Insecurity in a Long-Distance Relationship

Insecurity in a Long-Distance Relationship

Long-distance relationships are filled with love and promise, yet can sometimes be accompanied by insecurities.

While relationship insecurity is normal, feeling insecure in general can get in the way of a happy life and fulfilling relationships. Relationship insecurity can put a lot of strain on you and your partner. In long-distance relationships, it’s common for partners to constantly doubt if they have what it takes to close the distance and build a future together. You can overcome relationship insecurity by talking about your doubts and concerns with your partner and addressing them together.

In this guide, we’ll talk about relationship insecurity and explore practical strategies to help you and your partner overcome the challenges of feeling insecure and build a stronger, more secure connection and.

Relationship insecurity and jealousy overlap in many ways, but we cover jealousy in a long-distance relationship in a separate article if you are interested.

What Is Insecurity?

Insecurity is that feeling of uncertainty or lack of confidence in oneself or in a situation. It’s when a person doubts their own worth or abilities. We all want to be truly loved or accepted, but since it depends on other people loving and accepting us, in order to believe it, we need to trust them.

Insecure people tend to have more doubts and need constant reassurance that they are loved and cared for in order to stop feeling insecure.

Remember, it’s normal to feel insecure from time to time. However, if you are overwhelmed by negative thoughts and constantly feeling insecure, it’s worth addressing. Don’t be afraid to communicate your feelings openly with your partner and consider professional guidance and support.

Insecurities can arise from various sources, such as past relationships, personal doubts, or fear of the unknown. To overcome these feelings, it’s crucial to recognise and acknowledge them.

An insecure person often experiences social anxiety and tends to prefer alone time.

Personal Insecurities

Personal insecurities often stem from low self-esteem and low self-confidence. It’s important to remember that you are worthy of love and trust. Work on building your self-worth to strengthen your relationship.

Once negative self-talk becomes a habit, it can lead to self-sabotaging behaviour where no matter what you do, you still don’t get what you need or desire. This “failure” promotes self-doubt, reinforcing low self-esteem. Low self-esteem results in further diminished self-confidence.

At this point, you become afraid that no matter what you do you are guaranteed to fail. And, this belief leads to a self-fulfilling prophecy. Self-love is the very first step to break out of this vicious cycle and get on the track to success.

Once you figure out the underlying causes of your self-doubt, you can start working on it and let your partner support you. It can be trickier when you have doubts that you don’t even realise are there. These hidden worries can make you do things without really knowing why. If you still can’t stop feeling insecure, just send us a message. We’re here to help.

Dedicate time each day to practices that boost self-esteem, such as positive affirmations or journaling. Embracing self-love can reduce personal insecurities. Set personal goals and celebrate your achievements. This can increase self-worth and self-confidence.

An insecure person is more likely to have insecurities in a relationship. Insecurity in a relationship can increase anxiety and leave you feeling insecure about other areas of your life.

Relationship insecurity

Insecurity in a relationship often comes from previous relationships. When people break up to start a new relationship, they hope that things will work out better next time. However, without self-reflection and reevaluation of previous relationships, people tend to make the same mistakes that led to problems in the past, in their new relationship.

Even when two people love each other and enjoy spending time together, there comes a point where they may not be able to get on the same page. It’s natural that even a healthy relationship needs a little effort.

In a strong and happy relationship, every partner feels free to express themselves without the fear of judgment. This takes away the need to be constantly worrying about negative thoughts and allows partners to understand each other’s point of view, and feelings and be able to talk about their self-doubt openly and freely.

An insecure person is more likely to feel jealous. A jealous partner can make your relationship and life more stressful and less enjoyable.

Long-distance relationship insecurity

Understanding insecurity in long-distance relationships is the first step to addressing it. Not being physically close to your other half is by far one of the biggest challenges. If you are an insecure person, being away from your partner can sometimes be too much to bear.

Insecurities in a relationship where you live in the same place can be tough enough, but to stop overthinking all the uncertainties that come with being apart, particularly if you have a lot of free time can really add a lot of stress to your life.

