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Fights are considered part of any relationship. But is it possible to have a long-distance relationship without having fights?
As in any relationship, sooner or later you have disagreements. Fights in a long-distance relationship are no different. But, the way you handle these disagreements will set the tone for the future of your relationship. A healthy way to handle the conflicts is to discuss your preferences with your partner and take the time to understand their point of view.
The moment you start fighting over your disagreements with your long-distance partner, you will end up fighting every time you have different opinions.
In this article, we’ll explore a more loving and healthier way to handle your disagreements instead of fighting all the time.
Is It Normal for Long-Distance Couples to Fight?
Many long-distance relationship couples fight, but does it make it normal?
Just because the majority of couples fight doesn’t mean that that’s a healthy way to have a relationship. Fighting happens when you see your partner as an enemy. So the first question is, why are you in a relationship with someone who you believe is your enemy?
It’s easy to have confusion and misunderstanding in a long-distance relationship. When you are away from your partner, and your only way of communication is via online means, it can be hard to put your message across in the right way.
When you talk to someone who is in front of you, you can observe their body language and their change of behaviour. These things can help you gauge how the person is taking what you’re telling them.
In a long-distance relationship, you cannot see how your long-distance partner responds to what you say. So, you can’t adjust your conversation to flow as naturally as you would if your partner was in front of you.
Confusions and misunderstandings lead to unnecessary arguments. Furthermore, these arguments can quickly turn into fights if you allow this fighting to continue. At the same time, in a long-distance relationship, it will soon get out of control and ruin your relationship.
Why Do Long-Distance Relationships Fight?
It can be hard to maintain a relationship with somebody who is far away. Long-distance relationships can work very well for short periods. Many couples, however, try to make them last as long as they can.
Having a romantic relationship with a person who is away from you, it’s not something most people can handle for a long time.
A lack of physical intimacy can lead to sexual frustration and is one of the reasons why long-distance couples fight. Another reason couples fight in a long-distance relationship is for the lack of clear and open communication.
Long-distance relationships can bring a lot of sadness and struggle to your life. A bunch of negative emotions, together with miscommunication, can easily lead to unnecessary fights.
This plan includes healthy communication, regular visits, gifts, care packages, and spontaneous trips together. To maintain a long-distance relationship requires time, money, willingness, and effort. And all of them have to come from both partners.
The moment you and your long-distance partner are not on the same page in terms of the above, you will start having fights, which can destroy your relationship.
How to Avoid Fights in a Long-Distance Relationship?
Avoiding fights in your long-distance relationship isn’t the same as resolving conflict. It all starts when you and your partner have different preferences of yours about something.
Usually, people have a lot of emotions that are associated with their preferences. If you struggle to express these preferences and handle your feelings clearly and effectively, you risk fighting with your long-distance partner.
It’s normal and healthy to disagree on things. What makes the difference is the way you handle these disagreements. It’s healthy to express your thoughts, feelings, ideas and opinions freely to your long-distance partner. It’s also healthy for your partner to express their feelings, worries and concerns.
You might be tempted to suppress your self-expression to avoid a fight. This is unhealthy because this oppression will gradually eat away at you and your relationship.
At the same time, if you don’t express in the right way, your long-distance partner can misinterpret what you are saying and become defensive if they see your self-expression as a personal attack on them or their behaviour.
So, it’s healthy to express all that’s on your mind to your partner, but in the right way. When you do that, you will automatically avoid fights. Instead, you can hear each other out and understand both points of view.
How Do You Break the Silence in a Long-Distance Relationship?
To break the silence in a long-distance relationship, you can send a text message saying hi. You can also send a handwritten letter or a gift. You can even make a surprise visit to discuss the reasons for this silence in your relationship, to begin with.
More importantly, you need to understand why you had silence in your relationship. Maybe one of you was busy, or perhaps it was the way of punishment for someone doing something wrong.
Silence isn’t something you can afford in a long-distance relationship. When you live with your partner, you may not talk for a while, but you still see each other and share the space and function together. So you still have a way of communication.
In a long-distance relationship, you’re only way of communication is by talking to each other via text messages, phone calls, or video calls. These are the only ways you can maintain the connection with your partner and maintain your long-distance relationship.
If you stop talking to each other in a long-distance relationship, then you don’t have much of a relationship at all. If you find yourself in a situation where you are not talking to your long-distance partner for some time, take this as an opportunity to reassess your relationship.
How Do You Fix a Long-Distance Relationship After a Fight?
The key to fixing a long-distance relationship after a fight is to understand what caused the conflict. Once you know the reason for fighting, you can get to the bottom of it, to the source of your disagreement.
When you are ready to hear each other, you can have a calm discussion, and talk about things you disagree on. This time try to handle the disagreement in a better way. You can do so by having and applying open and transparent communication.
