You may find yourself in a relationship where you are not having much sex or it may has even become sexless. But, is this healthy? Is there something you can do about it?
The lack of sex is a sign that something in your relationship isn’t working. A sexless relationship can be caused by some physical issues or a break down on the emotional connection. When the lack of sex is a problem in your relationship is best to talk about it with your partner and try to find a solution. When left unresolved, lack of sex can lead to other relationship problems amongst which problems like cheating is a common one.
In this article, you will learn about the main reason for a sexless relationship and what you can do about it.
What Is a Sexless Relationship?
Before we start talking about a sexless relationship. Let’s understand to what we are referring as sexless.
According to the Merriam-webster dictionary sexless means:
1: lacking sex : neuter
2: devoid of sexual interest or activity
What Is Considered a Sexless Relationship?
A sexless relationship is such where you or your partner feel that deprived of sex. It’s important for both partners to be satisfied with the amount of sex you have. The moment one of you is unhappy with your sex life or the amount of sex you have, that issue needs to be addressed straight away.
A relationship without intimacy and sex is in itself a sign of an underlying problem.
What Causes a Sexless Relationship?
There are many different causes that could cause a relationship to become sexless.
Here are some causes of a sexless relationship:
- Lack of emotional intimacy
- Low sex drive
- Neglecting your relationship
- Underlying issues in your relationship
- Health issues
- Working too much
- Not prioritising your intimate time together
- Low self esteem (one partner not wanting to be seeing naked)
- Communication problems
- Hormonal changes (for example, during pregnancy, childbirth, perimenopause, menopause)
- Cultural religious or social beliefs that portray sex as something you shouldn’t do or enjoy
Sexless Long Distance Relationship
Being physically apart from each other can be a cause for a sexless relationship. In a long-distance relationship, being geographically distant is what causes periods without sex.
How Does the Lack of Sex Affects a Relationship?
When a couple is dissatisfied with their sex life, it will start showing in all areas of their relationship. When a person doesn’t have the sex life they want, they feel unhappy, neglected and unwanted.
The lack of sex in your relationship may cause:
- Emotional distress
- Personal insecurity
- Decrease libido
- Growing apart
Sexless Relationship and Cheating
When you do not have sex in your relationship, your sexual needs are not satisfied, So, you can expect that you will look for the fulfilment of these needs with someone else.
What Lack of Intimacy Does to a Relationship?
The lack of physical or emotional intimacy can make your life miserable and eventually destroy it.
Common Problems in a Sexless Relationship
Here are some of the common problems that couples in a sexless relationship face:
- Lack of emotional connection
- Growing apart
How to Deal with a Sexless Relationship
- Acknowledge you have a problem with the sexual aspect of your relationship.
- Bring up the conversation to your partner so you can discuss if both of you feel the same.
- Try to find the reason behind this problem.
- Look to solve the core problem in a way that works for both of you.
Sexless relationships lead to a lot of frustration. This emotional intensity makes it harder to discuss such issues objectively. So, it helps to create some space and allocate the time where you are feeling safe and comfortable. Where you don’t have to rush anywhere.
Take this opportunity to express yourselves as clearly as you can.
Ending a Sexless Relationship
When you tried to change your situation, but there’s no change because of the lack of interest to make an effort either from yourself or from your partner. It is a red flag that your relationship has other underlying issues apart from just sex.
Once you have a conversation with your partner and discuss all of your sex related issues. You can have a better understanding of how important sex is for each of you and if you can fulfil each other’s needs. If you discover that you have a totally different sex drive and are very unfulfilled in this relationship. It may help taking some time apart and consider letting go of your relationship.
You know it’s time to end your relationship when:
- Your partner is unwilling to make any effort.
- You both tried to revamp your sex life but it is not working because you are finding your sexual needs are not complementing each other.
- You have many other underlying issues in your relationship and the sexless part is only one of them.
A sexless relationship is the one where one or both partners are sexually dissatisfied with the amount of sex they have.
The right amount of sex depends on the individual sexual needs of each partner. If sex is a problem in your relationship, it is best to talk about it openly and honestly with your partner. In doing so, you can understand each other’s needs and agree on the type of sex and the frequency that would be fulfilling for both of you.
Th lack of sex in a relationship can come as a result of other problems (emotional, physical and financial). It can also results in additional problems like cheating and sexual frustration. Which in turn can put extra strain in the relationship.
When these issues are unresolved, you may find yourself in a toxic relationship and at some point it may be better to break up.
Help and Advice for a Sexless Relationship
Tips to Deal with a Sexless Relationship
- Freely express your thoughts and feelings about your sexless relationship
- Try to find the reasons behind the lack of sex
- Avoid making unilateral decisions, like sleeping with someone else, and then telling your partner
- Talk to each other open and honestly
- Identify how much sex each of you need in your relationship
- Avoid blaming your partner
- Discuss possible solutions
- Revive your intimacy
- Work on your emotional connection
- Bring some spark to your sex life
- Have fun together
- Make time to be together
- Have dates
- Have a hobby together
- Try new activities together
- Have a holiday
If you cannot find a common ground to work together to revamp your sex life, getting professional help may help you.
A relationship coach can help you:
- Understand the factors that led to your sexless relationship
- Approach your relationship from a loving and supporting way
- Build the emotional connection
- Understand your sexual needs
- Feel comfortable around sex again
If you don’t know how to deal a sexless relationship and you need professional help and advice, get in touch and we’ll be happy to help!
Frequently Asked Questions
Is a sexless relationship normal?
Sexless relationship means there is a lack of physical intimacy in a relationship. A romantic relationship without physical intimacy is not healthy.
Why am I in a sexless relationship?
It could help to take some time to understand for the lack of sex in your relationship.
Is a sexless relationship possible?
It is possible to have a sexless relationship provided your emotional intimacy is very strong in your relationship. However, the needs for physical intimacy will remain unfulfilled. As long as both of you are ok without sex, your relationship can continue that way, but sooner or later one of you will need to satisfy these needs.
Is once a month a sexless marriage?
The frequency of sex depends on each individual person, as well as on the frequency the couple agrees on and satisfies both partners.
Is a sexless relationship healthy?
A sexless relationship isn’t healthy when one or both partners are not sexually satisfied.
Is a sexless relationship worth it?
It may be worth it if there is a strong emotional connection between the partners. However, the sexual dissatisfaction will increase over time. It can manifest as a whole range of problems that may eventually kill the emotional connection as well.
Can a sexless relationship last?
You can remain together regardless the lack of sex. However, the longer it lasts, the more frustration is built up and the more unhealthy the relationship becomes.
Is it ok to cheat if you are in a sexless relationship?
Cheating involves lying, which is not ok for any relationship under any conditions. As an alternative you may discuss the lack of sex in your relationship and opt for seeing someone else as you would in an open relationship.