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In a regular relationship texting isn’t something you think about, you just do it. But long-distance relationships are different.
Couples in long-distance relationships tend to text too much as a way of feeling closer to each other. While it can give you short-term fulfilment, it can hurt your relationship in the long term. Excessive texting can get annoying, and not enough texting can leave you feeling disconnected. The secret is to find a balance between them.
To have a healthy long-distance relationship, you should find a balance of how much you text each other. There isn’t a specific amount of texting that works for all couples. This is something you should agree with your partner.
Today, we’ll go through some common problems with texting that couples face in a long-distance relationship, why texting is such a big deal why you should discuss it with your long-distance partner.
Only Texting in a Long-Distance Relationship
Texting is one way to communicate in a long-distance relationship. But it shouldn’t be the only one.
It’s a lot harder to express yourself clearly by texting alone. Not seeing your partner’s face or hear their voice make it hard to tell how to respond to what you’re saying.
Only texting in a long-distance relationship, doesn’t help you feel connected. When you hear the voice of your long-distance partner you feel a certain connection. That’s why people can spend hours talking on the phone even when they have nothing specific to talk about.
Another problem with only texting in a long-distance relationship is that you won’t be able to tell if your partner understands what you mean. This can lead to a lot of confusion and unnecessary misunderstandings and fights.
Long-distance relationships are notorious for having fights, even if there is no reason for them. It’s also a lot harder to sort out issues when you are away from your partner.
So if texting is the only way you communicate in your long-distance relationship, consider talking on the phone or having a few video calls now and then. Texting alone is not an effective way to feel connected, and it can leave you feeling distant in your relationship.
Long-Distance Relationship Texting Topics
By its nature, texting is great to share some news or ask a new question. In a long-distance relationship, you can use texting to agree to have a video call or to tell your long-distance partner how much you miss them.
A lot of couples in long-distance relationships get carried away with texting. They may have a full conversation about their relationship, their feelings, and problems via texts. As we’ve mentioned before, texting has its limitations when it comes to understanding how your partner responds to what you are saying.
When you’re in a long-distance relationship, it’s better to text something light. If you need to talk about deeper topics, video calls could be a better option.
Take a look at this article on conversation topics you could discuss with your long-distance partner.
You can avoid extra confusion by knowing why you are texting. Some people text because they want to know where is their partner, what they are doing, and who they are with.
Constantly wanting to know all of these things about your partner can be a sign of trust issues. And if that’s the case you should reassess your whole long-distance relationship. It’s normal to have doubts, but if you don’t have trust, that means your relationship is unhealthy, and you should address this issue.
To maintain a healthy long-distance relationship, it’s essential to have fun as well as talk about things that touch you deeply. If you would like some help expressing yourself and sharing your thoughts and feelings, this workbook will help you out a lot. It’ll also give you conversation ideas to grow your relationship and stay emotionally connected.
How Often Should You Text in a Long-Distance Relationship?
There isn’t an exact frequency of how often you should text your long-distance partner. But there are two points you should consider when texting each other in a long-distance relationship.
First of all, agree with your long-distance partner on how often you should text each other. You can text each other every day, every other day or once a week.
The important thing is that you agree on the frequency that suits both of you without compromising.
For example, you may want to text all the time. But your partner could be busy with other things. They can perceive this as excessive texting and will probably get annoyed. It can also be the other way around. Your partner might be texting you all the time, while you are busy studying, working, or going out. If this carries on you will see their texting as bothersome.
As long as you agree on how often you should be texting each other, all these problems can be avoided. It also means that every time you text, you’ll be happy to hear from your long-distance partner instead of trying to avoid conversations.
You can learn more about healthy frequency of communication in a long-distance relationship in this article.
Texting Everyday in a Long-Distance Relationship
Some long-distance couples like to text every day. Texting is a great way to lead your long-distance to let them know you’re thinking of them.
There’s a difference between texting all day, every day or sending a couple of messages throughout the day to tell your long-distance partner how much you love them.
If you find yourself spending hours texting every day, maybe reduce it to a couple of texts. It will be healthier for you to arrange a video call every other day instead of texting all the time.
Texting too Much in a Long-Distance Relationship
Too much texting in a long-distance relationship can lead to boring conversations and frustration. It’s a good idea to use texting for quick messages and leave longer conversations for phone calls and video calls.
Excessive texting also takes away from your personal life. The more time you spend texting, the less time you have to do something fun and exciting by yourself or with your friends. And if you don’t have anything exciting happening in your life, you won’t have anything interesting to talk about.
Take a look at common problems in long-distance relationships in this article.
Not Texting as Much in a Long-Distance Relationship
It’s normal to text a lot when you’re starting a long-distance relationship. As time goes by, you will find other things to do in your personal lives.
