Are you starting a new relationship wondering the best way to make it work?
- Get to know yourself
- Learn about your partner
- Check that you are compatible
- Spend enough time together
- Make a plan to move in together
In this article, you will go on a journey from meeting a potential to moving in together.
1. Get to Know Yourself
Before starting a relationship, spend some time with yourself. Get to know yourself better.
The journey of self-awareness and self-development is a lifelong endeavour. However, there are basic things that you should know about yourself to create a healthy relationship:
- What are your hobbies and interests?
- What are your life goals and ambitions?
- What are your values and beliefs?
- What are you looking for in a partner?
- What do you want from a relationship?
When you know your goals, you can plan your life around them. You should also know what is very important for you, and where you can be more flexible. It will help you set your boundaries from the very beginning.
Once you are clear on your personal life goals and ambitions, reflect on what you want from a relationship and your potential partner. It will help you choose someone who can contribute to your life and support you in your personal journey.
Knowing what’s important to you will help you set the boundaries in your relationship. If you are vague in expressing your values, it will be harder for your partner to understand your preferences and respect your boundaries.
It is not uncommon for partners to sacrifice their needs, goals, preferences and values. Doing so is not a great idea as it can give rise to negative feelings, resentment, and conflict down the line.
To maintain a healthy relationship, each of you should dedicate a certain amount of time to do what you love. Hobbies and interests bring excitement to your life, so do not neglect them. If you can maintain an exciting personal life, you will have more things to share with your partner.
When it comes to beliefs, having a relationship will challenge your beliefs.
Overall, it’s a healthy process as it allows you to reflect on your beliefs and choose the ones that contribute to your life over the beliefs that make your life harder.
As long as you have trust and good communication, your partner will be an ideal person to give you a different perspective on your life and beliefs. This, of course, goes both ways.
Having specific parameters for your potential partner will help you narrow your search.
So, you have met someone special. You enjoy spending time talking and doing fun things together. What now?
Now, it’s time for you to get to know them better.
2. Learn About Your Potential Partner
At this point, you are clear about your personal and relationship goals. You know what you want from a relationship and what you expect from your partner.
Now, you are in a better position to know the kind of person that can contribute to your life and share your interests and excitement.
It is time to learn about your special someone to see if you are on the same page with your values and beliefs.
Here are some questions you would want to explore:
- What are your partner’s hobbies and interests?
- What are your partner’s life goals and ambitions?
- What are your partner’s values and beliefs?
- What personal qualities does your partner value?
- What does your partner want from a relationship?
Maybe you don’t need to be forward and direct right away, but these questions can give you a direction for your conversations, so you can find a flow and get to know each other.
To help you along, take a look at our workbook on communication. It takes you step-by-step through different aspects of your communication.
3. Check That You Are Compatible
Now that you have shared your goals, views and beliefs, you should get an idea if you are compatible or not.
Both of you should have common interests, shared values, beliefs and want the same from a relationship.
The clearer you are on your goals, the easier it will be for you to stay on track towards reaching them when you are in a relationship.
When you are single, you can dedicate all of your time and effort to your life goals.
In a relationship, it is easy to lose track of your personal life goals. You start making some changes and have to dedicate a part of your time towards making a relationship work.
To maintain a healthy relationship, you will need to balance the time you dedicate to your goals and the time you spend to make your relationship work.
It is worth knowing your personal goals and ambitions. At the same time, you also need to know your partner’s goals and ambitions.
When you understand each other’s goals, you can support one another to stay on track and work towards them.
Check that you have common goals, values, and beliefs regarding your personal development and relationship.
It will allow each of you to develop as individuals and support each other’s journey separate and together.
Once you know what your partner wants from life, you can see how you and your relationship fit into that.
Our workbook on setting goals will take you through this step by step.
4. Spend Enough Time Together
Spending time together will help you see how you get on and if you want the same from a relationship.
When you start a relationship, it helps to know what you want short and long-term.
Relationships can easily take you off track. Knowing your relationship goals will help you stay focused and avoid sacrificing your personal life goals and ambitions.
If you are not looking for a serious relationship, you may not need deep conversations about living together and having a family.
On the other hand, if you want a more serious relationship and potentially build a family with another person, you need to be upfront about it.
If you are looking to have a family, but the other person is not, you may have difficulty with your relationship even though you may develop feelings for each other.
When you have different ideas about your relationship and the future, it just will not work.
Being on the same page is essential to avoid confusion and build an understanding.
Make sure you spend enough time together before moving in.
5. Make a Plan To Move in Together
This journey takes you from meeting someone to living together. So, moving in is something you need to approach with care.
By this point, you should have a clear idea about what is that you want for yourself, from your partner and a relationship.
You have also established what your partner wants and whether you have enough in common to have fun and keep your relationship interesting and exciting.
To make a new relationship work, provided you want a more serious relationship, it is worth taking the time to work on your communication.
Effective communication will help you develop and maintain physical intimacy and stay emotionally connected.
