Are you experiencing many challenges while living with your partner?
Living together can be fun and exciting in many ways. At the same time, minor disagreements can spiral out of control, bringing harmony to an end. Luckily, there are simple steps to manage your disagreements when living together. It takes good communication and caring for each other’s feelings, needs and values.
In this article, you will learn about the challenges couples face when living together. You will also know how to deal with these challenges to create a loving and harmonious environment. So, you can enjoy your relationship and for your relationship to flourish.
What Is Considered Living Together?
According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, living together means:
- To live with another person and have sex without being married
In this article, we refer to a couple living together as sharing their physical space while having physical and emotional intimacy.
Living with someone is very different from being in a relationship where you only see each other now and then. You have your personal space to yourself, and you have a lot of time to do things you enjoy. Living together can bring a change in the dynamic of your relationship.
After you’ve got to know your partner well enough and see how much you want to be together. Talking about moving in is a natural progression in your relationship. You can prepare for moving in and living together by talking about it and planning how to make it work.
The best thing to do is take your time and get to know each other. Let your relationship develop naturally. You will know if this is the right person and when is the right time to move in together. You don’t need to rush towards a serious relationship and live together.
First, make sure you got to know your partner well enough, their habits, likes, dislikes and how you get on when you are sharing your personal space. Then, you can consider living together.
Adjusting to Living Together
You should take time and take care when you transition from dating to living together. Living together changes not only the dynamic of the relationship but the state of mind of sharing space with someone and living in the new place.
The person moving, leaves behind their friends, family, work and their home. It can be tough to adjust to a new environment with new people, and sometimes a different culture.
The person who is moving will be relying to some extent on their partner for safety and guidance. In turn, for another partner, it can be a lot of responsibility to take care of another person in every aspect of their life. This may just be a short period of time, but you need to account for it.
All these things can work out just fine, but they can also create big issues. If you are to talk about living together before you move in together, you can discuss your habits and preferences.
Every person has individual preferences in the way they like to do things as well as their environment.
Effective communication throughout your relationship is the one thing that can keep your relationship healthy at every stage.
Before you move in together:
- Talk to your partner about things you like and don’t like
- Talk about things that are very important to you, and others you are more flexible about
- Ask your partner what do they like and don’t like
- Try to create a hypothetic environment where the two of you will be living together
- Discuss all things, however small they may seem
- If you come across things that might become an issue, write them down and spend more time thinking about how living together will work
How Living Together Changes a Relationship?
You might find that you get on well when you were dating and that you had a lot of fun travelling together. But living together brings a whole new dimension to a relationship.
When you live together, you share your space with another person. This is something you didn’t have to do while dating. If you are serious about your relationship, living together is a natural step towards developing your romantic relationship.
If you prepare for your life together, you can significantly increase your chances of your relationship working out. However, if you jump into it or rush into moving in together, it could be quite a difficult transition. Moving in together, unprepared could ruin your relationship.
Living together can ruin the relationship you’ve built so far if you can adapt to the new dynamic in your life and your relationship.
For example, some people may like to keep things tidy and organised, while others are quite happy to leave the mess. When you talk about your preferences to your partner before moving in together, these things seem trivial. Then, things don’t appear to be a big problem, and it’s easier to talk about them.
When you start living together, every little preference that you or your partner have can be important to you. And if you don’t find a way for everyone to have things that are important to them, it may result in conflict.
Rules for Living Together
When you move in, you are probably quite excited to finally live together. But, living together has its challenges. You may struggle to live with your partner and adapt to the dynamic you both create or you may not like your new environment.
In a relationship is very important to express what you like and don’t like. As well as discussing it with your partner to establish some healthy boundaries.
Suppressing your feelings instead of sharing them with your partner will leave you feeling frustrated. After some time, you will be unhappy, and it can ruin your relationship.
Living together is a decision to spend your time and space with your partner. You may have some expectations out of the relationship and from your partner. It is crucial that both of you are clear on what you want, expect and set some boundaries in your relationship.
5 Rules to Make Your Relationship Work When Living Together
- Set relationship goals
- Work on your communication, learn to communicate effectively
- Spend quality time together where you can share your feelings, thoughts and ideas
- Keep your relationship fun and exciting
- Express gratitude and appreciation to your partner
Here are some practical tips to keep in mind:
- Discuss your finances and how it will work when you are living together
- Agree on the house chores, who does what and when
- Be clear on what you both expect from the relationship
- Talk about having children or not
Pros and Cons of Living Together
Pros of Living together
- Have someone to share your life with
- Feeling loved and cared for
- Sharing financial responsibilities
- Deepening your emotional connection
- You will develop a more meaningful bond
- Being together all the time
- Having the opportunity to know each other better
- Having the possibility to create your environment in the way you like it as a team
Cons of Living Together
- Less personal space
- Less time to dedicate to your hobbies and interests
- Having to consider another person to make your decisions
- Less freedom
- Family or social circle may disapprove if marriage is important for them
- There may be some legal limitations. Check what legal restrictions you have as an unmarried couple as your and your partner’s rights may no be legally secured.
