have doubts about the future of a relationship, particularly a new relationship, sometimes a doubt can actually be a red flag that you should pay attention to. A reflection with your partner should give you some clarity if the relationship has the potential to improve or if it’s time to end it.
5. “When is it time to seek professional help for our relationship doubts?”
   Knowing when to involve a relationship coach or a relationship therapist is a common concern. People want to understand if their doubts have reached a level where professional guidance is necessary. We’ll explore this in detail later on, but first, let’s consider the common reasons why a person may doubt their relationship.

Common Reasons for Relationship Doubts

Doubts about your relationship can be caused by many factors like your own feelings, past experiences, and even societal pressures. Understanding these triggers can help you navigate every relationship’s doubts more effectively.

Relationship doubts are like unexpected guests at a party – they show up unannounced and can be quite perplexing. But understanding why they crash the scene can help us manage them better. Here are some common reasons behind those pesky doubts:

1. Communication issues

One of the most common culprits for relationship doubts is communication breakdown. When you and your partner aren’t on the same page or struggle to express your thoughts, needs, and emotions, it can lead to misunderstanding and doubt about whether you’re truly connecting. It’s like trying to solve a puzzle with missing pieces.

Example: Imagine feeling that your partner doesn’t listen to you or doesn’t understand your perspective, causing you to doubt the quality of your communication. In this case, a doubt is a red flag suggesting that that you need to have a serious talk with your partner and find a way to improve communication.

2. External influences

Sometimes, doubts are fueled by external factors such as well-meaning friends and family offering unsolicited advice or societal expectations that can make you question your choices.

Friends’ opinions or comparing your relationship to others on social media can make you question what you have. Remember, every relationship is unique, and comparison rarely leads to clarity.

Example: Your friends or a family member might express concerns about your partner’s behaviour, leading you to doubt your own judgment. While your family and friends usually have your best interest at heart, it doesn’t mean they are right. Even your most trusted friend can have their own agenda. That said, you shouldn’t ignore their feedback because they might see something you don’t. If in doubt, speak to a relationship therapist or a coach to get a neutral and unbiased perspective.

3. Personal insecurities

Our own insecurities, like feeling unworthy or fearing rejection, can be a breeding ground for doubts. These doubts often have more to do with our self-perception than the actual state of the relationship.

Past experiences and personal insecurities can also play a significant role in relationship doubts. If you’ve been hurt in past experiences, those old wounds can resurface, causing you to question whether your current partner is different.

Example: Past relationships where trust was broken might make you hyper-aware of any signs of dishonesty in your current partner, even if they’ve done nothing wrong. Try to keep an eye on the signs without jumping to premature conclusions. Every person has insecurities, so are you going to be one of the few who can face them, even if it takes getting help from a relationship therapist or couples coach?

4. Uncertainty in a new relationship

The early stages of a new relationship can be particularly uncertain. It’s totally normal to wonder if a new partner is the right fit for you. Naturally, you want to avoid being with the wrong person, especially when you’re still getting to know each other. You may doubt if this person will fit into your life, your social circle and how they will get on with your family. In this case, the desire to get things right for your future is a legitimate concern.

Example: You might question whether you and your new partner share the same goals and core values, leading to doubts about the relationship’s long-term potential. Give yourself time to get to know the other person before you talk about serious future commitments.

5. Past baggage

Sometimes, doubts aren’t even about your current partner; they’re about past experiences. Unresolved issues from previous relationships can give rise to negative thoughts, creating serious doubts.

Understanding these common triggers for relationship doubts is the first step in addressing them. In the next sections, we’ll explore warning signs and practical ways to manage and overcome these doubts to build a happy and healthy relationship.