Most of the time, it’s pointless to apologise and move on. It doesn’t contribute to your relationship because it doesn’t help you understand your behaviour that led to the fight in the first place.
On the other hand, trying to understand how you ended up in a fight will help you to do a better job handling your disagreements next time.
How Do Long-Distance Couples Resolve Conflicts?
There’s this popular notion that all couples fight and that it’s normal. When something is considered normal, all it means is that the majority of people do it. But just because something is normal doesn’t make it healthy.
Would you say couples who fight are happy? No, unless fighting makes the two of them happy. But is such a relationship healthy?
Couples encounter conflicts throughout their relationship, so its something you expect. But resolving these conflicts through fights is unnecessary. Fight implies an enemy. So the question is, why are you in a relationship with someone you see as an enemy?
Disagreements, on the other hand, are inevitable. A relationship is made by two people sharing their time and space where each of them has their preferences. In a long-distance relationship, you don’t have to share the space, so you won’t encounter some problems until you live together.
It’s unrealistic to expect that both partners will want to do the same thing at the same time all the time. The key to resolving these differences isn’t a compromise or a sacrifice.
It’s finding a way that works for both of you. For example, if something is more important for one of you to have or to do at a time, the other thing can be done for the other partner at a later time, which is something you could discuss beforehand.
Here is our complete guide on making your long-distance relationship work.
How to Handle Arguments Long-Distance Relationship
Arguments are tough to deal with in a long-distance relationship. This is because of the confusion of talking about meaningful things via online means.
When you see your partner in front of you, you pick up on their behaviour and body language. This subtle signals can help you navigate your conversation, observe their changing feelings, and find a way to work around it.
In a long-distance relationship, you don’t get the luxury of seeing your partners behaviour or body language, so you cannot see how they respond to what you’re saying.
Suppose you don’t learn how to express yourself clearly and make sure that your partner understands you. In that case, it’s easy to have confusion and misunderstanding. Little misunderstandings can lead to assumptions to arguments.
So arguments in a long-distance relationship are easy to have but had to be dealt with. That’s why if you have something on your mind that’s bothering you, express it straight away to your partner as clearly as you can. When your long-distance partner knows what is going on inside you, they can find a way to help you.
If you want to improve your communication and pick up tips on how you can express yourself and listen to your partner, this workbook is for you.
How to Handle Long-Distance Relationship Fights?
What separates a healthy relationship from a toxic one is the couple’s ability to bring up and express their preferences and find a way to meet all their needs. The article on effective communication can show you how to do it.
This approach is radically different from having fights where there are a winner and a loser. This guarantees that one of you is going to lose, then your partnership isn’t worth much. In a healthy relationship, when you are together, you are a team, and this team has to be stronger together. It’s good to learn this when you are starting your long-distance relationship.
The way you handle your first disagreement will set the tone for your future relationship.
How you handle the disagreement will influence the quality of your relationships, from your family to your long-distance partner.
Long-distance relationship fights aren’t something you should avoid. If you have problems and disagreements, it’s worth taking the time to learn how to handle them healthily.
When you know how to manage your long-distance relationship and how to deal with disagreements, you will not need to have fights. You’ll be able to work out your problems calmly and lovingly.
In any relationship, it’s normal to have different opinions and different preferences. In a long-distance relationship, it’s common to have negative emotions that can take over your calm and loving nature.
If you disagree on something with your long-distance partner, try to manage your emotions separately from your preferences.
In other words, if you are feeling sad or frustrated, take time to discuss your feelings with your partner. And if there are things that you want in a certain way, discuss them with your partner, but on a separate occasion.
If you always fight in a long-distance relationship, it’s worth taking the time to work out your disagreements peacefully and lovingly. If you are not able to do that or are not willing to spend your energy on it, it could be healthier to end your relationship.
How Healthy Is Your Long-Distance Relationship?
If you are having doubts about your long-distance relationship and are not sure if you should try to fix it or let it go, here is our step by step guide to help you and your partner reassess your relationship and make an educated decision that works for both of you.
Relationship Coaching for Long-Distance Couples
Long-distance relationships are hard to maintain without knowing exactly what they involve.
However, once you understand what long-distance relationships are, what they are not and how to navigate them, you are a lot more likely to make it work.
We specialise in helping long-distance couples create and maintain a healthy relationship by building intimacy, trust and effective communication.
If you are starting a long-distance relationship or are already in one, send us a message to book an individual coaching session for yourself or a couples coaching session for you and your partner.
Frequently Asked Questions
How to deal with long-distance relationship fights?
To deal with a long-distance relationship fight, try to understand the source of your disagreement. Once you know what’s bothering you, talk about it lovingly. When you fight, you see your partner as an enemy. Take the time to remind yourself that you are in this relationship together, on the same team, with the same goals. That said, if you discover that you have different plans or want other things that can’t happen at the same time, maybe it’s time to break up.