21 Major Red Flags in a Long-Distance Relationship

flags to look for in a long-distance relationship

Navigating a long-distance relationship takes trust, communication, and support. But what happens when you sense something might be amiss?

Long-distance relationships can be both exciting and challenging. They require a strong foundation of trust, effective communication, and mutual effort from both partners. However, like any other type of relationship, long-distance couples can encounter obstacles and face red flags that indicate potential issues. It’s important to be aware of these warning signs, so you can address them promptly and prevent the relationship from deteriorating.

In this article, we will explore common red flags in long-distance relationships and provide insights on how to navigate them effectively.

Exhausted Conversations: How to Spot Communication Red Flags

One of the most critical aspects of a successful long-distance relationship is effective communication. However, it’s not uncommon for long-distance couples to experience communication breakdowns due to distance, time differences, or simply having busy schedules.

To overcome these challenges and break through unhealthy communication, it is vital to establish clear expectations on how and when you keep in touch. Setting aside dedicated time for a phone call, video chat, or messaging can help maintain a sense of connection. Be open and honest, listen to each other’s thoughts and feelings, and make an effort to bridge the distance gap.

But the way your partner treats you and communicates can indicate whether the relationship is healthy or problematic. A successful relationship requires communication that is open, honest, and consistent. Avoid falling into the communication rabbit hole, where discussions become circular and unproductive without reaching resolutions.

Let’s explore the most significant red flags to watch out for, so you can address them before it’s too late.

1. Lack of Consistent Communication

Effective communication is the lifeline of any relationship, especially when physical distance separates the couple. If one partner frequently goes silent for days or weeks, it can create distance and uncertainty.

Decreased phone calls, infrequent text messages, or unresponsiveness can indicate underlying issues. Without consistent communication, partners may feel neglected, unimportant, or disconnected from each other.

A lack of consistent communication also makes it difficult to stay connected, leaving one or both partners feeling lonely and unfulfilled in the relationship.

Try to make a conscious effort to have regular virtual date nights, send thoughtful texts or messages, and make an effort to stay connected even when life gets busy.

2. Avoidance of Meaningful Conversations and Difficult Discussions

If either partner avoids discussing tough topics, it could indicate a lack of trust or a fear of conflict. Difficult discussions are a necessary part of any relationship, and long-distance relationships are no exception. It’s important for both partners to feel comfortable discussing difficult topics in a relationship to resolve any issues that may arise.

You should be able to address concerns and feelings openly without the risk of your partner dismissing them and without the fear of your partner’s response.

If you’re finding it increasingly difficult to have a real conversation with your partner, it could be a sign of communication breakdown. Lack of regular and meaningful communication can lead to feelings of neglect, frustration, and emotional distance.

Utilising tools like video chat can enhance communication and help you develop a deeper understanding. Take time to discuss life beyond the surface level to foster emotional intimacy and connection. If communication feels exhausting, it may be a sign of underlying issues that need to be addressed and resolved.

3. Not Feeling Heard

It is essential for both partners to feel heard, understood, and valued in the relationship. When one partner consistently dismisses the other partner’s voice, thoughts, opinions, or emotions, it can create a significant imbalance and erode trust.

If you often find yourself expressing your feelings or concerns, but your partner doesn’t seem to acknowledge or validate them, it’s a huge red flag.

Being in a relationship means having a safe space to share your thoughts and emotions without fear of being dismissed or ignored. Aim to address this issue and communicate with your partner about the need for active listening and mutual respect.

Understanding your partner’s thoughts and feelings is crucial for effective communication and building a strong connection. Paying attention to such clues can help you understand the underlying dynamics and address potential issues.

4. One-Sided Conversations

If one partner does most of the talking and the other doesn’t reciprocate, it can be a sign that something isn’t quite right. Both partners should feel heard and valued in the relationship. One-sided conversations can lead to feelings of frustration, resentment, and a sense that the relationship is unbalanced. It is important for both partners to take the initiative and actively initiate conversations. Here’s more on conversations in a long-distance relationship.

5. Constant Arguments

Constant arguing and bickering can signal trouble and be signs of underlying issues in the relationship. If arguments become a regular occurrence, it’s important to address the root cause and find a solution. Take responsibility for your communication patterns and seek to understand each other’s perspectives.

Another relationship Reoccuring issue that frequently leads to arguments can indicate deeper issues that need to be addressed and resolved. If in doubt, you can always get the help of a couples coach to improve your communication and resolve conflicts in a healthy and productive way.

Frequently fighting can indicate deeper issues in a long-distance relationship that need to be addressed and resolved. Instead of attacking each other, learn to mutually resolve arguments with an effective conflict resolution process. Developing self-control is essential in managing emotions and navigating conflicts in long-distance relationships.