It usually happens that one person moves on to get busy with studies, work, going out, or doing whatever they like to do that involves their physical environment. This may leave another partner feeling alone.
If you find that your long-distance partner is not texting as much as they used to, tell them how you feel. It’s okay to express things that are on your mind. If you have any doubts you should talk about them. You can ask your partner why they’re not texting as much as they used to.
There are many reasons why your long-distance may not text as much. Maybe they’re busy, maybe they don’t like texting, or maybe they are feeling distant from you.
Just because your partner is texting less, doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t like you anymore.
You might find yourself stressing out assuming that if they’re texting less, they probably want to break up. This type of thinking isn’t healthy and in itself can lead to problems in the relationship.
If you find the real reasons, you can discuss them and address are any issues you may have. This complete step by step guide will take you and your partner through every aspect of a long-distance relationship.
Long-Distance Relationship Partner Stopped Texting
If your long-distance relationship partner stops texting, try to understand what was the reason for this change.
It’s easy to jump to conclusions that they don’t like you or they don’t want to spend time with you. But more often than not, they can just be busy, or they might not like texting as a way of communication.
Jumping to conclusions can lead to conflict and fights. It’s better to talk to your partner and express your concern to them.
A healthy way to express your concern to your long-distance partner is to share how you feel and what doubts you have. Your objective should be to find out the reasons why they stop texting, rather than blame them because you assume that something is wrong.
That said, if your partner suddenly stops texting, it could be a sign that they may long no longer be interested in you or your long-distance relationship. Instead of assuming, it’s much easier if you just ask your partner and let them tell you what’s really going on.
Long-Distance Partner Hasn’t Texted Back
If your partner normally texts you every day, and then they suddenly stop, that’s an example of a change in behaviour that you should explore.
It doesn’t need to be in an argument or an expectation or something that they have to do. But any behaviour change is a cause for doubt. Before you let this doubt grow and turn into an issue, it’s easier to talk to your long-distance partner about what is happening.
If they don’t text you for two or three days, maybe something came up, and they had to be busy.
If they haven’t texted you in the week and you don’t have any other contact, it’s normal that you would be concerned and that you would want to know why.
If you would like to run through different aspects of your long-distance relationship, this article is a good place to start.
How Often Should You Text in a New Relationship?
If you’re starting in your long-distance relationship, you probably have a lot to ask about each other. Texting is a great way to learn about each other.
In a new long-distance relationship, couples tend to take more care about the way they write and what they say. If this is the case, you can text as much as you like.
Couples who are in an existing relationship, tend to take less care about the way they write.
Confusing texts are hard to understand and very easy to misinterpret. Misunderstandings lead to unnecessary fights. For this reason, if you are in an existing long-distance relationship, you’d be better off calling on the phone or doing video calls.
Long-Distance Partner Bad at Texting
You may feel that your long-distance partner is bad at texting. If there is something that you aren’t happy with, talk to your partner and share your feelings with them.
If you don’t understand what they’re saying, it’s important that they know it. Because if they text something to you, which you don’t understand, you won’t be able to give an appropriate response. This will leave both of you feeling confused.
Communication in a long-distance relationship is mostly online. You get to see each other now and then but most of the time you will either text, call or video call.
When you can’t see the person you are talking to, it isn’t easy to understand their reaction to what they’re saying. You are also unable to see the change in their behaviour.
This is one of the things that make long-distance relationships harder.
If you think that your partner is bad at texting, try to avoid telling them that they are bad at it. Instead, figure out why do you think they’re bad and how do you think that they could improve it. So when you talk to them about texting, you can express how you feel about their texts and suggest what they could do to make it easier for you.
Doing it this way will spare them from feeling inadequate. This also reduces the chances of them being defensive and turning the whole discussion about texting into an argument.
Long-Distance Relationship Tired of Texting
If you or your long-distance partner text all the time, at some point you may get tired of texting. Some people prefer phone calls or video calls anyway.
The problem with texting is that it takes a lot longer to say the same thing. Another problem is that it’s harder to express yourself properly and to make sure that your partner understood exactly what you meant.
On the bright side, texting gives you time to think of how to phrase what you want to say. It also gives you time to respond to what your partner is saying.
In reality, couples in a long-distance relationship don’t take the time to write texts to make them clearer and easier to understand. A lot of the time, people rush to respond to a text with lots of grammatically incorrect contractions, misspellings and without punctuation.
What people don’t realise is that texting is just as much communication as talking to someone who is in front of you. It’s a way of sharing and connecting through transferring the information from person to person.
In a regular relationship, there is a benefit of seeing your partner’s facial expressions, body language, and a behaviour change. In a long-distance relationship, particularly through texting, all that you have is written words. You should be more careful when you formulate your sentences and express yourself as clearly as possible if you are to have any chance of making your long-distance relationship work.