If you live in your home town, you can talk things over with your family and friends. But if you happen to be in a new place, it can be a very lonely experience. This is why regular and frequent phone calls are essential to make your long-distance relationship work until you can be physically close.

The Impact of Insecurities on Long-Distance Relationships

Long-distance relationships are full of uncertainties. While you can plan how long it will last and how you will manage it while being apart, the longer you are away from your romantic partner, the more insecure and anxious you can start feeling about your relationship.

Unchecked insecurities in a long-distance relationship can lead to:

Insecure individuals tend to overthink situations and misinterpret their partner’s actions or words, often assuming the worst.

Insecurity in a relationship can be fueled by physical distance that can exacerbate fears of abandonment, leading to anxiety and clingy behaviour. That’s why it’s essential to keep on top of your intimacy, even when you are physically apart. Check out this guide for some practical guidance.

One of the priorities in dealing with insecurities in a relationship is to address self-sabotaging behaviour. It’s a way for a person with low self-confidence to protect themselves from potential future hurt.

Insecurity can lead to negative self-talk, where individuals constantly question their self-worth and whether they are deserving of their partner’s love.

Seeking support from trusted individuals or professionals can help mitigate the impact of insecurity. If you want to speak to a relationship coach right away, send us a message.

Signs of Insecurity in a Relationship

Being able to identify signs of insecurity in yourself and your partner is the first step towards resolution. Here are some common signs of relationship insecurity:

  • A constant need for reassurance
  • Overthinking and misinterpretation
  • Jealousy and possessiveness
  • Low self-esteem
  • Avoidance of independence
  • Difficulty trusting
  • Comparing with others
  • Excessive need for control
  • Self-sabotaging behavior
  • Constantly checking partner’s social media accounts

People with relationship insecurity may struggle with low self-confidence and may not believe they are deserving of their partner’s love and affection. They may avoid spending time alone or engaging in independent activities, preferring to be constantly with their partner.

It’s important to remember that occasional moments of insecurity are normal in any relationship, but if these signs persist and significantly impact the relationship, it may be helpful to seek open communication and possibly professional guidance to address and work through these feelings.

Dealing with Insecurities in a Long-Distance Relationship 

The most effective way to deal with insecurities in a long-distance relationship is to talk openly about them with your partner. By having an honest conversation you can address your personal issues and relationship problems as well.

Recognising insecurities and talking about them can be quite uncomfortable. But the beauty of having someone you trust, like your partner, is that you can share your intimate thoughts and feelings with them.

To do that, you need to be able to express yourself openly and clearly to your partner. They, in turn, must have a willingness to care about listening to what you have to share.

This, of course, goes both ways. Expressing yourselves openly and honestly to each other is a strong foundation for a healthy relationship.

How to Overcome Insecurity in a Long-Distance Relationship?

The only way to overcome insecurity in a relationship is to face it together. Let’s explore practical tips to help you both overcome insecurities and strengthen your connection.

1. Acknowledge your relationship insecurity

Successful long-distance couples get ahead of relationship insecurity by developing open communication, learning to manage physical distance and planning the future of their relationship.

If you are uncomfortable discussing your doubts with your long-distance partner, it could be a sign of either personal insecurities or trust issues. Trust is essential for sharing personal and sensitive things. If you would like some guidance addressing any trust issues, this workbook will help you out.

2. Develop open communication

The skill to communicate openly and clearly is essential to a healthy relationship and a better social life in general.

  • Scheduled Check-Ins. Establish a regular schedule for video calls and check-ins. Consistency in communication provides reassurance.
  • Clarify Misunderstandings. If you sense misinterpretation, ask open-ended questions to understand your partner’s perspective better. Clearing up misunderstandings can ease insecurity.

3. Build trust

Create special moments or activities that can be as simple as watching a movie together online or having meaningful conversations and planning future visits.

