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Are you thinking of moving in with your partner?
Moving in together is a big step. It changes the dynamic of your relationship. Now, you have to share your personal space with your partner. Now, you have to consider your partner with every decision you make. This proximity can stir up a lot of issues and create many problems. You can avoid this friction by expressing your preferences, setting clear boundaries. As well as, asking your partner about their feelings, needs and preferences. Ideally, your partner would do the same with you. This approach can help you create a harmonious relationship and a loving atmosphere.
In this article, you will learn what to consider before moving in, common problems couples face when living together and how you can avoid those problems and enjoy your life together.
What to Think About Before Move in Together
Moving in is a life-changing experience. It can be exciting and scary at the same time. Most couples jump into it headfirst, but this can set a relationship on a different course. With the right approach to this transition, you can give your relationship the best chance of working out.
Moving in together is a significant decision in your life. Living together can be a lot of fun, but it can also become full of compromises. Before you know it, instead of enjoying each other, you may find yourself tolerating each other.
While you can never know for sure, taking a moment to reflect on some of the following points could give you an idea to consider before moving in. It’ll help you increase the chances of a successful transition.
- Create a harmonious and loving relationship before moving in together
- Assess and discuss the personal and practical aspects of your move.
- Move in together for a short while to see how you get on.
Learning to express your feelings and needs will help you immensely through all stages of your relationship. It will make the transition from moving together to living together more enjoyable. To get ahead of it, I recommend you check out this book by Marshal Rosenberg, where he teaches how to recognise and express your feelings, needs and preferences.
When Should You Move in Together?
Moving in is a crucial phase in your relationship, so take the time to feel comfortable and do it the right way. Living with another person can be challenging. But with the right tools, you can adapt and transition into a new stage of your relationship.
Before moving in together, consider a few things and ask some questions.
- Is it worth moving for love?
- How long should you date before moving in?
- Would you have to relocate to a new place?
- What should you talk about before moving in together?
- Who should move in?
- Can moving in together save your relationship?
- Can moving in together ruin your relationship?
- Is it normal to fight when you move in together?
- Can you move out without breaking up?
Before moving in together, you must have a healthy and successful relationship. By successful, I mean you have learnt about each other and still want to be together. You enjoy being together and are ok with each other’s habits, and you can work out the things you are not happy about in a loving way.
When one partner does not want to move for some reason or is not ready because of family, friends, work, study, etc. It may not be the right time, or you have different goals.
How Long Should You Date Before Moving?
The most important question you should ask yourself and your partner is: Are you ready for moving in together?
Before moving in together, you and your partner should get to know each other well enough. Take all the time you need, as long as both of you are comfortable with it. Do not compromise, just because one of you is more eager to take the next step. A strong foundation takes time to build.
Going out, having dates, going on trips and holidays can be a lot of fun. But you should also visit each other at your homes and meet your families. Seeing how your partner lives, their life and seeing their environment will help you understand them better. It will also give you an idea of what it would be like living with them.
What to Consider when Moving in Together?
When thinking of moving in together, consider the personal and practical aspects of how it will need to happen.
There are two things you need when thinking of moving in together:
- The ability to express yourself clearly
- Being able to hear your partner
These may be obvious, but when you face challenges, they can make the difference between solving the issues or creating more conflicts that can destroy your relationship.
Moving in together has a practical and emotional aspect. Practically you need to assess if it is convenient to move in together or not. Emotionally you may be driven by excitement and might be tempted to rush into it. Or you may be afraid and choose to put it off for a while longer. Discuss these aspects with your partner to build a better understanding.
Before you move in together, answer these questions:
- Do you know each other well enough?
- Are both of you ready to make this change?
- Is it realistic? Practically, financially, and socially.
