When to Let Go of a Long-Distance Relationship

When your long-distance isn’t working or you’ve drifted apart, it could be time to let it go.

It’s time to let go of your long-distance relationship when it no longer brings you happiness and fulfilment. Letting go of a long-distance relationship is a deeply personal decision, but there are key indicators that can help guide this choice. Inconsistent communication and emotional distance can signal a significant disconnect. Trust issues, endless suspicion, or a lack of transparency can compromise the foundation of a strong relationship. Fundamental differences in long-term goals or uncertainties about the future, it’s time to reevaluate.

In this article, we’ll explore the signs to help you decide when your long-distance relationship has reached the point when it’s time to let it go.

How to Know When to Let Go of a Long-Distance Relationship?

It’s hard to pinpoint the exact moment when you should let go of your long-distance relationship.

When relationships don’t work, they tend to deteriorate over time. One moment you are happy and in love and the next you are in a relationship full of arguments. At this point, you can either try to fix your relationship or let it go and move on. 

Letting go of someone with whom you shared a part of your life is not easy. Because of this, you may choose to stay together, even if your relationship is no longer working for you.

You may try to make your relationship work, even if you are not feeling it any more. Maybe you are afraid of being alone or don’t know how to deal with the void that your partner will leave in your life.

• If your feelings change, express them to your partner and make a decision together.
• If you’ve had enough and just want to break up, there’s a right and a wrong way to do it.

In a nutshell, it’s time to let go of your long-distance relationship when it no longer contributes to your life and well-being.

If you are feeling at a crossroads with your relationship, the first step is to figure out what’s wrong!

To understand what is working in your relationship and what is not, check out this workbook.

Once you identify the problems in your relationship, you will be able to find the best way forward.

When to Call it Quits in a Long-Distance Relationship? 

It’s time to call it quits in your long-distance relationship when your relationship is dysfunctional, unsolved problems accumulate, and you feel emotionally overwhelmed. When your long-distance relationship becomes toxic, it’s best to let it go.

If you are thinking of quitting your long-distance relationship, don’t rush into it.

Take a week or so to get in touch with your thoughts and feelings. Once you’ve reflected on your relationship, talk to your partner.

Express your thoughts, doubts, and concerns as clearly and honestly as you can. Give your partner some time to process what you’ve said and hear them out.

When you get everything out in the open, you’ll be able to make a better decision that works for both of you.

Whatever you decide, you will know that you’re not the person who is running away from problems. Instead, you are the one who faces them and learns how to handle the situation the best way you can.

This approach will help you with your future relationships as well as your life in general.

When you become desperate to quit your relationship, all you can think about is breaking up and moving on. You no longer have the capacity to consider your partner’s feelings. And while it is understandable, you risk leaving your partner hurt, unheard and insecure.

After a heartbreak, it’s hard to pick yourself up and be ready for a new relationship.

Moreover, unless you recognise what went wrong, you are likely to invite similar problems to your next relationship.

To understand yourself better as well as establish who could be the right person for you, check out this workbook.

Reasons to Call it Quits in Your Long-Distance Relationship

• You feel emotionally overwhelmed.
• You no longer enjoy being with your partner or talking to them.
• You and your partner have different life goals.
• You don’t see that moving in together is realistic, given your current circumstances.
• Your long-distance relationship lasted a long time, and you are tired of being apart.

While it’s okay to end a relationship, you should do it the right way.

You started your relationship together, so both of you are responsible for making it work or breaking up.

Our article on how to end your relationship will show you a way to go about it with dignity and respect towards yourself and your partner.

When Should You Give Up On a Long-Distance Relationship? 

The idea of giving up implies failure, and no one likes to fail. Giving up on a long-distance relationship suggests walking away from it because you don’t know what else you can do to make it work. 

If you feel like giving up on your long-distance relationship, it could mean one of three things:

1. You don’t believe you have the power to do something about it.
2. You aren’t sure how to manage a long-distance relationship.
3. You don’t know how you can fix the problems that you are experiencing.

Facing issues in a long-distance relationship is not easy. But if you want to make it work, you must bring yourself to face the issues and work together with your partner to find a solution. Your only other option is to break up. 

When you discuss your relationship issues with your partner, you may discover that some of them are not that hard to fix. All it takes is your willingness and your partner’s cooperation and support.

Provided your partner is willing to work with you, the only thing that stands in the way of your success is poor communication. To help you with this all-important area of a relationship, we have put together a step-by-step guide to help you find understanding and talk about your issues.

You may also encounter some problems depending on the circumstances that are out of your control. In this case, you need to face your reality and discuss everything openly and honestly. It will help you find the best way forward for both of you. Either way, effective communication is key.

When Should You Stop a Long-Distance Relationship? 

You should stop a long-distance relationship when it is no longer working for you, and you can’t find a way to fix it.

Couples in long-distance relationships go through similar common problems. Fortunately, with good communication and understanding, most issues can be addressed and fixed relatively quickly.

Knowing how to communicate effectively also helps to build trust and understanding, so you can talk about anything that the distance throws your way.

Here is a step-by-step guide to help you handle the distance and make the most of your relationship.

