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Are you in a relationship that doesn’t seem to be working and you want to know whether it is over?
A relationship being over is a decision rather a fact meaning until you decide to end your relationship, you are still together. Even when couples break up they get back together again. Therefore, there is not a concrete way to know when your relationship is over. The signs that indicate a relationship is over are the clues to tell you that something isn’t working. Unless you find a way to make it work, either you will end up in a toxic relationship or this relationship will end.
In this article, you will learn different signs of every stage of a relationship that isn’t working and is progressing towards a break-up.
Signs Your Relationship Is Healthy
A healthy romantic relationship contributes to your life in many ways. A healthy relationship is built on the idea that each person is making an effort to work on their own personal development. While at the same time building their relationship. So, they can share their achievements, successes and enjoyment of life with someone they love.
However, usually something different happens. People form relationships because they can help each other in some ways. Most of the time without conscious awareness of it.
It’s true that our needs are the drivers for our choices and behaviours meaning that everything we do is to fulfil specific needs. Here is where it things become blurred.
Healthy romantic relationships are the ones that are built to fulfil needs for companionship, connection, sharing, support, understanding, and emotional and sexual intimacy. These are the needs that require another person. Such relationships are to a good start and to bring joy to both partners by helping them fulfil each other’s needs.
Here are some signs of a healthy relationship:
- You trust each other
- You can openly express your thoughts, feelings, doubts and concerns without the fear of being judged
- You are willing to hear each other out
- You talk to your partner enough to share interesting things but not so much that your conversations become boring
- You visit each other regularly and can maintain physical closeness
- You can maintain emotional intimacy through trust and effective communication
- You can handle disagreements and resolve conflicts without unnecessary arguments, fights or silent treatments
- You make the most out of your time apart by pursuing your dreams, goals and ambitions
- You have a goal set for your relationship, a plan and a timeline
- You feel happy and fulfilled in your relationship
- You help each other out
Signs Your Relationship Is not Working
A relationship that is working can help you achieve your life, relationship goals while enjoying and having fun together. So, when a relationship is not working, one or more of these things are not happening.
When a relationship is not working:
- Either your personal or relationship goals have changed
- You feel disappointed because your expectations for this relationship to fulfilled your needs and achieve your goals haven’t been met
- You are in a relationship with someone who isn’t compatible with you in some way
- You don’t recognise specific problems, but you feel that something is wrong
- Problems accumulate and you are doubting if you are capable of resolving them
- You are not spending much time together and avoid to be with each other
- There is a lack of emotional connection
- You are growing mistrust of your partner, because of your insecurities, or their behaviour
- You have a difference in sex drives
- You are sexually frustrated due to the lack of physical intimacy
- You don’t know how to deal with the problems you’re facing
Signs Your Relationship Is Unhealthy
Relationships are more likely to become unhealthy when one or both partners are looking for someone to fulfil their needs. Which come from their personal insecurities, thoughts and behaviours.
In such relationships, instead of sharing their personal successes. People bring in their failures, personal problems and insecurities into their relationship, expecting their partner to fulfil their needs.
This usually happens without awareness. Bringing your personal baggage into your relationship without awareness or willingness to address the issues will inevitably put pressure on your partner, strain and poison the whole relationship. Hence, it’s likely to become toxic.
So, if you are already in a relationship that isn’t working, is unhealthy or toxic? Consider what personal baggage each of you bring into the relationship. Provided you have a strong desire to be together. You can then, help each other work out your personal issues to do that you may need help of a relationship coach.
Even becoming aware of your personal issues is already a huge step towards rebuilding your relationship. Once you know what these issues are, they not only do no longer have power over your behaviour. You now have a chance to address them objectively and address them one by one in a healthy way.
If you recognise some of the following signs, it is very likely your relationship unhealthy:
- Your relationship is based only on the physical aspect
- Your relationship is not going anywhere
- You and your partner are drifting apart
- You feel this relationship is draining you
- You think your relationship is holding you back from achieving your goals
- Your relationship lacks intimacy
- You are too comfortable in this relationship that you are making hardly any effort
- Your relationship is turning more into a friendship than a romantic relationship
- You feel unhappy and unbalances
- Your relationship is moving too slow
- You feel your relationship is stagnant
- You are feeling bored in your relationship
- You don’t have good communication with your partner
- You feel stressed out when you are with your partner
- Your relationship is monotonous and a routine
- Your relationship has turned one-sided
- You don’t share your feelings or intimate things
- You are sexually frustrated
- You are not discussing things that are important for you and your relationship
- You feel sad, upset, and miserable more often than what you feel happy and fulfilled
- You feel you can’t be yourself with your partner
- You feel constantly tense around your partner, like on eggshells
Signs Your Relationship Is Toxic
If you ignore or choose not to address all the signs of an unhealthy relationship the next stop is your relationship becoming toxic.
Once you are in a toxic relationship, the only way to make it work is, if you choose so, is with the help of a professional. At this point, the relationship has deteriorated so much that you would need a lot of effort, willingness, commitment, the right tools and approach to turn around the many toxic behaviours in your relationship that you have developed over time.
