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If you have recently broken up with your long-distance partner the chances are you’re going through a whole lot of emotions.
Depending on how you broke up, you might be feeling free and liberated or sad and lonely. Whatever you’re feeling, one thing is for sure – now is the time you move on from your long distance relationship break up and get your personal life back on track.
- Get clear on why you broke up
- See if you have done all you could to make it work
- Reflect on your relationship
- Learn from your experience
- Take some time for yourself
Let’s explore each of these steps in more detail…
1. Get Clear on Why You Broke Up
Long distance relationships have many challenges. One of the biggest challenges is the distance, which makes it hard to keep the romance going without physical intimacy and sex.
Another big challenge is communication, which for the most part takes place online. Without seeing your partner in front of you, it becomes hard to navigate the conversation and difficult to see how your partner is feeling at the time.
Long-distance relationships have a whole list of problems that you can learn about in this article.
While it might be too late for you at the moment, getting familiar with common problems can help you avoid them in your future long distance relationships.
Being clear on why your long-distance relationship has come to an end is the first step to take in order to move on. Without this understanding, you may find yourself trapped in a vicious cycle of doubts and emotions. Until you get this clarity, it will be hard for you to move on.
You may find yourself being held back emotionally. Because of the attachment you have developed with your partner over the course of your relationship.
You may also be overwhelmed with doubt, thinking if it was your fault and if there was anything you could have done better. Self-blame can increase your insecurities and leave you in a dark place.
Another trap here is that you may start blaming your partner for your relationship not working out. While this can help you momentarily feel better about yourself, it is not healthy. Click here to learn how to have a healthy long-distance relationship.
The moment you start blaming your partner, you are essentially holding them responsible for your relationship not working out.
As a rule of thumb, the moment you give responsibility to someone else, you also give them the power. So while blaming your partner may seem like a short-term solution, it is likely to leave you feeling even more powerless.
Instead, you can try to manage your emotions and reflect on your relationship in a more objective way. If you ended your relationship in a healthy way, at this point you could open line of communication.
Reaching out to your ex-partner can help you get their perspective and point of view on your relationship. If you ask for feedback, and they are willing to give it to you, you can learn about what it was like for your partner to be in a relationship with you.
Check out this article for some pointers on effective communication in a long-distance relationship.
2. See if You Have Done All You Could to Make It Work
It takes both of you to make your relationship work, which means both of you are responsible for your relationship not working out. When you try to move on after a break up, your main objective is to understand the part you played in this relationship.
You can do it by reflecting on everything yourself and by asking your ex-partner to give you feedback. When you’re listening to your partners feedback, you no longer have the need to be argumentative.
If things get emotional, keep your objective in front of you. Otherwise, it is easy to engage in another argument and miss out on achieving your goal while having a productive conversation.
The reason you want to get feedback from your partner is so that you can recognise how you are perceived by that person. This understanding will help you focus on these areas in your future relationships.
Putting together everything you have discovered from your reflection and your partner’s feedback can help you recognise if you have done or you could make your long-distance relationship work.
See what you would like to change in yourself or your partner. If you discover that it was your behaviour that have created friction and cause problems in your relationship, that is good news! It means there is a lot you can do to improve your behaviour and avoid making the same mistakes in your future relationships.
If you would like to get familiar with what it takes to make a long-distance relationship work, you need to read this article.
If you find that some issues were caused by your partners behaviour, that is also good information. Knowing this, can help you identify the characteristics you would like and dislike about your romantic partner.
With some awareness, and objective reflection you can figure out the characteristics you want to see in a partner and which ones you want to avoid in the next person you have a romantic relationship with.
You may also discover that you got on really well together, but the distance did not allow your relationship to blossom. In this case, you could reflect on what exactly got in the way. Were you having a healthy and successful relationship? Maybe you did not make a plan to close the distance. Or maybe you had unrealistic expectations and your circumstances did not allow you to move in together.
Here is a quick overview why long-distance relationships tend to fail. While it may not apply to your current situation, this bit can help you in your reflection and prepare you for a future long-distance relationship, should you ever find yourself in one yet again.
Many couples approach a long-distance relationship in the same way they would a regular one. However, they quickly find out that distance and a romantic relationship don’t go well together. When you are romantically involved with someone you expect physical intimacy, sexual connection, and basic human touch. In a long-distance relationship those are only possible during your visits.
So, if you are in a position to visit each other regularly, you can make a long-distance relationship last for quite a long time. However, if you have weeks and months between each visit, the lack of physical connection can lead to sexual frustration, which in turn will put extra strain on your relationship.
Knowing how to distance affect a relationship can help you prepare and manage it in a healthy way. It doesn’t mean that is healthy to have a long-distance relationship for a long time, but it does help to keep it healthy until you get a chance to move in together.
For further reading about how the distance affects a relationship, take a look at this article. You may also go an extra mile and consider this guide to be better prepared for your future long-distance relationship.
3. Reflect on Your Relationship
Reflecting on your relationship can help you learn from this experience.
If you discover that the distance isn’t something you want to deal with, then you know to look for a romantic partner nearby.
That said, if it so happens that you meet someone amazing online who lives in a different part of the world, you should be prepared to approach long-distance relationship with knowledge and awareness of what it takes to make it work.
If you find yourself in such predicament, this complete guide on how to make a long distance relationship work will definitely be of great help.
4. Learn From Your Experience
Ending a long distance relationship can be quite emotional. Hopefully, by following the steps above you will get some clarity and understanding of why your relationship didn’t work out and what you can do better next time.