Warning Signs of Relationship Doubts

Every doubt is a potential red flag about the potential issue in your relationship. Keep an eye on some of the following warning signs:

1. Persistent communication issues
2. Lack of trust
3. Constant worry or anxiety
4. Feeling unfulfilled
5. Conflict escalation
6. Incompatibility
7. Lack of emotional intimacy
8. Loss of attraction
9. Consistent negative thoughts, worry and anxiety
10. Feeling stuck
11. Avoidance of difficult conversations
12. Emotional withdrawal
13. Compared to past relationships and previous partners
14. Loss of future vision
15. Consistent doubts about future commitment
16. Physical or emotional neglect
17. One-sided effort
18. Feeling unheard or unseen
19. Loss of interest in shared activities
20. Escalating arguments
21. You don’t talk as much
22. When you talk, your partner doesn’t listen
23. Your old wounds from past relationships affect your present relationship
24. Your partner is no longer your most trusted friend
25. You have an insecure attachment
26. You seem preoccupied with something but nothing in particular
27. Partner’s behaviour is increasingly more snappy
28. You don’t feel comfortable around your partner
29. You feel insecure in your relationship
30. Your relationship doesn’t have a clear direction
31. You no longer have romantic feelings
32. You don’t enjoy each other’s company
33. Your relationship has become boring
34. Problems are piling up and you don’t know how to fix them
35. You are no longer interested in making this relationship work
36. Insecure attachment

If you notice any of these signs, follow the next steps to deal with each doubt in a healthy and constructive way.

How to Deal with Relationship Doubts

Doubts come from the insecurity and uncertainty you are feeling because of the decisions you are making or are about to make. Doubts can manifest as a feeling of worry without the motivation to do anything about it.

A person in doubt often continues to worry about something without any action to address the issue and solve the problem. While doubts are a natural part of relationships, how you deal with them, can make a significant difference.

Here are five practical steps to deal with doubts and keep your relationship on track:

Step 1: Acknowledge That Doubts Are Normal

Every day we face many uncertainties about ourselves, our relationships and the world around us. Uncertainty is part of life. But, very often it leaves us feeling scared and insecure.

It’s entirely normal to have doubts in a relationship. Moreover, they don’t necessarily indicate a failing relationship but are part of the human experience.

It’s totally normal to feel unsure at times. By learning how to deal with uncertainty in a healthy way, you will realise that you have the power to create an amazing relationship.

When a person feels insecure, they may see uncertainty as something negative and fearful. This can lead to this person being on guard all the time, even when there isn’t anything to worry about.

Address one doubt at a time. Make a list of things that bother you and any relationship doubts that your partner shared with you. Once you have them written down, you can address your doubts one by one.

Insecurities can stem from limiting beliefs that may originate from as far back as your childhood. Identifying these beliefs is key to recognising insecurities and dealing with them in a healthy way.

To overcome doubts that come as a result of insecurities, identify the source or your insecurities.

• This is more of a long-term process that requires dedication, commitment, effort and time.
• Set realistic expectations for your life and the future of your relationship.
• Don’t aim to figure everything out right away.
• Unrealistic expectations can put extra pressure on you, your partner and your relationship.

Relationships come with many uncertainties. Uncertainty can turn into a doubt and put extra pressure on your relationship. While doubts in a relationship are totally normal, you should know which of the many factors are causing them, so you can deal with each doubt in the right way.

Step 2: Engage in Self-Reflection and Validation

Self-awareness can be a powerful tool to help you distinguish between unfounded doubts and genuine concerns. Take time to reflect on the source of your doubts. Are they based on valid concerns or personal insecurities? Validate your feelings and try to understand their origin.

Addressing doubts can be a motivation to work on your self-esteem, self-love, and self-confidence. When you feel better about yourself, it can positively impact your relationship.

Doubts sometimes stem from our own insecurities or past experiences. Take the time to reflect on your own feelings.

• Ask yourself if your concerns are grounded in reality or if they’re more about your inner struggles.
• Are your doubts based on current issues or past baggage?
• Consider them as old wounds surfacing, giving you a chance to heal and become more secure in yourself.
• Reflect on your relationship in a calm and objective manner.
• Take the time to assess the ins and outs of your relationship and discuss them with your partner.
• Be upfront and honest with each other about your feelings, circumstances and your relationship.

Doubts appear when we face a decision. The more important the decision, the more emotional we become about making the right choice.

To deal with relationship doubts, start by identifying the uncertainties you are facing right now in your life.

Every doubt on your mind is worth considering and addressing as soon as it arises, so you can identify an issue early on before it becomes a more serious problem.