Problems When Living Together
Many issues can come up when you are living together. If you are able to address and resolve them. Then, your relationship will continue growing. However, unresolved problems will accumulate, and the longer they are unaddressed, the more damaging they are for your relationship.
Here are some common problems couples face when living together:
- Your relationship turn boring
- Losing interest in your partner or your relationship
- Drifting apart and fading feelings
- Miscommunication, fights and arguments
- Physical and emotional intimacy issues
- Lack of physical intimacy
- Sexual frustration because of the lack of physical intimacy
- Money issues
- Lack of personal space
- Trust issues
Living Together and Being Apart
Living together but not sharing your space while in a relationship is unhealthy. There may be circumstances where you decided to separate but it is not practically possible to do it straight away. In those cases, move out as soon as you can. In the meantime, keep a harmonious and respectful relationship with your partner.
Breaking up When Living Together
When you live together, constant arguments and unresolved problems can make your coexisting unbearable.
Tell your partner how you feel and what is working for you and what isn’t. It might just happen that you and your partner may be able to fix the problems that are bothering you, or they may agree with you that it’s time to break up.
As long as you decide to break up together nobody gets hurt. You may, of course, feel sadness for a while, but there are also healthy ways to manage that.
Consider this when breaking up:
- Avoid making a unilateral decision
- Talk to your partner
- Share your feelings and doubts
- Discuss things that bother you
- Express clearly what isn’t working for you and your relationship
- Give your partner a chance to express how they feel and what they think
- Take time to hear each other out and understand each other’s point of view.
Finally, and most importantly, if you decide to break up, make this decision together. You started a relationship together, so it’s only fair that both of you decide to end it.
There is a clear line between ending your relationship the right way and the wrong way. Most people do it the wrong way by deciding to break up unilaterally and then informing their partner about it.
These people spend most of their energy figuring a way out to inform their partner about their decision. Naturally, it’s a very unpleasant and painful process.
A better way to handle a breakup is by taking a step back from your final decision. Instead, express your thoughts, feelings, doubts, and concerns to your partner.
Once you tried everything you could to improve your relationship. But, it is not working and there is no more willingness from neither of you to make it work. Then, it’s time to seriously consider breaking up.
Help and Advice for Relationships Living Together
- When you feel unhappy in your relationship, acknowledge your feelings about it
- Share your thoughts, feelings, doubts and concerns before they become an issue
- Take the time to reflect on your circumstances and the dynamic between you and your partner
- Take the time to hear each other out and understand your points of view
- Appreciate and be grateful to each other
If you don’t know how to improve your relationship when living together and need professional help and advice, we’ll be happy to help! Check out our coaching options here.
Living together is a big step in a serious relationship where you see your future together.
Sharing your personal space will expose the subtleties of your characters. Living together is an opportunity for you to learn about yourself just as much as about your partner.
To live together in harmony, you need to consider yourselves and each other. As well as being able to face the problems together while finding the solutions that work for both of you without having to sacrifice anyone’s needs.
During the time you live together, you will find whether you are in deep compatible to build a healthy relationship and possibly a family.
You may also discover that you have strong romantic feelings for each other. But, living together creates conflicts that you don’t know how to handle. In this case, you have two options, either find a way to make it work or go back to living separately and reassess your relationship.
Frequently Asked Questions
Does living together ruin relationships?
Living together can ruin your relationship if you are not prepared for it. Although, it doesn’t take much to have a loving and harmonious relationship. The things we discussed in this article are crucial to making or breaking your relationship.
Why living together is a bad idea?
Living together is a natural step in developing your relationship while building intimacy and trust. However, if you are not ready for this step, you will soon find yourself in a relationship that is not working and start having issues.
Can living together save a relationship?
Living together can save a relationship if the problem stems from living apart. An example of this is a long-distance relationship where couples want to be together but for some reason live apart. Such a relationship is only healthy for a short while, and it can end unless partners find a way to live together.
Is living together a good idea?
Living together can be a good idea if both of you are ready to take that step and are willing to work on your communication. As well as to find a way to consider each other without compromising your values and needs.
What is a living together agreement?
A living together agreement is a document that an unmarried couple does to estate what is to happen if they split up in regards to property, finances, debts, inheritance before they are together. As well as with the assets they acquire when they are together such as property, expenses, bills, housing, pets, children, etc. To make a living together agreement go to a legal advisor in your region.