Personal Aspects to Consider Before Moving in Together
- Get to know each other as much as you can before moving in together
- Share what’s important to you
- Be clear on the things you can be flexible about
- Recognise what things you are not willing to compromise
- Learn about your partner’s values and beliefs
- Check that you have common interests
- See that your life goals align
- Ask yourself if you are in this relationship to share the joy in your life or because you expect that it will bring you happiness
- If you are from different countries, is your language good enough to express how you feel and what you want
- If you are from different cultures, identify if any social or cultural obstacles will cause conflict once you are together
- Work out your differences and preferences before moving in
Practical Aspects to Consider When Moving in Together
- Move-in into stages. For example, you can move into each other’s place for a week, a month or a significant amount of time
- Roleplay living together, rather than just visiting or having a holiday
- Question each other’s habits, particularly the ones you don’t like
- Test each other’s boundaries
- Check with yourself how you feel having your partner in your personal space, and be completely honest about it
- Realise how you feel in their place or have them in your place
- Discuss your preferences about who would be moving and where would you live
- Assess the financial possibilities and limitations of both of you
- Be honest about how much each of you would be able to contribute financially to your relationship once you move in together
- Make sure that both of you are happy with these arrangements without a compromise
Having a plan and a timeline will make moving in together easier. It can help you to plan each stage of your relationship.
Once you feel you know each other enough, it’s time to check in with reality. Before moving in permanently. Have a go at living together for a few weeks or a month. This will give you a better idea if you are practically compatible with each other.
The first sign that both of you are ready to move in together is that you feel free to talk about it. The only way to know is to ask them. If you are feeling uncomfortable asking, it means you are not ready. If your partner feels weird about this question, it means they are not prepared.
What Happens When Couples Move in Together?
Moving in together can be an exhilarating time in your life, but it may also be very challenging.
When you and your partner decide to move in together, make sure you share common interests and life and relationship goals. Getting to know each other well enough before moving in together is the most important thing before you give this big step.
When you move in together, you will have less time and less space to do things you enjoy. The relationship could take over your personal life and if you don’t know how to handle it. It can get in the way of achieving your personal goals.
A relationship can help you achieve your life goals while sharing quality time with your partner. You have better chances of having a successful relationship when living together if you prepare for it since you are getting to know each other.
After you move in, you may have a great time living together, or you may discover that living together doesn’t work for you. The sooner you recognise how you and your partner feel about the dynamic in your relationship, the sooner you can address it. In this way, you can keep your relationship healthy and avoid further issues.
If living together is not working for you, you should talk about it with your partner to see what is not working. You can make your relationship work if you have the will to do so. But, if you don’t. Then, ending your relationship is a better way than allowing your relationship to become toxic.
How Does Living Together Affect a Relationship?
When you are not ready to move in together. Living together can ruin the relationship you’ve built so far.
You might find that you get on well in your relationship. You may also have a lot of fun going to different places and while travelling together. But living together brings a whole new dimension to a relationship.
Suppose you do it properly and prepare for your life together. In that case, you can significantly increase your chances of your relationship working out. However, if you jump into it or rush your moving in together, it could be quite a difficult transition. Moving in together, unprepared could ruin your relationship.
Living together changes not only the dynamic of the relationship but the state of mind of sharing your space with someone else.
If your partner is the one moving in with you. It can be tough for them to adjust to the new environment. Depending on how far the relocation is for them, it can involve leaving their family and friends.
The person who is moving will be relying on their partner for safety and guidance, at least in the beginning. In turn, for the other partner, it can be a lot of responsibility to take care of another person in every aspect of their life.
All these things can work out just fine, but they can also create problems. If you are to talk about living together before you move in together, you can discuss your habits and preferences. When you talk about your preferences with your partner these things seem trivial. Then, things don’t appear to be a big problem, and it’s easier to talk about them.
Every person has individual preferences in the way they like to do things as well as their environment. For example, some people may like to keep things very tidy and organised, while others are quite happy to leave the mess.
When you start living together every little preference that you or your partner have are important. If you don’t find a way for everyone to respect the things that are important to them, it may result in conflict.
