Is your relationship not working, yet you still want to be together?
Saving a relationship that isn’t working is certainly possible. It takes the willingness of both partners to identify the reasons why their relationship isn’t working. As well as the decision to make an effort in the search for the answers. In some cases, it could mean getting professional help to identify the core problems and explore different ways to fix your problems.
In this article, you will learn if you and your partner have what it takes to save your relationship.
Is It Worth Saving a Relationship?
First, let’s have a look at what it means to save your relationship. Here’s the definition of saving according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary:
- Preservation from danger or destruction : DELIVERANCE
- The act or an instance of economizing
- Savings plural : money put by
the excess of income over consumption expenditures
a usually specified lower cost —often used in plural
Now, that we looked at what saving means, let’s understand what does it mean to save a relationship.
Saving a relationship means to save it from being destroyed and ending. Hence, if you want to save your relationship, you want to stay in this relationship and solve the problems that are making it unhealthy. But, how to know if your relationship is saveable?
To save your relationship, first of all, you should be honest with yourself and your partner. Sometimes partners try to stick together even though their relationship isn’t working. If your relationship is no longer bringing you joy and fulfilment, you need to reassess if it’s worth continuing it.
Your relationship is worth saving if you and your partner have the willingness to try to make it work. If one of you has lost interest in your relationship, you might be better off ending it. Saving your relationship will involve effort and willingness to work together and solve the issues that are destroying it.
As long as you and your partner want to make your relationship work, there is always a way to fix the problems that exist in your relationship.
If you want to make your relationship work, but don’t know-how, you can ask a relationship coach to guide you.
Signs Your Relationship Can Be Saved
- You still have romantic feelings for each other
- You want to stay with your partner
- You enjoy your partner’s company
- You care for your partner
- Both of you are willing to make an effort to make your relationship work
- Both of you are open to hear each other’s point of view on your relationship and on each other
- Both of you are willing to work on yourselves separately and together to improve your relationship
- Both of you are open to get help from a professional if you can’t figure things out by yourselves
How to Save Your Relationship
One of the main problems that ruin long-distance relationships is lousy communication. If you want to save your relationship, try to make an effort to express yourself as clearly as you can. Give your partner a chance to reflect on what you’re saying. Ask them what they understood to make sure you’re on the same page.
- Recognise how you feel about your partner and your relationship
- Express to each other what you need
- Check that you still have trust, as well as open, transparent, and honest communication.
- Separately, identify what is causing the issues in your relationship
- Express your findings objectively to your partner in an open and honest way.
- Be open to listen to your partner objectively, don’t take it personally. You are trying to figure out what each of you perceive in your relationship.
- Try to find ways to make improvements in your relationship
- Look for help form a relationship coach if you are not making progress or struggling to implement the changes you would like
How to Save a Relationship Without Trust
Trust is one of the pillars for a healthy relationship, without it you can’t build a relationship. However, there are things you can do to understand what is causing trust issues or why you or your partner may be feeling distrust in your relationship. Trust issues can be caused because of personal insecurities.
If you don’t have trust in your relationship, you can:
- Recognise who has trust issues
- Identify if these trust issues are based on something objective or if they are born out of insecurities
- Talk to your partner about the cause of these trust issues and see how they affect your relationship. Then, you can see if both of you are willing to work them out.
- If you find it difficult to deal with trust issues in your relationship, get in touch for some help.
How to Save Your Relationship After Cheating
If your partner cheated on you, understanding is more important than forgiving. If all you do is forgive your partner for cheating, you will not know why they did it, so the chances are they will do it again.
So, instead of judging and forgiving, try listening and understanding. It will undoubtedly be a tough thing to do, considering all the emotions flowing through you at the time. However, this approach will give you more clarity about your situation, your partner’s point of view, and the state of your relationship.
Their understanding of your situation will give you the power to make a healthy decision and avoid future heartache and pain.
You can only fix a relationship after cheating if you understand what to change.
If one of you cheated, there are reasons for doing so. If you have unfulfilled needs in your relationship, either physical or emotional. They will lead you to lose the connection between you and your partner. If you don’t have effective communication with trust and openness, you may lose the emotional connection, which can also be a reason for cheating.
Once you understood why the cheating took place, you can try to fix your relationship if it was a one-off situation. For example, if cheating was due to a lack of physical intimacy. Revamping your sex life, spending time together, doing fun activities, having romantic dates, among others could be a solution.
However, if you lost interest and feelings for your partner, then ending your relationship could be a better solution.
Whatever you decide to do, it’s always better to make an objective decision based on understanding. Rather than a decision that is based on your emotions and judgements of wrongdoing. The moment emotions subside, you may regret making that decision.
How to Save Your Relationship After a Big Fight
During heated arguments and fights a lot of words are said which cannot be taken back. Disrespecting your partner is a line that takes closer to a toxic relationship.
When you allow your emotions to escalate and make your arguments more difficult to handle, you are only heading for disaster. This behaviour affects your relationship, your partner and your well-being.
When you want to resolve your arguments and conflicts always involve your partner.