If in doubt, ask yourself: Are your lack of clarity is based on something objective or is it caused by your insecurities?

• Reasonable doubts are the ones that are based on facts and observable behaviour.
• Doubts that come from insecurities are harder to identify and deal with.

After you get some clarity, you will be in a better position to recognise the specific problem.

Once you know the problem, provided you are emotionally grounded and take time to reflect on your situation. Then, it will be easier to find a solution.

Step 3: Initiate Open and Honest Communication

Initiate a conversation with your partner about your concerns. Be open, honest, and non-confrontational. Share your concerns, and encourage your partner to express their emotions and perspectives as well.

Effective communication looks somewhat different in a new relationship or an established relationship. One point of note is that in a long-term relationship, an expectation of trust has a bigger impact on the relationship dynamic. Whereas in a new relationship, while trust isn’t fully developed, every relationship doubt has merit.

Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship, and addressing your concerns together can strengthen that trust and help you get ahead of any relationship doubt that comes your way.

Improve communication

Being on the same page is a healthy part of any relationship. The foundation of a healthy relationship is open and honest communication. When doubts arise, don’t bottle them up. Talk to your partner about what you’re feeling.

Share your concerns, fears, and uncertainties. Encourage them to do the same. This can build understanding and bring you closer together. By talking with your partner and being honest about how you feel, you can create a space for understanding and empathy. It’s like clearing the air in a stuffy room; suddenly, everything feels fresher.

Share your concerns with your partner

• Recognise that you are feeling worried and uncertain.
• See if you can connect it to anything in particular.
• Share your discoveries and reflections with your partner.

Unexpressed concerns that are left unaddressed can accumulate, creating stress and negatively impacting your relationship.

Uncertainty is subjective, meaning that one person may see uncertainty as exciting and adventurous, while another person could experience a great deal of stress from the unknown. That’s why it’s important that both you and your partner share your views with each other, so you can see each other’s point of view.

Some people find it difficult to express their thoughts and emotions. It can also be challenging to hear the other person when you are overwhelmed with emotions yourself.

Take the time to talk about your challenges regarding communication, if you have any. It could also help create the time and space for each of you to express your concerns and then have a separate conversation to hear each other out.

In a healthy relationship, you should be able to express any doubt you have to your partner without reservations. If you don’t share your concerns with your partner, they won’t be able to help you.

The only way you can work things out with your partner is if you have open and transparent communication. Open communication means that you can express your emotions to your partner freely, without fear of them judging you.

Effective communication also means that you can hear your partner out and understand their point of you. Your partner may see things differently from you. This is totally normal.

To create a happy and healthy relationship, you and your partner must trust each other and be willing to understand each other’s point of you.

You may be uncertain about how your partner feels about you. A healthy way to deal with this uncertainty is to ask your partner directly. To do this, you need to trust your partner’s honesty about how they feel.

Let’s say you have something on your mind that bothers you and you choose not to share it with your partner. With time, this thought turns into a doubt.

You may start thinking about what if your partner doesn’t love you. Then your mind can start creating stories based on this negative assumption.

If you don’t express your concerns and concerns to your partner, they will grow in your mind and can become an issue. Unresolved issues become problems that can destroy your relationship. Check out our article about common relationship problems so you can avoid the mistakes many couples make.

Bringing up emotional topics can be difficult emotionally and practically. To make it easier, we have created a step-by-step guide that will help you and your partner have healthy conversations. Use this guide to express yourself, share your concerns and find a way to address them.

PRO TIP: Try to avoid discussing your doubts and your partner’s doubts in the same video call. Dedicate each call to one person.

Actively listen

Listening is just as important as talking. It’s not just about expressing your doubts; it’s also about actively listening to your partner. When your partner shares their concerns, be an active listener.

• Put down your phone, make eye contact, and truly hear what they’re saying.
• Make an effort to understand their perspective.
• Sometimes, concerns can be addressed through empathetic conversations.