The fight or flight response can be triggered when partners face significant challenges and conflicts, without being able to find the solution and the way out. So, monitoring blood pressure levels is important as long-distance relationships can sometimes be stressful and impact overall well-being. Being in a relationship where partners resort to hurling personal insults is not a constructive way of working through conflicts.

Hold each other’s hand communicating openly by expressing your feelings, needs, and concerns. Talking multiple times a day can help maintain a sense of closeness in a long-distance relationship. However, too much communication can also be detrimental. You can learn where the balance lies by reading our article about communication in a long-distance relationship.

When Connection Fades: How to Spot Intimacy Issues in a Long-Distance Relationship

A long-distance relationship can put a strain on the sexual or romantic connection, which is a critical aspect of any romantic relationship. When communication feels exhausting, intimacy issues are not far behind. Let’s go over some behaviours that can signal trouble when it comes to intimacy.

6. Decreased Frequency of Intimate Moments

If the frequency of intimate moments between you and your partner has significantly decreased, it can signal trouble in the relationship. Thankfully, you can address this issue and openly communicate your needs and desires with your partner to ensure a healthy and satisfying sexual or romantic connection.

7. Lack of Emotional Connection

A lack of emotional connection frequently leads to a lack of intimacy, passion, and understanding. To combat this, long-distance couples can make an effort to stay connected emotionally by regularly communicating, sharing their thoughts and feelings, and finding meaningful ways to stay connected.

It’s important to listen to your partner’s voice and validate their emotions and concerns. Seeking the help of couples coaching can also assist in identifying and overcoming any obstacles that may be hindering the emotional connection in the relationship.

8. Emotional Distance

Long-distance relationships require a strong emotional connection and intimacy to thrive. If you notice your partner becoming emotionally distant, unresponsive, or disinterested in your life, is a huge red flag. Creating a safe space for open expression of feelings and actively listening to your partner’s concerns are essential in maintaining a healthy and positive bond across the distance.

Pay attention to your partner’s sense of emotional closeness and address any issues that arise. If emotional distance persists, it may indicate deeper underlying issues that require professional intervention or reevaluation of the relationship.

9. Difficulty Communicating Desires and Boundaries in Intimacy

Good communication is key in long-distance relationships. If you and your partner struggle to effectively communicate your desires and boundaries during intimate experiences, it can lead to problems.

Create a safe and non-judgmental space where both of you can express your needs and concerns openly and honestly. When your partner fails to respect your boundaries, it’s important to address the issue and establish clear expectations.

Addressing problems with communication, emotional connection, and physical intimacy is vital to ensure the overall health and success of long-distance relationships. Experiencing an energetic feeling when connecting with your partner can be a positive sign of a happy relationship.

Seeking guidance from couples coaching or a sex therapist can provide valuable insights and strategies to navigate the challenges and ultimately strengthen your relationship. A relationship coach who specialises in long-distance relationships has the expertise, knowledge and understanding to help you recognise each other’s feelings and avoid the nervous sense of uncertainty and confusion.

Doubts and Distrust: Warning Signs of Trust Issues in a Long-Distance Relationship

Trust is the foundation of a healthy relationship, including long-distance relationships. Without trust, doubts and insecurities can plague the relationship, leading to massive self-doubt and undue anxious feelings. If your partner questions your actions, becomes excessively jealous, or accuses you without valid reasons, it’s a major red flag indicating a lack of trust. Let’s explore the biggest red flags related to trust issues in long-distance relationships.

10. Lack of Trust

Trust is the cornerstone of healthy long-distance relationships. Without trust, doubts and insecurities can breed, leading to massive self-doubt and undue anxious feelings. If your partner frequently questions your actions, becomes jealous without valid reasons, or constantly accuses you of infidelity, it signifies a lack of trust. An impaired sense of trust or emotional connection can hinder the growth and success of long-distance relationships.

11. Lack of Transparency and Honesty

Transparency and honesty are crucial elements in establishing trust. If one partner is secretive or evasive about their life and activities, it can raise suspicions and erode trust. Both partners should be transparent and open with each other, especially in a long-distance relationship where physical closeness is limited.

By being open and honest about their own social lives and independent social life, partners can build trust and avoid continually second-guessing each other’s actions. Seeking the help of a couples coach can provide guidance on how to create a relationship based on trust and honesty.

12. Breaking Promises

Frequently broken promises or failure to follow through on commitments can indicate a lack of investment in the relationship. This behaviour can lead to feelings of disappointment and mistrust. Cultivating self-control is essential to avoid impulsive behaviour that can harm the relationship.

To address this red flag, it’s crucial to establish clear and realistic expectations for each other and regularly check in to ensure that promises are being kept. By honouring promises, you demonstrate your reliability and commitment to the relationship.

