You may find yourself in a relationship where trust is an issue. But, What is trust, really?
In a relationship, trust is an essential part of a healthy relationship. Fundamentally, trust is it’s the chance you take in believing that what someone is saying or doing is true. The lack of trust can give rise to worries and doubts that can manifest as an unhealthy behaviour. After a while, a relationship without trust can become toxic and break your relationship.
In this article, you will learn more about what is trust, common trust issues couples face and how you can deal with the lack of trust in your relationship.
What Are Trust Issues in a Relationship?
First, let’s have a look at what trust means.
Here’s the definition of trust according to the Merriam-webster dictionary:
1: belief that someone or something is reliable, good, honest, effective, etc.
Now, let’s get a clearer idea of what distrust and mistrust mean:
The meaning of distrust:
1: the lack or absence of trust
2: to have no trust or confidence in
The meaning of mistrust:
1: a lack of confidence : DISTRUST
: to have no trust or confidence in : SUSPECT
2: to doubt the truth, validity, or effectiveness of
3: SURMISE (a thought or idea based on scanty evidence)
: to be suspicious
Trust issues happen when you no longer believe on what your partner is saying or doing as true. If you are constantly doubting your partner, it means you cannot longer rely on them. In a serious relationship your lives are closely intertwined, that’s why your ability to rely on your partner is important.
As you plan your lives together, you need to know that the effort and energy you put into the relationship is worth your while. When you don’t trust your partner you are essentially questioning if this relationship is worth your time. As a result you are doubting their commitment, and questioning the commitment of your own.
What Causes Trust Issues in a Relationship?
The main causes of trust issues in a relationship are personal insecurities and your partner’s behaviour.
1. Personal insecurities.
They can give rise to constant doubts about yourself, your partner and your relationship, regardless of what is actually going on.
2. Your partner’s behaviour.
This can give you a reason for concern, which you need to address right away. It will help you get more clarity as to your partner’s intention, so you don’t need to keep guessing and assuming what their intentions are.
How Trust Issues Affect a Relationship?
Whatever the reasons you may have for not trusting your partner is best to address them as soon as you can. Otherwise, they will become a driver for an unhealthy behaviour that creates more problems that could be avoided.
A lack of trust can lead to:
- Needy and controlling behaviour.
The person on the receiving side of such behaviour may see it as an invasion of their personal space and may start acting defensively.
There are signs which can help you identify trust issues in your relationship. We’ll talk about them in a minute.
How Distrust Destroys Relationships
Distrust is a lack of trust. By default you either trust someone until they compromise this trust or give you a reason not to trust them. Alternatively, you may begin a relationship not trusting your partner until they build the trust over time.
Identifying which of these applies to you can give you an insight as to how you approach relationships in your life. Knowing this will help you navigate your relationship better from the very beginning.
Cheating in a Relationship
Cheating can be an example of an objective behaviour that can compromise trust and destroy a relationship.
Cheating has two components:
- Being romantically involved with someone outside of your relationship
- Lying about it
These are two separate issues that need to be addressed separately.
If either, you or your partner, has compromised the trust by cheating or otherwise. This will jeopardise your whole relationship. Once the trust is broken, it’s tough to regain it. When we trust another person, we are taking a chance that what they say is what they do.
The moment you know that your partner has lied to you, it can be challenging for you to trust them again. And if you cannot trust your partner, the best thing might be to end your relationship altogether.
Common Trust Issues in a Relationship
Here are some common trust issues in a relationship:
- Personal trust issues
- You not trusting your partner
- You don’t believe what your partner says or does
- You doubt your partner’s intention
- You may want to know what they do and who they are with at all times
- You may want to check their messages, social media or listen to their phone calls
- You not trusting this relationship is going to work
- You don’t believe a relationship will work due to past experiences
- Your partner’s personal trust issues
- Your partner not trusting you
- Your partner not trusting this relationship is going to work
Signs of Trust Issues in a Relationship
Trust in a relationship becomes an issue when:
- You are preoccupied continuously about what your partner is up to.
- Either you or your partner doesn’t feel free to express yourselves to each other openly.
- Distrust can breed other negative emotions like anger, frustration and disappointment, which can slowly destroy your relationship.
Stress, anxiety and depression can be a sign of other issues, either personal or relationship related.
What to Do when There Are Trust Issues in a Relationship
If you have had uncertainties about your partner or your relationship for a while, it’s never too late to bring them out. It would help if you realised that doubts and apprehensions are normal in a relationship. They are nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. You have every right to have questions and doubts about any number of things.
With that in mind, if something is bothering, you need to get it out in the open. Tell your partner the things that bother you. If you had bottled them up, tell them that you’ve been holding off on sharing them because you felt insecure and uncomfortable. It’s ok to say it.
After you shared your doubts with your partner, they can reassure you that these doubts have no ground. Your partner may also tell you that your suspicions have reason and that there are problems concerning your relationship.