You can resolve your conflicts by:
- Recognising how you feel at the moment you are discussing something with your partner.
- Identifying the moment when you start feeling the resistance to hear your partner. Identify the moment you feel attacked, upset, angry, annoyed by something your partner is saying or doing.
- Listening to what exactly your partner is saying, but more than anything how the feel. Don’t take it personally.
- If you are struggling to handle arguments in your relationship consider getting professional help.
Ideally you both should be able to speak a language where you are expressing your feelings and emotions. Instead of blaming or attacking each other. If you continue doing this, you close yourself to hearing and understanding your partner. Continuing in this direction will guaranteed your relationship to fail.
Learning how to listen can help you improve your relationships. It may take you some time to put master this skill, but it’s well worth it. It can change your life.
How to Save Your Relationship During a Break
If you are having a break in your relationship, use this time to reflect on your feelings about your partner and your relationship. Pay attention on how you feel, whether you still love your partner or you are just used to each other.
Also, realise what has been your positive and negative contribution to your relationship. So, you can take responsibility for the role you have played on making your relationship unhealthy.
During this time apart, you can express your findings to your partner and ask them to make the same reflection to see if you can still save your relationship. If both of you are on the same page and still want to make your relationship work. You both will need to make an effort and have the willingness to work your issues out.
How to Save Your Relationship from a Breakup
Once your relationship is filled with arguments, it’s tough to find a way to a healthy relationship of any kind with the same person.
If you find that your communication isn’t great and unresolved problems keep piling up, then a breakup should definitely be on the table. One thing, you really want to avoid is staying in an unhealthy relationship which is getting worse without you knowing how to or being willing to fix it.
The reason you want to avoid this predicament is because it leads to a toxic relationship. Being in such relationship can be emotionally destructive and damaging for your well-being.
Provided you still have strong feelings for each other and the willingness to make your relationship work. You just need the know how, a relationship coaching can help you figuring out.
Relationship coaching can easily pinpoint the root cause of your problems. It can provide you the guidance you need to get your relationship back on track. That said, without the willingness of both of you breaking up is a healthier option than staying in a deteriorating relationship.
When to Stop Trying to Save a Relationship
You can stop trying to save your relationship when the saving process has become one-sided. When one of you loses interest in making an effort to save the relationship, there’s no point to continue trying.
You can have a conversation with your partner about it and amicably decide if it’s better for both of you to end your relationship and move on. By ending your relationship on good terms, you can help each other to do the separation process a lot less painful. Practically, it can also be a lot easier to become independent from each other.
A relationship coach can help you end your relationship in a healthy way. You can learn from it to avoid repeating the same mistakes in your future relationships.
The possibility of saving a relationship depends on several factors. First of all, you need to establish if you and your partner still want to be in this relationship. If at least one of you is no longer interested, the perhaps is time to end it.
However, you may find yourself in a situation where both of you really want to make your relationship work. But, you just don’t know how to fix the issues that you are facing.
Provided you both have the willingness to be together and save your relationship. Here are some ideas on how to do it:
- Have an open and honest conversation about how each of you feel about this relationship
- Make sure to mention what works for you, what doesn’t and what would you like to do differently
- Take turns to express yourselves as fully as you can
- Take the time to hear each other out with understanding , instead of judgements
- Set your intention to understand each other’s point of view, rather than trying to be right
- Try to manage your emotions and objectively approach your problems one by one
- Look for ways to find solutions that work for both of you
- If you need some help be open to getting professional help if need be
Help and Advice to Save a Relationship
Tips to Help Saving a Relationship
- Talk to your partner about the issues that are bothering you
- Take the time to hear each other out
- Build enough understanding of each other’s perspective of your relationship to make the best decision going forward that works for both of you
- Approach your problems and concerns as objectively as you can
- Try to manage your emotions as much as possible to give yourself clarity of your feelings, goals and circumstances
If you don’t know how to save your relationship and need professional help and advice, we’ll be happy to help! Check out our coaching options here.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can a toxic marriage be saved?
It is possible to save your marriage depending on your issues and circumstances. In most cases, you would need to have relationship coaching to at least to get you on the right track. Once the relationship is toxic it will need a lot of work. So, be ready to put a lot of time and effort into making it work. But, if you manage to turn around your toxic dynamic, your relationship would be a lot stronger.
Can a breakup save a relationship?
Having some time apart can give you the personal space you need to process your emotions and gain a fresh perspective on your relationship. If you discover that you still have feelings for each other and want to be together. You can approach the issues in your relationship with a clear head and an open mind.
Can moving out save your relationship?
Moving out can give you and your partner the physical space for you to do what you choose without the need to consider another person. This will remind you that you are free to choose what you want to do and with whom. Therefore, if you decide to get back together, you will know it is out of choice. Rather than due to obligations, expectations or other reasons that are not yours.
Will coaching save my relationship?
Coaching can help you get to the root cause of your problems and guide you through the necessary changes to make your relationship work. However, this is only possible if both of you are still interested in this relationship. As well as willing, and ready to put time and effort to make your relationship work.