13. Jealousy and Possessiveness

Jealousy and possessiveness can be signs of a lack of trust in long-distance relationships. If one partner exhibits controlling behaviour or tries to limit the other’s freedom, it’s a major red flag for trust issues. To overcome these challenges, partners can work on building mutual respect and trust.

Discuss with your partner the reasons for their jealousy and possessiveness and find a way to work through these feelings together. Understand each other’s concerns, respect each other’s need for space and find ways to support each other’s emotional well-being.

If red flags persist and trust remains a constant challenge, seeking the help of a professional therapist or coach can provide valuable guidance in your search for solutions. And, in the meantime, check out this article that delves deeper into reasons for jealousy in a long-distance relationship and how you can handle it in a healthy and productive way.

When Plans Diverge: Red Flags in Planning of a Long-Distance Relationship

14. Lack of Future Direction

A shared vision of the future is crucial for healthy long-distance relationships. If your partner shows a lack of interest in discussing future plans together or avoids conversations about commitment and potential relocation, it may be a red flag.

If your partner consistently evades discussions about the future, it could indicate a lack of commitment or long-term compatibility.

Making a plan and setting a timeline can help you both align your expectations and work towards a common future. If you don’t yet have a plan, you should make one right away. We even have this step-by-step guide for you to get started.

15. Uncertainty about the future of the relationship

One of the biggest red flags in long-distance relationships is uncertainty about the future of the relationship. This can lead to feelings of insecurity and doubt. You can address this by openly communicating your plans, expectations and desires for the future. If you constantly have a nervous sense of unease or anxiety in the relationship, it may indicate deeper issues. Relationship coaching for couples can also help you work through any underlying issues and create a shared vision for your future.

16. Infrequent Visits

The absence of visits or continuous cancellations without valid reasons can be concerning in long-distance relationships. Without regular visits, being sexually frustrated becomes a norm. But you can learn how to handle sexual frustration in our article.

Regular face-to-face contact is vital for building a strong romantic and sexual connection. Being in the same place physically can provide an opportunity to strengthen the bond and deepen the connection.

Sharing the same physical space allows for a deeper level of connection and shared experiences in a relationship. If your partner consistently avoids or postpones visits, it could indicate underlying deeper issues that you should address ASAP.

17. Difficulty in Making Decisions Together

Finally, difficulty in making decisions together can also be a red flag. When you are unable to make decisions as a couple, it can lead to feelings of frustration and disconnection. If you or your partner continually second guess yourselves, it can create a sense of insecurity and instability in the relationship.

Take time to hear and understand each other’s points of view. In long-distance relationships, understanding and valuing the importance of effective communication requires being attentive to not only your own thoughts and feelings but also to the other partner’s response. Couples coaching can help you develop effective decision-making skills and navigate complex issues together.

Warning Signs of Wavering Support in a Long-Distance Relationship

18. Lack of Effort

Balanced and healthy long-distance relationships require equal effort from both partners. If you’re consistently the one initiating conversations, making sacrifices, or planning visits, while your partner shows little reciprocity, it can be a sign of a lack of interest in the relationship. Make a conscious effort to have regular virtual date nights, send thoughtful texts or messages, and make an effort to stay connected even when life gets busy.

19. Unbalanced Effort and Investment

Successful long-distance relationships require both partners to invest time, effort, and commitment. If you consistently feel that you are putting in more effort or making more sacrifices to maintain the relationship, it may indicate an imbalance that could lead to resentment over time.

Both of you should demonstrate good faith efforts in maintaining the relationship. Also, try to determine whether your connection is just a relationship that is temporary or a serious relationship worth investing in. A partner who consistently demonstrates effort in the relationship shows a willingness to work through challenges and nurture the connection.

20. Lack of Emotional Support: A Sign of an Unhealthy Long-Distance Relationship

In a healthy relationship, partners provide emotional support to each other, especially during challenging times. In long-distance relationships, emotional support helps partners feel understood, valued, and cared for, even when they are physically apart. If you find that your partner consistently fails to provide emotional support during challenging times or dismisses your feelings and concerns, it can indicate an unhealthy dynamic.

To address the decreased emotional support, both partners should actively listen, offer empathy, and validate each other’s feelings. Start by talking about your emotional needs and expectations.

21. Inability to Celebrate Each Other’s Successes

Finally, an inability to celebrate each other’s successes is a major red flag. Celebrating each other’s wins can bring a couple closer and strengthen their bond. To address this, couples can make a conscious effort to celebrate each other’s successes, no matter how big or small. Relationship coaching can help you discover many ways to celebrate each other and how to do it effectively, even from a distance.

From Misunderstandings to Solutions

Here are some practical communication strategies to help you address red flags in your long-distance relationships:

  • Set Clear Expectations: Frame Communications in a Healthy Manner
  • Practice Active Listening: Fully Engage with Your Partner
  • Initiate Conversations: Take the Lead in Maintaining Connection
  • Frame Communications Positively: Emphasise the Good Aspects
  • Foster Independence: Encourage Each Other’s Social Lives
  • Seek Support: Build a Good Support System

For more practical tips, check out this article about communication issues and how to fix them.