That said, if your communication isn’t great, it will be tough for you to fix the issues you face.

Every little issue has a chance of growing into a big problem that can eventually ruin your relationship.

When you spend a long time in a long-distance relationship, there’s a possibility that you will drift apart. Your feelings may change, or you may develop feelings for someone else.

In a long-distance relationship, you are away from your partner for long periods. It means that you will have to experience life separately from each other.

As a result, you will have separate experiences that will shape you in different ways. With time, both of you will change and will no longer be the same people you were when you started your long-distance relationship.

In this case, you can talk about your options and reassess your relationship to see whether it’s worth continuing or if it is better to stop it.  

As long as you are in a relationship, try to avoid making any unilateral decisions.

Signs Your Long-Distance Relationship Is Over

It’s hard to pinpoint exactly when you should let go of your long-distance relationship. The distance brings many uncertainties into a relationship. If you don’t address your doubts, they can turn into problems. 

Long-distance relationships can be incredibly rewarding, but they also come with their own set of challenges. It’s important to recognize when the difficulties outweigh the benefits, and it might be time to consider letting go. Here are some key signs to watch out for:

Lack of Regular Communication

Communication is the lifeline of any relationship, and when it becomes sporadic or inconsistent, it can signal a disconnect. In a long-distance relationship, maintaining consistent communication is absolutely vital. Even quick phone calls that are part of the morning routine can mean a lot. However, when video calls, phone calls, and even simple talking sessions become sporadic or inconsistent, it raises a red flag.

This kind of poor communication can lead to a longer talk about what might be going wrong. It’s during these moments that video chats, meant to bring you closer, can paradoxically reveal a growing disconnect.

Recognising and addressing this issue is crucial for the health and longevity of any relationship, especially one that relies on the strength of communication to bridge the physical gap. Here are a few things to look out for:

• You tried to have a romantic relationship with someone who lives far away, but it didn’t work.
• You’ve been arguing with your partner more and more.
• You don’t talk as much as you used to.
• You no longer talk about your feelings, your relationship, or making plans for the future.

Feeling Constantly Suspicious

Trust is vital, and if you find yourself constantly questioning your partner’s actions or intentions, it may be a sign that trust has eroded. Long-distance relationships come with many uncertainties that can cause you to doubt your relationship. When you feel insecure, constant suspicion isn’t far behind. Even the distant possibility of your partner getting involved with another person can lead to further strain and a breakup conversation. Whatever personal experience you might be going through, don’t rush to end things.

Emotional Disconnection

If conversations are no longer as engaging or emotionally fulfilling, it could indicate a growing emotional distance. When video chatting and regular video calls are no longer enough to keep you connected, take it as a warning sign that keeping your relationship alive across the distance is no longer an option.

Maintaining intimacy with video chats is perfectly normal in long-distance relationships. However, even a video call doesn’t replace true intimacy and isn’t a sustainable way to maintain intimacy in the long run.

Spending time apart means a lack of physical intimacy is a given. With enough time spent separated by physical gap, a lack of sexual intimacy leads to sexual frustration and a partner may feel tempted to share sexual intimacy with someone else.

Difficulty in Planning Visits

Planning visits becomes increasingly difficult due to conflicting schedules or unwillingness to commit time and effort. A lack of quality time together is one thing that all failed long-distance relationships have in common. Visiting might be easier for those who live in different cities than for couples who have to cross countries. However, it also depends on the means and availability of travel. For some couples meeting in a new city somewhere in the middle, can make things easier and also be an opportunity to travel and explore.

Even when you visit each other, it’s important to plan how you will be spending time. Physical time together is essential to maintain physical intimacy. If you make plans to talk about visiting each other, but your partner always makes excuses, at some point, planning no longer makes sense.

One-Sided Effort

Relationships thrive on mutual effort. If you feel like you’re putting in significantly more work than your partner, it’s time for a serious conversation. Ideally, your long-distance partner can recognise this imbalance and

Dwindling Intimacy

Both physical and emotional intimacy are crucial components of any romantic relationship. If these aspects are waning, it’s a sign that something may be amiss. Partners who stay in a long-distance relationship long enough, are likely to reach a point where one or both partners are no longer excited about being together like they were in the beginning.

The best course of action is to regularly talk about your feelings and doubts, even if all you have the time for are phone calls.

Unresolved Issues: When problems arise, it’s important to address them. If issues keep resurfacing without resolution, it can lead to stagnation and frustration.

Different Future Goals

If you and your partner have drastically different visions for the future that don’t align, it can be a major source of conflict. When people involved have the same future goals it’s a good sign that no matter the challenges, at least you can spend time working towards your goals.

Long-Term Uncertainty

If there’s a constant sense of uncertainty about when or if you’ll ever close the distance, it can lead to anxiety and unhappiness. Every person handles uncertainty in their own way. One person may feel sad and depressed, while the other person may become stressed and anxious.

No matter your coping mechanisms, it’s essential that partners are always there for each other. A bit of reassurance can go a long way in dealing with uncertainty.

Spending time planning the future, usually helps partners feel connected and is a good way to break the cycle of depression or anxiety.