  • Virtual Date Nights. Plan virtual date nights where you can enjoy activities together, like cooking the same meal or watching a movie simultaneously.
  • Share Experiences. Read the same book, watch the same TV series, or explore new hobbies together. Sharing experiences creates a deeper connection.
  • Reflect on a previous relationship. Spending time reflecting on your previous relationship is definitely worthwhile if it can help you do better in a new relationship.

Insecurities and distrust can lead to suspicions. In other words, when you feel insecure, and you don’t trust your partner completely, you may become suspicious of them. You will want to know what they do and who they are with all the time. Later on, this can manifest as controlling behaviour.

The moment you try to control your long-distance partner, they will start being defensive. Their defensiveness can manifest as an unwillingness to share things with you.

If your partner feels overpowered by your controlling behaviour, they might go along with what you want. But in doing so, they will compromise their freedom and ability to do what they want to do with their life and free time. 

While it may appear reassuring to you that your partner does what you want and you will feel less insecure for some time, for a long-term relationship it won’t work and it will make both of you unhappy.

If you notice yourself being controlling of your long-distance partner, try to identify the insecurities that you have. However, it may not be easy to see them. But you can guess things that make you feel insecure. 

The best thing you can do is talk about them with your long-distance partner. There is a chance your partner will be able to tell you something that you might struggle to see for yourself about you or your behaviour.

4. Set clear expectations

Define your goals, boundaries, and expectations. Discuss your long-term plans and ensure you’re both on the same page regarding the direction of the relationship.

  • Define Long-Term Goals. Discuss your long-term goals and aspirations as a couple. Knowing where you’re headed reduces uncertainty and can help you stop feeling insecure. What is one important thing that each of you wants to achieve?
  • Boundary Setting. Clearly define boundaries regarding friendships and personal space to prevent misunderstandings.

5. Practice self-love and self-care

Taking care of your physical, emotional, and mental well-being is crucial. This includes activities that boost your self-confidence and self-worth. Self-doubt can lead to doubt about the relationship and further fuel insecurity in a relationship. Here are some ideas:

  • Self-love and confidence-building practices
  • Exercise together
  • Challenge each other to stay active.
  • Pursue personal goals
  • Build self-reliance
  • Reassure with actions
  • Mindfulness meditation

Stop looking for constant reassurance from others. Emotional dependency on other people can contribute to low self-esteem. Instead, focus on self-love and take care of yourself.

6. Make a plan

Having a plan can help you feel secure about the future. You just need to make sure that your plan is realistic and actionable.

A solid plan will help you manage the uncertainties that are inherent in long-distance relationships. It can also help you overcome insecurities. Without a plan, it’s hard to maintain a healthy relationship. Try to communicate enough to feel emotionally connected and know that you are on the same page.

7. Address relationship insecurity together

Share your insecurities with your partner. Support each other during moments of insecurity and strengthen your partnership.

  • Regularly express gratitude for each other. Acknowledging the positive aspects of your relationship can offer reassurance and help you better handle yourself when you are feeling insecure.
  • Create a safe space where both of you feel safe discussing your fears and insecurities without constantly worrying about judgment and criticism.

8. Use Workbooks for Personalised Guidance

For those seeking structured guidance, consider using our specially designed workbooks. These workbooks for long-distance couples provide step-by-step exercises and guidance tailored to your unique situation.

9. Get Professional Help

Talk to someone you trust like family members or friends, will give you an outside perspective. But, if you experience insecurity in your long-distance relationship that is too much to handle, consider getting professional help and guidance.

A relationship coach who specialises in long-distance relationships can understand the challenges of distance in a romantic relationship. A good coach will not only tell you what to do, but they will spend time to understand your personal life and circumstances and will show you how your insecurities affect your behaviour and how this behaviour affects your relationship.

Identifying the underlying causes of your insecurities in a relationship is a crucial first step to overcoming insecurities and building a stronger and more intimate connection with your partner.