Long-Distance Partner Hates Texting
Some people just hate texting altogether. It takes a lot longer to text than it’s to say the same thing on the phone.
In a long-distance relationship, this can create several issues. For example, one partner may enjoy texting. They like the idea of taking the time to formulate what they want to say and think of what they want to respond. Other people don’t like spending so much time texting, and they might prefer hearing a vocal response to what they are saying.
Neither of the ways of communication is right or wrong, and none of them is better or worse. What is important, is that you understand each other’s preferences when it comes to communication.
Once you can understand each other, you can find a way that works for both of you,
For example, you could agree to use texting for some occasions and some topics and do a phone call or video call if you wanna discuss something in more detail.
Long-Distance Relationship Texting Advice
In the long-distance relationship, it’s easy to misunderstand what your partner is trying to tell you. This can lead to unnecessary arguments and confusion. You can avoid this by making a few changes to the way you text your long-distance partner.
Here are some tips on texting in a long-distance relationship:
- Agree with your long-distance partner when and how often it’s okay to text each other.
- Avoid texting too much to the point where your conversations become boring.
- Take care when you write texts.
- Try to avoid abbreviations.
- Use correct grammar.
- Use punctuation when necessary.
- Keep your text conversation light.
- Leave deeper conversations for video calls or visits.
Texting Rules in a Long-Distance Relationship
While there aren’t universal rules for texting in a long-distance relationship, you can make a few rules of your own with your long-distance partner.
Here are some examples of the things you can agree on when it comes to texting:
- Keep your texts short.
- Don’t expect a response straight away unless you agreed to have a texting session.
- Avoid texting during working hours unless it’s an emergency.
Texting in a long-distance relationship is an easy way to keep in touch. However, texting can negatively affect your relationship if you text too much or ignore your partner’s texts.
To make the most of texting in your long-distance relationship, agree on the best time to text each other and set a limit of how much you text. Decide together what kind of things are ok to text and what things you should discuss on the phone or during video calls.
You should take time and care writing texts because it’s so easy to misinterpret text messages and this can create problems. Texting should be fun and interesting. If you are seeing it a chore, you won’t want to talk as much. You can always check out texting games to play with your long-distance partner.
Keep your texting short, sweet, and grammatically correct.
How Healthy Is Your Long-Distance Relationship?
If you are having doubts about your long-distance relationship and are not sure if you should try to fix it or let it go, here is our step by step guide to help you and your partner reassess your relationship and make an educated decision that works for both of you.
Relationship Coaching for Long-Distance Couples
Long-distance relationships are hard to maintain without knowing exactly what they involve.
However, once you understand what long-distance relationships are, what they are not and how to navigate them, you are a lot more likely to make it work.
We specialise in helping long-distance couples create and maintain a healthy relationship by building intimacy, trust and effective communication.
If you are starting a long-distance relationship or are already in one, send us a message to book an individual coaching session for yourself or a couples coaching session for you and your partner.
Frequently Asked Questions
What should I text my partner in a long-distance relationship?
You should agree with your long-distance partner on the topics that are okay for texting and the ones that are better to discuss on the phone or video calls.
How much texting is normal in a long-distance relationship?
There isn’t a set amount that all couples stick with. You should agree with your long-distance partner on how often it’s ok for both of you to text.
Should you text every day in a long-distance relationship?
You can text every day as long as they are short messages to let your partner know how much you love them. Spending hours on texting every day can be counterproductive and unhealthy.
What does it mean if my long-distance partner stopped texting me?
It could mean they are busy or they don’t like texting. It can also be a sign of a growing distance between the two of you. If it happens, ask your partner directly, before making assumptions and jumping to conclusions.
Is texting good for long-distance relationships?
A bit of texting is good to remind your partner that you’re thinking about them. Too much texting can be a waste of time and cause more problems.
How do I keep long-distance texting interesting?
To keep your texting interesting in a long-distance relationship, spend more time making your life interesting so that you can share it with your long-distance partner. If you are spending a lot of time texting, you won’t have any time left to live your life and will soon run out of things to talk about. Sexting can be fun, but it doesn’t replace physical intimacy. Instead of spending a lot of time sexting, use this time to find a way to be together.
Do you get tired of sexting?
If you text too much, after a while it will become boring. It also takes a lot longer to text than talk about it on the phone or via video calling.
Do long-distance text messages cost extra?
Text messages cost extra if you live in different countries. But there’s always social media and different free apps.
Is Sexting good for a long-distance relationship?
Sexting is great for any romantic relationship. In a long-distance relationship, however, it tends to compensate for real sex or the lack of. But tell me, can sexting fulfil the same need as the real sex does? No. So if you want a bit of fun, sure go sext 🙂 But if you have a silent hope that it will replace physical intimacy, you’ll be disappointed.