Relationship Problems After Moving in Together
When couples move in together, they experience problems with the pressure that rides on this one major decision. The person who is moving feels that they have to say goodbye to part of their life, depending on how far their new home will be. They may have to be far away from their family and friends.
It’s natural to feel nervous and have doubts about how the relationship will be like once you live together. You may be asking yourself, “what if it doesn’t work out?” The only way you can have a better idea of how living together would work out is by actually living together. You can do this in stages, trying for a few weeks or months, see how you get on before you make the final move.
Moving in for a short while without cutting any ties with your home place can be an option. Start by living for one week in your place, and one week in your partner’s place. Share as much about your experience with each other as possible and take notes of your feelings.
In the end, you can compare your experiences and decide what worked best. If both places presented significant issues, consider renting a new place for a few weeks and see how you get on.
The purpose of this trial is to know what both of you can expect from each other. Sometimes the awareness of it will be enough for you to be ok with it. In some things, you will have issues, but you may find that you can work them out. Other things may be a deal-breaker, but only you can decide which ones fall into which category.
You may have noticed that your feelings changed or maybe you discovered something that you are not so keen on. Your awareness of this change gives you the power to share your feelings as they arise. Together with your partner, you can make a plan.
Take notes of your experiences. They will give you something objective to reflect on.
Moving together is a milestone in a relationship. It is significant for several reasons that including sharing your time and personal space with someone else.
Consider your partner in every decision you make. You may also feel restricted in your freedom and dependent on every decision your partner makes. And in some way, you inevitably become affected by every decision your partner makes.
With the above in mind, it’s easy to see how living moving in together can affect the dynamic in your relationship and put extra pressure on both of you. You can avoid unnecessary conflicts by setting your personal boundaries and getting to know each other’s preferences regarding every aspect of your life together.
Help and Advice for Relationships for Moving in Together
- Before you commit to a long-term life together, consider making arrangements and live together for a couple of months. This will give you an idea of what it’s like to live with your partner knowing you are free to change your mind and make other arrangements if something doesn’t feel right.
- Set boundaries
- Express yourselves, your thoughts, feelings, needs, preferences, doubts, concerns, etc
- When facing a choice, consider your partner’s opinions about it
If you don’t know how to make your moving in together smoothly and need professional help and advice, we’ll be happy to help! Check out our coaching options here.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can a relationship work without living together?
Dating and long-distance relationships are examples of couples who are romantically involved but are not living together. While these options are great for a short period. If you are serious about having a meaningful relationship and sharing your life with your partner. Then moving in together would be the next step in your relationship.
Can living together ruin a relationship?
Yes, living together without considering what it means and implies can surprise you with problems that you may not have had before you moved in together. Hopefully, this article will help you prepare for living together.
Is the first year of living together the hardest?
When you start living together you get to learn about each other’s preferences and more subtle preferences. If you can respect each other’s preferences and boundaries and comfortably discuss things that bother you. Then, living together can be an enjoyable experience. Try to avoid suppressing your feelings and sacrificing your needs. Discourage your partner from doing so as well. Always look for ways where your and your partner’s needs can be fulfilled, even if not at the same time.
The beginning of living together can be hard if neither of you adapts to the new dynamic and struggle to cohabit harmoniously. If you experience a power struggle during the first months of living together, there may be deeper issues that need your attention.
Is moving in together a good idea?
Moving in together is a chance to get to know each other better. This is part of having a serious relationship and planning a family.
Why you shouldn’t move in together?
You may think twice about moving in together if you value your personal space and prefer not to consider other people when choosing how to spend your time and money.
How long should you be in a relationship before moving in together?
It is not a specific amount of time, but make sure that before moving in you spend enough time getting to know each other well enough.
Why do couples move in together?
There are various reasons why a couple would choose to move in together. Some would like to spend more time together and develop a serious relationship. Get to know each other and build their intimacy. Thinking of starting a family. Sometimes it is more convenient if you are already spending a lot of time together anyway, it just makes sense to move in.