What to Do When a Long-Distance Relationship Gets Hard?

What to Do When a Long-Distance Relationship Gets Hard

A long-distance relationship can get hard when you are away from your romantic partner for a long time.

If you find yourself struggling and not knowing what to do when a long-distance relationship gets hard. Here are some things you can do to make it easier:

  1. Stop focusing on the things that you can’t do in your long-distance relationship.
  2. Recognise the benefits of being in a long-distance relationship.
  3. Spend the extra time you have doing the things you enjoy with people you love.
  4. Learn to communicate clearly and effectively with your long-distance partner.
  5. Make a plan for how you can maintain a healthy long-distance relationship.
  6. Agree on how long the long-distance will last.
  7. Set a timeline for regular visits and spontaneous romantic trips with your long-distance partner.

One of the reasons couples feel long-distance relationships are hard is because they try to have a romantic relationship with someone who isn’t there all the time. A few changes will help you enjoy your long-distance relationship, rather than struggle through it.

What Is a Long-Distance Relationship?

While long-distance relationships can be hard at times, they don’t have to be a constant struggle. To help you manage your long-distance relationship, it would help if you understand what a long-distance relationship is and what it isn’t.

A long-distance relationship is a romantic relationship where both partners are separated by geographical distance.

Being with a romantic partner implies you having regular physical intimacy. A lack of physical connection because of the distance makes a long-distance relationship so much hard. Once you know how to handle the distance in your relationship, you will be in the position to avoid most of the problems and resolve the issue you will face.

Here is our step by step guide to help you and your partner handle the distance in your relationship the right way.

While you can make your long-distance relationship work for a couple of months, any longer than that will strain your relationship and your life.

Sometimes couples persevere to be in a long-distance relationship for years. If a long-distance relationship works for them, that’s fine. But if you are finding that your long-distance relationship is hard and you are struggling through it, ask yourself if it’s worth it for you. Click here to learn about benefits and challenges of a long-distance relationship.

Relationships are supposed to be fun. You share your time and space with another person to help each other and love each other. Relationships are supposed to bring joy and contribute to your life in general.

If your relationship becomes a constant struggle, it’s worth taking the time to reassess why you are trying to maintain such a relationship.

A long-distance relationship isn’t a marathon. Many couples persevere through the struggle to make their long-distance relationship work. While you can most certainly maintain a long-distance relationship for a long time, it doesn’t make it a healthy or a successful relationship.

If you want to see how healthy your long-distance relationship really is, check out this workbook.

A long-distance relationship, like any other relationship, is a journey. As a journey, you should be enjoying every moment of this experience.

Of course, in a long-distance relationship, it’s hard to enjoy the times when you’re away from your romantic partner.

But with a little bit of understanding of the benefits, a long-distance relationship has, it will help you enjoy more and struggle less.

Why Are Long-Distance Relationships Hard?

You can easily see why long-distance relationships are hard. On the one hand, you are in a romantic relationship, but at the same time, your romantic partner isn’t there.

Romantic relationships involve physical intimacy. In a long-distance relationship, you can only have physical intimacy during your visits or trips together.

Difficulty to communicate clearly is another main reason why long-distance relationships can be hard. When you live together with your romantic partner, you see each other every day.

By the end of the day, you have an opportunity to catch up with the day’s events. You are also present to give comfort to each other and share intimate things like your thoughts and feelings about life and your relationship.

Communication in a long-distance relationship is limited to text messages, phone calls, and video calls. Doubts and insecurities are common in a long-distance relationship. But it’s very hard to do when your partner is miles away.

The one thing you can do is to learn how to communicate effectively in a long-distance relationship. Another thing is to wait until you see each other to discuss more meaningful, personal, and sensitive things about your relationship.

To learn more about effective communication and some common problems related to it, have a look at this article.

When Long-Distance Gets Hard? 

Long-distance relationships get hard when couples approach it as a regular relationship. In a typical romantic relationship, you live with your partner, and you can talk to each other, hug each other and be with each other as much as you like.

When you’re in a long-distance relationship, you don’t have the luxury of hugging and kissing your romantic partner every day. Depending on your situation, you may only see each other once every few weeks. This is not normal for a romantic relationship. 

When you are in a romantic relationship with someone, you expect physical intimacy. When you can’t get it because your partner is away, this expectation is unfulfilled, So you feel disappointed and sexually frustrated.

To help you address any intimacy issues you may have with your long-distance partner, take a look at this workbook.

You can make your long-distance relationship work well for a few months by having affective communication via online means and scheduling regular visits and trips together.

After a few months, you may start feeling deprived of physical closeness with your partner. The solution can be moving in together or visiting each other more often. Otherwise, the disappointment and frustration will penetrate other aspects of your life.

When you find yourself continually feeling deprived of physical closeness, this frustration, will strain your relationship and make your whole life more difficult.

What to Do When Long-Distance Gets Hard?

When your relationship gets hard, you have several options:

  1. You can figure out what exactly makes your long-distance relationship hard and find a way to fix it. 
  2. Another option is to have an open long-distance relationship where you can satisfy your need for physical intimacy with someone else while maintaining a relationship with your current partner. 
  3. Finally, if your long-distance relationship makes your life hard and you don’t see a way out, you can end your relationship.

