You may find yourself in a relationship where your conversations turn into arguments and fights. So, What are your options?
Arguments and fights are signs of an unhealthy relationship. Couples result to fighting when there is lack of understanding and an inability to resolve their issues in a peaceful and loving way. Personal insecurities make it hard to hear another point of view. These in turn leads to an emotional turmoil and a toxic relationship.
In this article, you will learn about common causes of fights in a relationship, how they affect the relationship and a healthy way you can deal with them.
What Is Considered a Fight in a Relationship?
1: to use weapons or physical force to try to hurt someone, to defeat an enemy, etc. : to struggle in battle or physical combat
2: to be involved in (a battle, struggle, etc.)
3: to argue in an angry way
While an argument is an opinionated discussion, a fight can be defined as an emotionally charged argument. In an argument, you may have a difference of opinions that you are passionate about. An argument can still end in you learning each other’s points of view. In a fight, you’re seeing your partner as an enemy. In this case one of you has to lose.
Ideally, you would be able to manage your emotions and clearly express your opinion and point of view. While at the same time be able to hear your partner and understand where they are coming from. We could call this a discussion, and it is a better way of communicating in a healthy relationship.
Many couples fight, but does it make it normal? Just because the majority of couples have arguments and fights doesn’t mean that it’s a healthy way to have a relationship.
Why Couples Fight in a Relationship?
Fighting happens when you see your partner as an enemy. So the first question is, why are you in a relationship with someone who you believe to be your enemy?
It’s easy to have confusion and misunderstanding in a relationship. Confusions and misunderstandings lead to unnecessary arguments. Furthermore, these arguments can quickly turn into fights if you allow this fighting to continue. At the same time, it will soon get out of control and ruin your relationship.
There are many reasons why you can have arguments that will end up in fights with your partner. But, fundamentally arguments and fights will originated because you and your partner:
- Have a difference of opinions
- See things from your own experience and not understanding your partner’s
- Have different preferences
- Have crashing personalities
- Have different beliefs
How Fighting Affects a Relationship
A healthy relationship is the one that contributes to your life and leaves you fulfilled. Anything less than that is a relationship that needs work.
Having conflicts, arguments and fights in a relationship can bring a lot of stress to you and your partner. Stress as we know is detrimental to our physical and mental health. The longer we experience stress, the more damaging it can be for us.
Constant arguments and fighting brings physical and mental issues, some of these issues are:
How to Handle Fights in a Relationship
Minor misunderstandings and disagreements can go ignored and unnoticed at the beginning of the relationship. This is because of the excitement that comes from having a new relationship.
Logically if you were unable to resolve minor issues, the chances of you resolving a bigger problem are equally small.
One way you can approach it is by stepping away from the situation and having a look at the bigger picture of your life and your relationship.
Have an open and honest discussion with your partner about your feelings, doubts and concerns -nothing is off the table.
It’s only when both of you are willing to face sensitive and difficult aspects of your relationship. When you are ready to make a significant change to your dynamic, only then you have a chance of turning your relationship around and getting back on track.
How to Stop Fighting in a Relationship
- Imagine what your relationship would be like if you didn’t have fights
How would you communicate differently? How would you resolve problems? How would you interact with each other?
- Implement one small change in the way you communicate and one small change on the way you express yourselves.
- Agree with your partner on one thing that you would do the next time you get into a fight. This can be making a little pause or walking away for a few minutes.
- After you are in a calmer state of mind focus on the objective of your conversation, setting aside your emotions.
- Before you go back to your discussion try to agree on the goals or objectives or the problems you are trying to solve.
- On your discussion try to focus on finding a solution rather than taking things personally.
How to Avoid Fights in a Relationship
When you are truly listening without judgements, not trying to get your own way, you have a chance to solve the problems in your relationship.
As a listener your intention is to understand what the other person is saying.
- Find the right time to discuss things that are important for you, things that are bothering you, things that you want to change.