As your relationship develops, you should start setting specific goals, making a plan and a timeline for different stages of your relationship.
Once you’ve got to know each other, spent time together and decided that you love being together, the next step is to move in together. Instead of making any long-term commitments, agree to move in for a few months to see how you get on.
It will give you enough time to see what it is like living together. If your relationship is working – great, carry on.
You may not be ready to share your space with another person, despite your feelings. In this case, you can continue your relationship while living apart, stay friends, or end your relationship and move on.
Marriage is something else altogether. If marriage is important for both of you, go for it. If you are happy living together without getting married, that is also perfectly fine.
The important thing is that both of you feel ready to move in.
If you are serious about making your relationship work and want a more hands-on approach, check out our workbook on how to make it work.
Tips on Making a New Relationship Work
Make sure you are with the right person
- How do you know if this person is right for you?
- Are they interesting to be with?
- Are you feeling fulfilled by spending time together?
- Do you have common goals, values, and beliefs?
- Do you get on well?
Some questions you need to answer
- What are your personal and cultural beliefs?
- What are your hobbies and interests?
- What is very important for you, and what are the things you can be flexible about?
- Get to know each other.
- Do you have similar values?
- Can you understand each other?
- Are you ok with your partner’s beliefs and values? Are they ok with yours?
Share your personal goals, ideas, values, and beliefs
- What do you want to achieve in life?
- Why is achieving this important for you?
- How would you feel if you do not achieve your goals?
- What is your philosophical view on life?
- What are your core beliefs?
- What beliefs propel you in life?
- What beliefs hold you back in life?
Talk about your relationship
- How do your goals, values, and beliefs align with your partner’s?
- How do you contribute to each other’s lives?
- Can this relationship fulfil your goals and contribute to your personal development?
- Do you understand each other?
- Is it easy for you to talk and discuss your opinions, particularly those that are different?
- Are you interested in each other’s point of you?
- Do you want the same type of relationship and the same goals?
- Do you want the same things in life and a relationship?
- How can you tell if your relationship can work?
- Do you have the same relationship goals?
If you want to raise children together, talk about the future of your relationship. Consider what it would be like to raise your children together.
- Do you agree on your values and believes enough to raise your children in harmony?
- What school will they go to?
- What values do you want them to have?
- What kind of upbringing and lifestyle can you see for your children?
You may discover that your goals or beliefs do not align. Consequently, you may consider ending this relationship as you would have to compromise your values, which is not good.
If it comes to it, take a look at the article on when to let go of a relationship.
Achieving personal and relationship goals is the key to making a relationship work.
You have met someone, developed romantic feelings towards each other, and now, you are in a relationship.
But getting to know someone can be challenging. So what can you do?
In the beginning, it helps to know what you want from a relationship and what it takes to make it work.
Whatever your intentions, spend a couple of months getting to know each other to see how you get on. After a few months, provided you are getting on well, consider moving in to see if living together would work for you.
Whatever you decide to do, remember to have fun, and keep your relationship interesting and exciting.
The moment you or your partner lose interest, you should reassess your relationship.
While you should make an effort to have a healthy relationship, it is equally important to keep it interesting, fun and exciting.
Think about improving your communication and developing physical and emotional intimacy.
Relationship Coaching to Make a New Relationship Work
If you would like some help addressing your doubts and making the most of your relationship, check our coaching options.
Frequently Asked Questions
How long should you give a new relationship to work?
It should take a few months for you to get to know someone to the point of considering a serious relationship. During this time, you should have a variety of experiences to see how you get on in different circumstances.
What should you not do in a new relationship?
In a new relationship, you should avoid planning your future prematurely. There is no point rushing into a serious relationship. Instead, enjoy your time together and let your relationship develop. In the beginning, your priority should be enjoying your time together and checking to see if your relationship goals align. Consider how this relationship fits with your personal life goals and ambitions.
How do I keep a new relationship going?
A new relationship should be effortless. The whole point of this stage is to open yourself up to new experiences and see how you get on. If it feels like an effort, in the beginning, you should reassess if such a relationship is worth it for you.
What are the 3 most important things in a relationship?
In a romantic relationship you must have romantic feelings, intimacy and trust.
How often should you text in a new relationship?
It is hard to put a number on the number of texts or calls you should have in a new relationship. Text as much or as little as you want. Just remember to check with your partner how they feel about it. Welcome the feedback and adjust accordingly.
How often should you talk in a new relationship?
In a new relationship where you are excited to be together, talk as much as you want. As long as both of you are happy with the amount of time you spend together, all is well. And, if something comes up, discuss your circumstances and preferences and adapt your frequency to suit both of you.
What do you talk about in a new relationship?
At the beginning of a new relationship, you would want to discuss your values and beliefs to see if you are compatible at the most fundamental level. You also should talk about your relationship goals to see if they align. It is also helpful to discuss how this relationship would contribute to your personal goals and ambitions.