Sometimes you love someone, but can’t find a way to make it work. In this case, consider talking to a relationship coach who can give you some pointers and personalised advice.

The first and the easiest thing you can is to reassess your relationship. This complete step by step will help you to do just that.

How Can You Make Long-Distance Easier

  • Frequent arguments can be due to a lack of clarity in your communication.
  • Recognise your feelings and emotions and share them with your partner.
  • If you need some space to reflect on yourself, take a week or so without communicating with your partner.
  • Visit each other frequently and regularly.

Frustrations about different things are pretty common in a long-distance relationship. Identifying the source of these frustrations gives you an opportunity to address them in a healthy way.

Frustrations lead to a variety of different emotions. When you are overwhelmed with emotions, it can be hard to communicate with your long-distance partner clearly.

What makes it even harder is the fact that your partner is probably going through the same experience. In such a case, both partners need love, care, and understanding. But, unless you feel fulfilled in these ways, it’s tough to hear the problems of your long-distance partner.

You can use the time without communication to reflect on your feelings and thoughts about your life and your relationship. Your partner would have the same opportunity to reflect on their experience and your relationship from their perspective.

After a week you probably regain a bit of clarity about your situation and your feelings, then you can talk about your discoveries with your long-distance partner. This way, you will be able to express your feelings and thoughts and take the time to hear your partners perspective as well.

If your hardship has to do with not seeing each other often enough, maybe you can try to visit each other more frequently.

Becoming aware of common problems long-distance couples face, will help you avoid some of them and address the other ones in a healthy way. Click here to learn more about them.

When Should You Give up on a Long-Distance Relationship? 

You should never give up on your long-distance relationship. The idea of giving up stems from the belief that you don’t have power or control over your circumstances. While it may seem that way, more often than not, people have a lot more power over their situation than they think.

If your long-distance relationship isn’t working, you don’t have to give up. It’s easy enough to take the time to reassess your relationship and talk about it with your partner. Together, you may decide to end your relationship, and if you do, that’s ok. It’s normal for a relationship to end if people involved are no longer enjoying it.

If you decide to end your long-distance relationship, click here to learn how you can do it in a healthy and loving way.

Some couples feel stuck in their predicament. They focus on everything they cannot change in their situation. When you spend all your energy concentrating on the things you can’t change, you miss all the things that are within your control.

For example, many couples spend a lot of time talking on the phone, even if they have nothing to talk about. Excessive communication takes away time from your life result in boring conversations. If you don’t do anything exciting with your life, you won’t have anything interesting to share with your long-distance partner.

In such a case, all you have to do is reduce the frequency or the length of your conversations. Spending less time on the phone talking about nothing will allow you to do something fun with your life.

Another common problem is couples moaning to each other about how much they miss each other and their wish to be together.

Constant moaning, while understandable, negatively impacts your well-being and makes your long-distance relationship even harder.

Instead of spending hours wishing you’d be together, try making a plan and timeline for when you can visit each other and possibly move in together.

Before making any big decisions, make sure to get things out in the open and talk about different aspects of your relationship. This workbook will help you with that.


If you are struggling in the long-distance relationship that is getting harder and harder every day, the best thing you can do is take a timeout. Take a week off from your long-distance relationship. 

Use this time to reassess your relationship and your personal life. Having some time away from a problematic situation can give you a different perspective on your relationship.

During this week, you and your long-distance partner can make a list of all the things that make your long-distance relationship hard. You can note your thoughts, feelings and ideas and share them the next time you talk.

Many couples feel stuck in their long-distance relationship surrounded by all the things that are out of their control. Having a different perspective on your relationship can shine a light on the areas you could quickly improve.

Take a look at this article to learn how you can make your long-distance relationship work by going through all aspects one by one.

Long-distance relationships can be challenging, but they don’t have to be as hard as they are for most couples. Some improvement in your communication can make all the difference to your wellbeing and the success of your relationship.

A clear plan will help you manage your long-distance relationship until you can move in together. A timeline will give you the reassurance that you are on the right track.

How Healthy Is Your Long-Distance Relationship?

If you are having doubts about your long-distance relationship and are not sure if you should try to fix it or let it go, here is our step by step guide to help you and your partner reassess your relationship and make an educated decision that works for both of you.

Relationship Coaching for Long-Distance Couples

Long-distance relationships are hard to maintain without knowing exactly what they involve.

However, once you understand what long-distance relationships are, what they are not and how to navigate them, you are a lot more likely to make it work.

We specialise in helping long-distance couples create and maintain a healthy relationship by building intimacy, trust and effective communication.

If you are starting a long-distance relationship or are already in one, send us a message to book an individual coaching session for yourself or a couples coaching session for you and your partner.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why is long-distance so hard for me?

Depending on your situation, a long-distance relationship can be hard for you because you want something that you believe you can’t have. It can be hard to be away from your romantic partner for a long time. It’s also easy to have confusion, and misunderstanding is if you don’t have clear and open communication.

How can I make my long-distance relationship easier?

You can make your long-distance relationship easier by improving your communication. You can also make a plan of how long the long distance will last and when you can potentially move in together.

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