If you have an amazing partner who is a natural listener, you are in luck. However, more often than not, listening is a skill that needs to be learned. Without it, good communication and a fulfilling relationship is impossible. Should you face this particular challenge, get in touch with us. We specialise in helping partners express themselves and listen to each other. This alone is often enough to turn the whole relationship around.

Be empathetic and understanding

Empathy goes a long way in resolving doubts.

• Put yourself in your partner’s shoes.
• Try to understand their emotions and motivations.
• Aim to understand their point of view and acknowledge their feelings, even if they differ from your own.

Step 4: Assess the Potential for Growth

Evaluate whether your concerns can be resolved through communication, understanding, and effort from both sides. Consider the potential for growth and positive change in the relationship.

When doubts start to feel overwhelming, remember that nobody’s perfect, and seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Trusted friends, family, or professionals like a relationship coach or therapist can provide valuable support. They can help you navigate the maze of doubts, deal with any deal breakers, and recognise potential red flags.

Together, you can work on building a healthy part of your relationship while addressing serious issues.

Step 5: Seek Professional Help When Needed

If doubts persist and you find it challenging to make progress, don’t hesitate to seek professional feedback. A relationship coach or family therapist can provide valuable insights and strategies to address underlying issues.

While open communication and self-reflection can go a long way in addressing relationship doubts, there are times when seeking professional guidance becomes a valuable resource. Here, we’ll explore when it might make sense to reach out to a relationship coach, therapist, or counsellor for guidance.

• Persistent Doubts: If doubts persist despite your best efforts to communicate and understand each other, it may be a sign that there are deeper issues at play. A relationship coach or therapist can help you uncover and address these underlying concerns.
• Deal Breakers: Sometimes, doubts revolve around deal-breakers, such as trust, core values, or life goals. A professional can assist you in navigating these critical decisions and provide guidance on whether the relationship can continue in a healthy way.
• Red Flags: If you notice consistent red flags in your partner’s behaviour, it’s essential to take them seriously. A trained relationship therapist or relationship coach can help you assess the situation objectively and provide guidance on how to address potential problems.
• Long-Term Relationships: For couples in long-term relationships, doubts can become more complex. A couples therapist can offer tools and strategies to rekindle the connection and address issues that have accumulated over time.
• Monogamous Relationships: In a monogamous relationship, doubts about exclusivity or fidelity can be particularly distressing. A professional can facilitate open and honest discussions and help you rebuild trust if it has been compromised.

Here are some reasons why getting a couples therapist can be a good idea:

• It’s a Sign of Strength First and foremost, seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. It shows that you’re committed to your relationship’s well-being and willing to do whatever it takes to make it work.
• Neutral Perspective A professional, like a relationship coach or therapist, offers a neutral perspective. They can help you both see things from a different angle, free from personal biases or emotions. It’s like having a trusted guide on a challenging hike.
• Effective Communication Professional guidance can equip you with better communication tools and strategies. They can teach you how to express yourselves clearly and listen more effectively, making those doubts easier to tackle.
• Problem-Solving Skills Coaches and therapists are skilled in helping couples identify underlying issues and develop practical solutions. They can guide you toward a more harmonious and fulfilling relationship.
• A Safe Space In a coaching or therapy session, you and your partner have a safe and structured space to address concerns and doubts. It’s an environment where both of you can be heard and understood.

Remember, seeking professional help is not a sign of weakness but a proactive step towards building a healthy and happy relationship. A good relationship therapist will help you gain clarity, find emotional balance and identify the specific problem that you are facing in your life and relationship right now.

These steps aim to help individuals navigate relationship doubts by acknowledging their normalcy, understanding their origin, promoting open communication, assessing the relationship’s potential for improvement, and seeking professional guidance when necessary. Remember that dealing with doubts is a process that requires patience, effort, and a willingness to work together with your partner.

Tips for dealing with doubts about your relationship:

• Acknowledge you are worried
• Realise you are having doubts
• Identify the source of your insecurities
• Reflect on how they affect you and your relationship
• Share your concerns with your partner
• Question what you are thinking (rational thinking)
• Assess your emotions (depending on your degree of involvement)
• Realise if you are having moralistic judgements.
• Unresolved concerns can leave you feeling stuck in a cycle of worry without the motivation to take action.
• Inaction can exacerbate anxiety and lead to a toxic relationship.
• Always involve your partner when dealing with relationship doubts.