In this article, we explored common red flags in long-distance relationships, including communication, trust, support, and future planning. They point to potential challenges and issues in your relationship and should not be ignored.

It’s best to address these red flags early on to prevent small issues from turning into larger problems. If you see any of these signs, it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship and consider whether it’s worth pursuing. Making a long-distance relationship work requires dedication, trust, and effective communication from both partners. Have an honest and open conversation with your partner to determine the future of your relationship and come up with a plan to address these issues together.

While long-distance relationships can be challenging, recognising and addressing red flags is essential for maintaining a healthy and fulfilling connection. Getting caught in a destructive or abusive cycle is a huge red flag that should never be ignored. Both partners should make good faith efforts to invest time, energy, and commitment into the relationship. Prioritising mental health is crucial for partners in long-distance relationships to navigate the challenges it presents. Distance can challenge mental health, so it’s important to be aware of the emotional impact and seek support when needed.

By practising healthy communication strategies, managing expectations, and actively working on the relationship, couples can overcome obstacles and build stronger relationships. Remember that each relationship is unique, and addressing issues promptly can lead to growth and a healthier dynamic. With dedication, trust, and effective communication, long-distance relationships can thrive despite the distance.

In a long-distance relationship, the longing to be in the same physical space can sometimes feel overwhelming, highlighting the importance of cherishing the moments spent together. Create opportunities to be in the same physical space, whether through planned visits or shared experiences.

Once you are in the position to move in together, living in the same city can eliminate the geographical barrier and allow for a more traditional relationship dynamic. Overcoming obstacles and working together ultimately strengthens the bond in a long-distance relationship.

However, if the distance isn’t working, transitioning from a romantic relationship to a platonic friendship can be a mutually beneficial outcome for some couples. Maintaining a platonic friendship can be challenging to begin with, but long term it can be a healthy alternative if you want to be in each other’s lives. By being proactive and seeking support, you can work through these challenges and strengthen your relationship.

Relationship coaching for couples can help you and your partner address any issues you may have with communication, trust, intimacy, support, or future planning. With some effort and help you can overcome the challenges of your long-distance relationship and build a strong and fulfilling partnership. Focusing on the positive aspects of the relationship, such as shared values and goals, can help overcome the challenges of distance.

Frequently Asked Questions About Red Flags in Long-Distance Relationships

What are the major red flags in a long-distance relationship?

Major red flags that signal trouble in a long-distance relationship include lack of communication, inconsistent or infrequent contact, unavailability or avoidance of discussing the future, lack of trust or transparency, and frequent arguments or conflicts. These signs indicate potential issues that need to be addressed for the health and success of the relationship.

How to know if someone is serious in a long-distance relationship?

To gauge if someone is serious about a long-distance relationship, look for consistent effort and commitment. Serious partners will prioritise regular communication, make time for virtual or in-person visits, express their feelings openly and honestly, and actively work towards resolving conflicts. They will also demonstrate trust, reliability, and a willingness to discuss the future together.

What does an unhealthy long-distance relationship look like?

An unhealthy long-distance relationship can exhibit various signs. These may include frequent arguments with no resolution, a lack of trust or jealousy, one-sided efforts in communication and commitment, dismissive or disrespectful behaviour, controlling or manipulative tendencies, and a general feeling of unhappiness or dissatisfaction. It’s important to address these issues and seek support if necessary.

When should you call it quits in a long-distance relationship?

Deciding when to end a long-distance relationship is a personal choice. However, some signs that it may be time to call it quits include a repeated pattern of trust violations, ongoing emotional or physical distress, a lack of effort or commitment from one or both partners and a persistent feeling of unhappiness or unfulfillment. If attempts to resolve issues have been unsuccessful and the relationship is consistently causing more harm than good, it may be best to consider ending it for the sake of your well-being.

Why do long-distance relationships fail?

Many long-distance relationships fail due to the inherent challenges of physical separation and limited face-to-face interaction, difficulties in maintaining regular communication, and the absence of physical intimacy. Additionally, the lack of shared experiences and the inability to support each other during important life events can contribute to feelings of emotional disconnect and a gradual erosion of the relationship.

How do you know if your long-distance relationship is failing?

Signs of a failing long-distance relationship include lack of communication, infrequent and unmeaningful conversations, one partner ignoring or dismissing the other’s thoughts and feelings, constant arguments, and emotional distance.

What spoils a long-distance relationship?

Factors that can spoil a long-distance relationship include poor communication patterns, trust issues, lack of quality time together, and unmet emotional and physical needs. It’s important to address these challenges and find ways to maintain a healthy connection despite the distance.

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