- Don’t talk about important things when you are in a rush or don’t have enough time to discuss it properly.
- Discuss things in a place where you both feel comfortable. Usually doing it at home or while going for a walk outdoors work for some couples.
- Use effective communication
- Be an active listener
- If you need help to improve your communication in your relationship, get in touch.
Ending a Relationship Because of Fights
When to End a Relationship Because of Fighting?
- When you can’t control your emotions
- When your arguments escalate and you don’t know how to handle them
- If you cannot step back to find balance, a peaceful mind and the clarity of thought
- When you find that the constant arguments and fights are affecting your well-being
How to End a Relationship Because of Fighting
- Check that you’ve done all you could on your part to have healthy discussions. And, that nothing that you’ve tried has made any difference.
- Bring up your intention to end the relationship to your partner to give both of you the last chance to fix your relationship.
- Consider having some time apart to see if it changes the dynamic in your relationship.
How to Move on After Ending a Relationship Because of Fights
Once you discuss your concerns with your partner and both of you agree that is best to end your relationship. Your next step is to learn some takeaways from this relationship.
A healthy way to move on is by reflecting on your relationship and recognising what has worked and what didn’t. Knowing this will help you make better and more educated decisions in your future.
Overtime the little unresolved issues accumulate and turn into bigger problems. A relationship becomes toxic when you are no longer communicating, but fighting every time you interact.
When you want to resolve your arguments and conflicts always involve your partner.
You can resolve your conflicts by:
- Recognising how you feel at the moment you are discussing something with your partner.
- Identifying the moment when you start feeling the resistance to hear your partner. Identify the moment you feel attacked, upset, angry, annoyed by something your partner is saying or doing.
- Listening to what exactly your partner is saying, but more than anything how the feel.
Ideally you both should be able to speak a language where you are expressing your feelings and emotions. Instead of blaming or attacking each other. If you continue doing this, you close yourself to hearing and understanding your partner. Continuing in this direction will guaranteed your relationship to fail.
Learning how to listen can help you improve your relationships. It may take you some time to put master this skill, but it’s well worth it. It can change your life.
Help and Advice for a Relationship with Fights
Tips to Deal with Fights in Your Relationship
- Approach the topics that cause arguments more objectively
- Manage your emotions
- Respect each other’s points of view
- See each other as being on the same side, trying to achieve the same goals, rather than seeing each other as an enemy where one of you has to lose.
- Don’t take it personally
- If you are struggling to handle arguments in your relationship consider getting professional help
If you don’t know how to deal with this fear and you need professional help and advice, get in touch and we’ll be happy to help!
Frequently Asked Questions
How to fix a relationship after a big fight?
1. Take some time to find emotional balance, so you can objectively approach the topic you’ve been fighting over.
2. Come back into conversation calm and level headed
3. Focus on the topic at hand and on hearing each other’s point of view
Are fights in a relationship healthy?
Fights are a sign of a tocos relationship and they need to be addressed as soon as possible.
What to do to avoid fights in a relationship?
• Try to calmly discuss everything you talk about
• Express yourself clearly and completely
• Take time to hear your partner’s point of view
• Remember you are working towards common goals, not against each other
Why do fights happen in a relationship?
When both people feel unheard, both of them start to express themselves more emotionally and less objectively. This quickly spirals out of control and the fight ensues.
How long before couples start arguing?
For as long as they don’t address their issues and make some effort to resolve their conflicts.
Can one fight end a relationship?
Yes, depending on the emotional turmoil felt at the time of the fight. The fight can get out of hand and result in a breaking up.
Do couples who fight stay together?
Only if they don’t value their personal time and don’t mind wasting it into fights, instead of spending the time in a relationship that is harmonious.
Is it normal to fight everyday in a relationship?
It is very unhealthy to fight everyday in a relationship. You should find ways to resolve your conflicts in a loving way. Otherwise fights will destroy your relationship.