For those moments when doubts persist or revolve around deal-breaker issues, getting a family therapist or a relationship therapist is a proactive and constructive step. Whether it’s relationship coaching, therapy, or counselling, professional guidance can provide valuable insights and guidance on your journey to a more fulfilling relationship.

In the next section, we’ll share real stories of individuals and couples who successfully navigated their doubts and emerged with stronger, more fulfilling relationships.

Real Stories of Overcoming Doubts

Sometimes, the best way to understand that you can conquer relationship doubts is by hearing success stories from real couples who’ve been through it all. These stories prove that with the right approach, doubts can be transformed into opportunities for growth and connection. Here are a couple of inspiring tales:

Case 1: Sarah and Mark Sarah and Mark had been in a long-term relationship when concerns started to creep in. They felt like they were drifting apart and had concerns about whether they still shared the same goals and interests. Instead of letting these doubts destroy their relationship, they decided to seek the help of a couples therapist. Through sessions focused on communication and rekindling their shared passions, they were able to reestablish their connection and rediscover the joy in their relationship.

Case 2: Alex and Emily Alex and Emily were in a relatively new relationship, and concerns about each other’s past relationships occasionally haunted them. They decided to address these concerns head-on by engaging in open and honest conversations. This vulnerability brought them closer together, as they realised that their past experiences had shaped them into the people they were today, and they were both committed to building a healthier future together.

Case 3: Chris and Lisa Chris and Lisa had been married for several years when doubts about their future and the strain of long-distance took a toll on their relationship. They decided to try relationship coaching to improve their communication and find ways to bridge the physical gap. With the guidance of their coach, they developed strategies to stay connected and maintain their bond, ultimately strengthening their relationship.

These stories show that doubts don’t have to be relationship destroyers. In fact, they can be catalysts for positive change. By seeking help, communicating openly, and working together, couples like Sarah and Mark and Alex and Jamie have not only addressed their concerns but also emerged stronger and more connected.

Conclusion

Relationship doubts are not always warning signs of a serious problem and don’t necessarily spell trouble or be the end of your relationship. In fact, they’re often a sign that you care about your relationship and want it to be the best it can be. Doubt is like an inner voice reminding you to pay attention to your feelings and stay true to your core values.

Doubts in a relationship may revolve around your partner’s behaviour, your own feelings, or even past relationship experiences.

Relationship doubts can affect a new relationship just as much as a long-term one. Even seemingly perfect couples have their moments of doubt. So, remember, you’re not alone in this.

With the right approach, care and understanding, you can turn them into opportunities for growth and deeper connection.

Today, we’ve identified some of the common reasons behind relationship doubts and covered practical strategies for addressing and managing these doubts in a healthy way. We’ve learned that doubts can arise for various reasons, from communication hiccups to personal insecurities.

The key is to address them openly and honestly with your partner, through good communication, active listening and empathy. First, reflect on your current situation and past experiences. Then, talk to your partner about any issues you need to address.

To overcome the doubt about your relationship, you should check if doubting makes sense:

1. Talk to your partner about every doubt you are having.
2. Get rid of unfounded doubts
3. Try to address any self-doubt by yourself
4. Talk with your partner about any doubts about your relationship.
5. Approach more serious doubts with extra care.
6. Make sure you don’t leave any doubts unaddressed.

It may be difficult to identify the deeper-rooted beliefs that you have accumulated from your past experiences on your own. So, if doubts persist and you’re finding it hard to navigate them on your own, don’t hesitate to explore professional guidance and consider getting a couples therapist or a relationship coach to offer you strategies to overcome doubts and strengthen your connection. On our website, we offer online relationship coaching for couples and individuals.

If relationship doubts leave you feeling anxious, you may need to address this anxiety.

Remember: You’ve Got This and We’ve Got You!

Get in touch if you need any help to schedule your first appointment. In our first session, we’ll consider every aspect of your relationship and your life as a whole to give you a broader perspective on your situation.

Frequently Asked Questions about Relationship Doubts