Long-distance relationships come with many uncertainties. When things you are unsure about go unnoticed, they can turn into doubts and put extra pressure on your relationship.
While doubts in a long-distance relationship are normal and to be expected, you should know why you are having doubts, so you can deal with them in a healthy way.
- Understand what doubts mean
- Acknowledge your doubts
- Distinguish between reasonable doubts and insecurities
- Share your doubts with your partner
- Deal with one doubt at a time
Let’s explore each of these steps is more details.
1. Understand What Doubts Mean
Before dealing with doubts, it helps to understand what it means to have doubts to begin with. In a nutshell, doubt are beliefs that something is not possible or doable.
Doubts can stand from insecurities or past experiences. While it is normal to have doubts about certain things, doubting yourself can lead to constant negative thinking. Doubting your partner can lead to distrust and tension in the relationship.
Doubt is uncertainty that leaves you worried and confused. To deal with doubts in a long-distance relationship, you need to have clarity about the things that bother you.
Once you know what you are unsure about, you can get clear on how you feel about it.
2. Acknowledge Your Doubts
The very first step in dealing with doubt is recognising this source of your beliefs. If you are doubting yourself or your partner because of personal insecurities, it is time to look within an address your limiting beliefs.
At the same time, your doubts can be quite objective, based on the past experiences. In this case, your approach to dealing with doubt would be different. You would want to focus on recognising your current situation, reflect on your past experiences and talk to your partner about any issues you need to address.
A healthy way to deal with doubts is by addressing them as soon as they arise.
If something is bothering you, ask yourself: What kind of uncertainty are you facing in your long-distance relationship right now?
3. Distinguish Between Reasonable Doubts and Insecurities
Reasonable doubts are the ones that are based on facts, observable behaviours and past experiences. Doubts that originate from insecurities are not objective and so are harder to handle.
If in doubt, ask yourself: Are your doubts based on something objective or are they caused by your insecurities?
When you have insecurities you may see uncertainty as something negative and fearful. This can lead to you being on guard all the time, even when there isn’t anything to worry about.
When it comes to insecurities, they can stem from limiting beliefs that may originate from as far back as your childhood. Identifying these beliefs is key in recognising insecurities and dealing with them in a healthy way.
To learn more about how insecurities affect your long-distance relationship, take a look at this article.
4. Share Your Doubts with Your Partner
Doubts that are left unexpressed and unaddressed can accumulate, leading to a great deal of stress. They can negatively impact your long-distance relationship, making it that much harder.
Some reflection with your partner can go along way towards both of you recognising the uncertainties in your relationship and addressing all of your doubts in a healthy way.
Being in a long distance relationship, you know how many uncertainties come with being away from your romantic partner for a long time.
While some people see uncertainty as exciting and adventurous, others experience a great deal of stress from the unknown.
In a long distance relationship, self expression and communication are the main ways you can maintain emotional connection. When it comes to doubts, it is important that both you and your partner share them with each other.
Keep in mind that it may be difficult for either of you to express your thoughts and feelings. It can also be challenging to hear that the person when you are overwhelmed with doubts yourself.
Take the time to talk about your challenges regarding communication, if you have any. It could also help to create the time and space for each of you to express your doubts and then to have a separate conversation to hear each other out.
In a healthy relationship, you should be able to express any doubt you have to your long-distance partner without reservations. If you don’t share your concerns with your partner, they won’t be able to help you.
The only way you can work things out with your long-distance partner is if you have open and transparent communication. Open communication means that you can express your feelings to your partner freely, without fear of them judging you.
Effective communication also means that you can hear your partner out and understand their point of you. Your partner may see your long-distance relationship differently from you. This is normal.
If you would like some help communicating with your long-distance partner, check out this workbook.
To make your long-distance relationship work, you and your long-distance partner must trust each other and be willing to understand each other’s point of you.
5. Deal with One Doubt at a Time
Writing down any doubts that you can identify within yourself and the doubts your partner shared with you.
Once you have them written down, you can address your doubts one by one. Try to avoid discussing your doubts and your partner’s doubts in the same video call.