Lack of Personal Growth

A healthy relationship should encourage personal growth. If you find yourself stagnant or held back, it might be time to reassess. A lack of personal growth of one or both partners is a warning sign of relationships that aren’t healthy and don’t usually work out in the long run.

Unless partners find a way to encourage each other’s personal development, the best course might be to end things. This also creates an opportunity for each partner to find the right person who can contribute to their life.

The personal experience of one partner can be completely different from the other person. That’s why it’s important to talk often and have meaningful conversations about your feelings and future plans.

Remember, knowing when to let go is a sign of emotional maturity. It’s important to prioritise your own well-being and happiness. Ending a long-distance relationship can be incredibly difficult, but sometimes it’s the best choice for both individuals involved.

Ultimately, only you can decide what’s best for your own life and happiness. Trust your instincts, communicate openly, and remember that you deserve a relationship that adds positivity and fulfilment to your life.

These signs are also the most common reasons why long-distance couples choose to break up. Way too often one partner makes a unilateral decision to end the relationship. If you decide to end things, try to make sure that it’s a mutual decision.

When Is a Long-Distance Relationship Over? 

You may have doubts as to whether or not your relationship is over. The best thing to do is to talk to your partner about things that trouble you.

Being aware of what is really going on with your relationship will help you make better decisions.

Doubts can come from uncertainties and insecurities. But they may also develop from your partner’s behaviour or specific circumstances.

Unresolved doubts can leave you feeling stressed and anxious, and you are more likely to make bad decisions. Instead, share your doubts and concerns with your partner and let them help you. 

Talking about your concerns with your partner can help you separate what is really going on from what you think is happening.

Unless you share your feelings and struggles with your partner, they won’t know how to help you.

After discussing your struggles with your partner, you have a better chance of working things out together. Once you considered all aspects of your long-distance relationship, you may decide that it is really over. 

Sharing your thoughts and feelings with your partner doesn’t guarantee that they will be able to help you. But at least you would have done yourself a favour by being honest and open with yourself and your partner.

If you and your partner decide to break up, knowing why your long-distance relationship didn’t work will help you build healthier relationships in the future.

So, if you are having doubts about your relationship and want to make sure you do everything you can to make it work, here is just the right workbook for you.

This guide will take you step by step through every aspect of your long-distance relationship. In the process, you will identify the areas of your relationship that need some work.

You may discover a way to fix your relationship and enjoy being together.

You may also realise that it would be best for both of you if you end this relationship and move on. In this case, knowing what did not work will help both of you agree on why it is better to break up, so you can do it in a loving way with understanding and support for each other.

How to Let Go of a Long-Distance Relationship? 

Once you get used to having someone in your life, it can be hard to let them go. Some couples choose to stay together even if their long-distance relationship doesn’t work.

An unhealthy relationship brings a lot of suffering.

Some people make a unilateral decision to end a relationship. Then, they inform their partner about this decision. It isn’t a healthy way to break up as it guarantees one of you getting hurt. 

If your relationship doesn’t work, avoid making a unilateral decision to end it!

A better way is to share your doubts and concerns with your partner. It will allow your partner to recognise your doubts, address your concerns and help you fix your long-distance relationship.

After talking to your partner, you may discover that the time has come to end your relationship.

In this case, it’s perfectly fine to break up if both you and your partner decide that this is what’s best for both of you.

Before talking to your partner, reflect on your feelings, doubts and concerns so that you can share them clearly.

Once you get everything out in the open, you will have a better chance of making your long-distance relationship work, or you’ll be able to end it the right way.

If you decide that it’s time to let go of your long-distance relationship, here’s how you can do it the right way:

1. Reflect on how you feel about yourself and your relationship.
2. Identify the main issues in your long-distance relationship.
3. Share your feelings, doubts and concerns with your partner.
4. Together with your partner, you can try to fix your relationship, or you may decide to let it go.

If one of you wants to break up and another one does not, couples coaching can really help you get some clarity and understanding. You can book an introductory session here.

Conclusion

Today, we’ve covered the signs and the most common reasons for failed long-distance relationships. Now, you should have a better idea of when to end a long-distance relationship and when you should put in the effort to make it work.

In long-distance relationships, problems accumulate slowly over time. Rarely one moment has the power to break a healthy relationship that is based on trust and effective communication.

If you are attentive to what’s going on in your long-distance relationship, you can pick up when things start to go wrong. The earlier you can identify the problems, the better your chances to fix your long-distance relationship.

When you are struggling in your long-distance relationship, the first thing to do is to discuss these concerns with your partner.

The history you shared and the attachment you may have with your partner make it challenging to end your relationship.

But, try to avoid making unilateral decisions. Instead, talk to your partner about your thoughts and feelings, and together you can decide the best way forward for both of you.

If you still have feelings for each other, you can try to work things out. However, if your feelings fade, it’s probably time to move on.

When unresolved problems accumulate and slowly destroy the loving relationship you once had, you may consider ending things. If you find yourself in a relationship that doesn’t work, you can try to fix it or let it go.

Need help? Get in touch!

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