The most important thing you can do to combat insecurity in a relationship is to develop a better understanding of where your insecurities come from and how they impact your current relationship. To address insecurities in a relationship, you will need to face personal insecurities. Once you acknowledge personal insecurities, make sure to give yourself some love.

Expect to encounter negative thoughts and negative self-talk, but don’t let them control your behaviour.

  • Take a step back and spend time to relax your body and mind.
  • Take as much time as you need.
  • Once your head is clear and you feel calm, fill yourself up with self-love.

This little exercise will help you find balance, stop overthinking and feel secure about yourself. It may not resolve all your insecurities in a relationship, but it will give you some head space to find a healthy way to handle them.

As you notice your self-confidence growing, you can talk things over with your friends and your partner and have a more emotionally balanced experience.

If you find that you need more personalised guidance or wish to explore coaching options, don’t hesitate to reach out. We’re here to help!

And, remember… Relationship insecurity can be overcome with proactive effort and love.

Frequently Asked Questions about Insecurity in a Long-Distance Relationship

How to deal with insecurity in a long-distance relationship?

To deal with insecurities in a long-distance relationship, consider separating them into personal insecurities and the ones that have to do with your relationship. Long-distance relationships come with a lot of uncertainties, that leave you feeling doubtful and anxious. The best way to handle them is to share what’s on your mind with your long-distance partner. It’s easier to find a solution when you can openly talk about doubts and insecurities with someone you trust.

How do I stop being insecure in a long-distance relationship?

You can stop being insecure about your long-distance relationship by talking about your doubts with your partner. One practical thing you can do is to make a plan and a timeline. Having a plan will reassure you about how long your long-distance relationship will last and how you can manage your communication and your visit until you move in together.

Is it normal to feel insecure in a long-distance relationship?

Yes, feeling insecure in a long-distance relationship is normal. The uncertainty of physical distance can leave you feeling insecure and vulnerable. When you experience insecurity, it’s important to communicate openly with your partner about it, so they can give you the help and support you need.

How do I stop feeling insecure in a long-distance relationship?

Communicate openly with your partner when you are feeling insecure.
Focus on building trust through consistent and honest communication.
Engage in activities that boost your self-esteem and confidence.
Set clear expectations and boundaries with your partner.

What is the biggest fear in a long-distance relationship?

The biggest fear in a long-distance relationship is growing apart or losing the emotional connection due to the physical distance.

How do you overcome overthinking in a long-distance relationship?

Practice mindfulness and stay present in the moment.
Communicate with your partner about your concerns and seek reassurance.
Engage in activities that keep you occupied and mentally engaged.

Why am I so anxious about my long-distance relationship?

Anxiety in a long-distance relationship can arise from uncertainty, concerns about trust, and the natural challenges of maintaining a connection over a distance. Open communication with your partner can help alleviate some of this anxiety.

Why do I get so jealous in a long-distance relationship?

Jealousy in a long-distance relationship can stem from the fear of your partner forming connections with others in your absence. It’s important to communicate your feelings with your partner and work together to build trust.

How to survive anxious attachment in a long-distance relationship?

Seek support from a therapist, counsellor or relationship coach to work through anxious attachment patterns.
Practice self-awareness and self-compassion.
Communicate your needs and concerns with your partner in a constructive manner.

How do I make him fear losing me in a long-distance relationship?

Instead of trying to instil fear, focus on building a strong and trusting connection. Communicate openly, be supportive, and work together to strengthen the emotional bond.

What is the pain of a long-distance relationship?

The pain of a long-distance relationship often stems from the longing for physical closeness, the challenges of maintaining intimacy, and the occasional feelings of loneliness and separation.

How long can a long-distance relationship last without seeing each other?

The duration a long-distance relationship without physical meetings varies for each couple. Some couples can sustain a strong connection for extended periods, while others may find it more challenging.

When do you feel disconnected in a long-distance relationship?

When you feel disconnected, it’s important to address it promptly. Schedule dedicated time for communication, engage in shared activities, and express how you feel to your partner. Open and honest communication is key to reconnecting.

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