You can deal with objective and reasonable doubt by identifying what is causing them and finding a solution to address that course.
Dealing with doubts that come as a result of insecurities involves into work that would help you identify the source or your insecurities. This is more of a long-term process requires involvement, time and effort. So, set realistic expectations and don’t aim to figure everything out right away. High and unrealistic expectations can put extra pressure on you, your partner and your relationship.
Doubts originate from uncertainty and insecurity about yourself, your partner or your relationship. Common doubts in long-distance relationships range from practical things like when you will see your partner to how you feel about each other.
To deal with doubts in a long-distance relationship, you need to understand what kind of uncertainties you are facing and how you feel about them.
For example, you may be uncertain about how your long-distance partner feels about you. A healthy way to deal with this uncertainty is to ask your partner directly. To do this, you need to trust that your partner will tell you the truth about how they feel.
Let’s say you have something on your mind that bothers you. At the same time, you choose not to share it with your partner. With time, this thought turns into a doubt.
For example, you may start thinking about what if your partner doesn’t love you. Then your mind can start creating stories based on this negative assumption.
If you don’t express your doubts and concerns to your partner, they will grow in your mind and can become an issue. Unresolved issues become problems that can destroy your relationship. To avoid common problems long-distance couples face, have a look at this article.
So the best way to deal with doubts, regardless of how long you’ve had them, is to share them with your partner and ask them for their opinion.
Bringing up doubts can be difficult emotionally and practically. To make it easier, we have created this step by step guide that will help you and your partner have healthy conversations. Use this guide to express yourself, share your doubts and find a way to address them.
You could reduce the doubts in your relationship by having a plan of where is your relationship going and a timeline to reassure you that your plan is going in the right direction. And we have the workbook just for that!
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it normal to have doubts in a long-distance relationship?
Doubts are part of life. The lack of touch in a long-distance relationship makes it hard to know how your relationship is going. This uncertainty together with other negative feelings you may experience gives rise to doubts. The best thing you can do is address them straight away with your partner.
How do you know your long-distance relationship is failing?
– You no longer have romantic feelings
– You don’t enjoy each other’s company
– Your relationship has become boring
– Problems are piling up and you don’t know how to fix them
– You are no longer interested in making this relationship work
Is it normal to struggle in a long-distance relationship?
While struggling in a long-distance relationship is normal, it does not mean it is healthy. Long-distance relationships have distance specific challenges. Knowing how to handle the distance can help overcome these challenges. Ignoring or not being able to overcome the challenges can lead to problems. Unresolved problems turn into struggles.
Should long-distance couples talk everyday?
Talking every day is not necessarily a good idea in a long-distance relationship. This is particularly true for couples who spend hours talking, even when they have nothing to talk about. This leads to excessive communication and may result in you losing interest in your long-distance relationship.
Can you be clingy in a long-distance relationship?
Being clingy is very common in long-distance relationships. Couples who do not see each other for long periods, experience a lack of physical intimacy. The only option to compensate for this lack of physical intimacy is by having and maintaining strong emotional connection. To achieve this, partners tend to talk more frequently and for longer. While understandable, this may lead to excessive communication and unhealthy relationship. A better way to maintain emotional intimacy is by working on the quality of your communication, rather than quantity.
How Healthy Is Your Long-Distance Relationship?
If you are having doubts about your long-distance relationship and are not sure if you should try to fix it or let it go, here is our step by step guide to help you and your partner reassess your relationship and make an educated decision that works for both of you.
Relationship Coaching for Long-Distance Couples
Long-distance relationships are hard to maintain without knowing exactly what they involve.
However, once you understand what long-distance relationships are, what they are not and how to navigate them, you are a lot more likely to make it work.
We specialise in helping long-distance couples create and maintain a healthy relationship by building intimacy, trust and effective communication.
If you are starting a long-distance relationship or are already in one, send us a message to book an individual coaching session for yourself or a couples coaching session for you and your partner.
Coaching Session – 60 minutes$120.00