Allow this process of self-reflection to happen organically. Try to avoid jumping into a next relationship right away. Although it may be tempting to find someone else to deal with your loneliness. However, leaving your emotions and past experience unprocessed makes you vulnerable to repeating the same mistakes and having the same problems.
If you find yourself really struggling while trying to deal with your emotions and reflecting on your past relationship, feel free to get in touch. We can arrange a one hour coaching session where you can share your feelings and your reflections about your past relationships.
Together, we will identify your needs, get familiar with your behaviours and help you make a plan moving forward.
If you find this first session helpful, you can always have a few more sessions on personal development to help you figure out who would your perfect romantic partner would be.
5. Take Some Time for Yourself
Many long-distance couples don’t handle their break up correctly. In most cases, one partner decides that they no longer want to be together in this relationship. Then they look for ways to inform their partner about it.
This is the wrong way to go about it. It’s disrespectful towards your partner and towards yourself. Seeing how you started your relationship together, you should also end it together. If you feel that your long-distance is no longer working and falling apart, share your feelings, thoughts and concerns with your partner. Express yourself as much as you can and as much as you want.
The part that makes the difference is taking the time to let your partner express their thoughts, feelings and point of view. When you try to find understanding with your long-distance partner, you might fix the problems that caused your relationship to fail.
You may also find that there is no way for you to fix the problems, or that your feelings have faded away. In that case, you can agree to end your romantic long-distance relationship. But you may still decide to stay friends or keep in touch.
Contrary to popular belief, relationships don’t have to end with arguments and hatred. When couples get together, they promise to each other to be together forever. But life happens, feelings and circumstances change. This is normal and is something you can expect from your relationship as well. But the one thing you can control is how you handle yourself when these changes take place.
Long-distance relationships are full of challenges. While some couples can make their long-distance relationship work, others choose to break up.
Unfortunately, it is common for one partner make a decision to end a relationship and inform their partner about it. This leads to a lot of confusion and heartache.
A better way to end a relationship is by openly and honestly sharing issues, doubts, concerns and problems. It is okay that a relationship may not work out. However, ending a relationship can be done with dignity and respect towards each other.
Maintaining communication after a break up, will help you talk to each other if you decide to reflect on your time together.
While it is not going to bring the two of you back together, there is a lot you can learn about the root causes of your problems and your behaviours.
Getting a feedback from your ex partner can help you understand their point of view and shine some light on your behaviour. This will allow you to be more aware of how your behaviour affects the person you are with and your relationship.
You can then implement this feedback and make the changes to how you are with your future partners. By the way, here is a guide you may find very helpful when it comes to figuring out who would be the right partner for you.
Personal development is a lifelong endeavour and the process of moving on is a big part of it. So, it makes sense to give it some time, reflect on your past and do better next time.
Frequently Asked Questions
How to handle a long-distance relationship breakup?
The best way to handle a long distance relationship break up is by managing your emotions while objectively reflecting on your relationship. It helps to have an open line communication with your ex partner, so you can get their feedback and raise your awareness of things you can improve in the future.
How long does it take to get over a long-distance breakup?
The time it takes to get over how long distance relationship break up depends on your emotional involvement and how the break up happened. If your ex partner has broken up with you suddenly and you did not expect it, it will take some time for you to process this event. On the other hand, things haven’t been going well for awhile and I break up was a mutual decision, which you have discussed, it shouldn’t take as long for you to move on.
How do you move on from break up when you still in love?
if you’re still in love with your ex partner, it helps for you to have an open line of communication. If they’re willing to hear you out, you can share your feelings about them, without expecting the reciprocation or a relationship. Suffering alone and in silence is not a pleasant experience. And, you can deal with it by expressing yourself in a healthy call my loving and respectful way.
When should you give up on a long-distance relationship?
Move the time to give up on a long distance relationship when doesn’t work despite your effort to fix the problems. Breaking up may be a good idea when you or your partner no longer have romantic feelings for each other, you can close the distance, you don’t trust each other and you find yourself in a toxic relationship without seeing a way to make it work.
Are long-distance relationships easier to get over?
The difficulty of getting over of a relationship depends on the degree of your emotional involvement. Just because your relationship, doesn’t mean that you are emotionally distant from that person. In fact, it can be just the opposite.
How do you let go of someone you love long-distance?
Letting go of someone you love long distance comes down to maintaining mutual respect and keeping an open line of communication. First of all, helps to separate emotions from your objective circumstances. This helps recognise what did not work in your relationship and learn from it. However, once you have gone through this process rationally, it’s okay to have lingering emotions about your past relationship and your ex partner. That said, you don’t want to maintain an emotional attachment to something that has happened and is no longer part of your life.
How Healthy Is Your Long-Distance Relationship?
If you are having doubts about your long-distance relationship and are not sure if you should try to fix it or let it go, here is our step by step guide to help you and your partner reassess your relationship and make an educated decision that works for both of you.
Relationship Coaching for Long-Distance Couples
Long-distance relationships are hard to maintain without knowing exactly what they involve.
However, once you understand what long-distance relationships are, what they are not and how to navigate them, you are a lot more likely to make it work.
We specialise in helping long-distance couples create and maintain a healthy relationship by building intimacy, trust and effective communication.
If you are starting a long-distance relationship or are already in one, send us a message to book an individual coaching session for yourself or a couples coaching session for you and your partner.