These signs can help you identify a toxic relationship. Keep in mind that these signs are not the one-off, but more like an everyday reality in a toxic relationship:
- You have constant misunderstandings and arguments that remain unresolved and often end in fights
- You have poor communication
- You feeling sad and frustrated more often than happy and fulfilled
- You feel jealous and insecure for no reason
- You are compromising and sacrificing your needs more often than not for the greater good of your relationship
- You want to be with other people but feel forced to stay in this relationship
- You are compromising your personal life and spending this time with your partner because of guilt
- You don’t feel valued and appreciated in your relationship
- You are constantly giving up on your goals and aspirations because your partner or your relationship come first
- You feel annoyed, or get angry quite easily by your partner
- You are stress and anxious like walking on eggshells when you are around your partner
- You end up apologising most of the time to avoid further conflict, even when you consider you did nothing wrong
- You feel unsupported and unloved in your relationship
- You or your partner have controlling and manipulative tendencies
Signs Your Relationship Is Worth Saving
Deciding if your relationship is worth saving depends on what you and your partner are feeling for each other. As well as being aware what saving your relationship would involve. If you want to save your relationship is a better of how to do it. Here, is where a relationship coaching can help you.
These signs can help you identify if you and your partner consider your relationship is worth saving:
- You have the willingness to try to make your relationship work
- You are prepared to hear each other out and make an effort to address your personal issues and relationship problems
- You still have feelings for each other
- You still want to be together
- You still manage to communicate in a loving and respectful way
- You and your partner are open to look for outside help if you cannot work things out by yourselves
Signs Your Relationship Is Beyond Repair
Partners have no willingness to be together, ability, knowledge or understanding on how to resolve the problems in their relationship. At least one partner is not interested in the relationship. Everything else can be work out. But, when the relationship is unhealthy, toxic and at least one partner doesn’t want to make an effort and the couple don’t know how to save the relationship.
When partners cannot solve the problems by themselves and are not willing to look for help. So, there is not that much about the signs of problems you have, but the willingness to resolve them.
Here are common signs of unhealthy and toxic relationships:
- Lack of communication
- Constant arguments, misunderstandings and fights
- Your physical or emotional needs are not met
- Annoyance towards each other without provocation
- Silent treatment
- Lack of trust
- Controlling and manipulative behaviour
- Lack of physical and emotional intimacy
- Not spending time together
- Unwillingness to address the issues in your relationship
- Not enjoying being together
- No longer making plans for the future
- Asking yourself why you are in this relationship
- Your feelings changed, or you have developed feelings for someone else
- No direction in your relationship
What Are the Signs that Your Relationship Is Over
These signs can give you an idea of the areas in your relationship that need some work. But, if you are not prepared or willing to do any work because you are no longer interested in this relationship, then your relationship is over.
- Neither of you is willing to make an effort to fix your relationship
- You or your partner prefer to be away from each other
- You can’t let go of the resentment towards your partner
- You can’t have a conversation without ending in an argument
- You blame each other at every opportunity
- You see each other as an enemy
- You have lots of negative emotions towards your partner
- Either you or your partner doesn’t have romantic feelings for each other
- You have different life goals
- You have different relationship goals
- You or your partner have lost interest in your relationship
- You or your partner are not making any effort to spend time with each other
- You tried fixing the problems, but nothing works
- You drifted apart
- There’s lack of communication and connection
- There is no physical or emotional intimacy
Only you can decide when your relationship is over. Through out this article, we explored the signs across the different stages of a relationship that goes from healthy to beyond repair. These signs can certainly give you an idea of where you are in your relationship.
However, they are not what defines if your relationship is over or not. Only when you or your partner have no longer the interest and willingness to be be together and make your relationship work. Then, you can say your relationship is over.
So, the question is whether you are still willing and interested in staying together provided the problems can be resolved. And, if your partner is also willing and interested, provided there is a way to make it work
Here, are some points to keep in mind when it comes to dealing with a relationship that seems to be over. First, ask yourself if you are ready to do something about it or you want a way out.
- You are not happy in your relationship
- You have been having issues for a while and did not resolve them. Unresolved issues could be because people are not interested in finding solutions or don’t know how to
- You no longer want to continue like this
- You want to make a change
- You are considering ending your relationship because you don’t see the way to solve the problems
Tips and Advice on Dealing with a Relationship that Is Over
- Identify the issues in your relationship and see if it’s possible to solve them
- Differentiate between personal issues each of you brought into the relationship and those that are caused by the dynamic between you and your partner
- See if both of you are interested to make this relationship work. If you are interested in being together, but don’t know how to solve your problems, talk to a relationship coach and get some help.
- If you are not interested in your relationship, not willing to make an effort to make it work and don’t want to get some help to solve your issues. Then, consider having a break from your relationship to see if you are happier apart than together.
- If you find that you are more fulfilled being without your partner, then you can end your relationship and move on.
Whether you decide to work things out or end your relationship. Try to keep an open line of communication, so you can give each other feedback. You can help each other resolve the practical aspects of separating (social and financial) and move on in the best way possible.
If you don’t know how to deal with a relationship that is over and need professional help and advice, we’ll be happy to help! Take a look at our coaching options here.
Frequently Asked Questions
How can you tell if your relationship is over?
You relationship is over when both you and your partner decide to end it, until then you are still in a relationship even though it may not be a healthy one. Therefore, until you both agree to end it. There’s a chance to make it work, provided you have the willingness to do so and are open to getting professional help.
What are the signs your relationship is in trouble?
Your interactions result in arguments that you don’t know how to solve. As a result they turn into resentment which further deteriorates your relationship. And you don’t know how to resolve the situation.
How do I know when a relationship is toxic?
A toxic relationship is an unhealthy relationship which has gone on for a long time. So, you probably want to ask yourselves why you haven’t addressed the problems before. You know, you are in a toxic relationship when you would rather spend the time apart than together. The most of the time you spend together, you wish you would be apart.
How to know if your relationship has a future?
You enjoy your time together and have clear goals for your personal lives and relationship which align with your partner’s.
What makes someone unhappy in a relationship?
Either, someone doesn’t know how to be happy by themselves or the relationship is a lot of struggle and no fun.