When you know that your relationship has some issues, you have the power to work them out together with your partner.
How to Bring up Trust Issues in a Relationship
To bring up the issues you need to be comfortable expressing yourself. Don’t be afraid to bring up your thought and feelings. Discuss your doubts and concerns without holding back.
As long as two of you can be honest with each other, you can face any issues together. You can use effective communication to share your feelings and needs as you go through your relationship.
How to Fix Trust Issues in a Relationship
First of all you need to:
- Recognise who has trust issues
- Identify if these trust issues are based on something objective or if they are born out of insecurities
- Talk to your partner about the cause of these trust issues and see how they affect your relationship. Then, you can see if both of you are willing to work them out.
- If you find it difficult to deal with trust issues in your relationship, get in touch for some help.
1. Recognise who has trust issues in your relationship
For example, if you are not trusting your partner, you have to tell them about it. Your mistrust may or may not have anything to do with reality. You might have doubts because of your insecurities. You may also have suspicions because your partner is acting differently.
2. Identify the causes for the mistrust
Whether your partner is lying to you or you are lying to them isn’t as crucial as your awareness of it. Nobody is perfect, and there are situations when neither you nor your partner lie. If you want to fix your trust issues, you should come out clean as soon as possible.
3. Talk to your partner
Express your doubts to your partner. In response, they can reassure you that there is no need for you to doubt them or confirm your suspicions.
Knowing that you can trust each other will allow you to build a healthy relationship. Knowing that you can’t trust each other gives you the power to do something about it.
4. Try to fix your trust issues with your partner.
If you struggle to find a way to deal with your trust issues in your relationship, get in touch and we will help you.
How to Overcome Trust Issues in a Relationship
The way to address trust issues in your relationship is to identify your concerns and your reasons behind them. Depending on whether these trust issues are caused by personal insecurities or your partner’s behaviour. You will have to take a different approach to address these issues.
While it is your responsibility to sort out your personal insecurities. The dynamic of your relationship is responsibility of both of you. If you are to get professional help, the causes of your trust issues will also determine whether you will need personal coaching or couples coaching.
Ending a Relationship Because of Trust Issues
As long as there are things that had been felt but remain unsaid, your relationship won’t be healthy and will deteriorate with time.
For example, If you told a lie to your partner and then you told them the truth, then it’s up to them whether they can accept it or not. They may understand you and your reasons for lying. In the end, your partner may carry on a relationship with you, or they may think that it’s better to end it.
Sometimes it’s better to end your relationship than having a relationship with lies.
Keep in mind that there is no hard and fast rule for managing trust issues. Every relationship is different and has unique situations and problems. If you have any doubts about the trust in your relationship, get in touch with a relationship coach who can help you to find a way and resolve these issues.
It’s normal to have doubts. However, unaddressed doubts can slowly but surely destroy your relationship. When you experience doubts and trust issues in your relationship is best to deal with them as soon as possible.
By sharing things that bother you with your partner. You are welcoming your partners help to reassure you or to help you resolve the issues that may go unnoticed in your relationship.
Communication plays a great role in bringing up any trust issues you may have, talking about them and finding a solution.
Avoid ignoring any trust issues you may have. If you are having trust issues express them openly and as fully as you can. If your partner is the one that is having trust issues, take the time to hear and understand their point of view and where they are coming from.
The moment you share your doubts with your partner, they come out and no longer have the power over your relationship.
Trust issues themselves are the sign of a more fundamental problem which is the lack of trust. Therefore, solving trust issues involves addressing the reason for the lack of trust in your relationship.
Help and Advice with Trust Issues in Your Relationship
Tips to Deal with Trust Issues in Your Relationship
- The best way to deal with trust issues is to be open and honest about the things that bother you.
- Express your doubts and insecurities to your partner openly. Once you put them out in the open, they have less control over your behaviour.
- Reflect on your own behaviour to see if your partner is doing something questionable or if you are the one sabotaging your own relationship.
- Address what is causing the lack of trust in your relationship
If you don’t know how to deal with trust issues your relationship and you need professional help and advice, get in touch and we’ll be happy to help!
Frequently Asked Questions
Can you love someone and not trust them?
You can have romantic feelings for someone without trusting them. What you cannot do is to have a healthy relationship without trust.
Does anxiety cause trust issues?
Unresolved trust issues can cause stress and anxiety.
Why do I feel like I can’t trust anyone?
It could be caused by your personal insecurities from your upbringing and/or past experiences.
How do you know you can trust your partner?
Trust is a chance you take in believing that what your partner does or says is true. So, you can choose to trust them until they give you a reason not to.
Can trust issues ruin a relationship?
Yes, unresolved trust issues can lead to further problems and result in a toxic relationship or a break up.
How to avoid trust issues in a relationship?
The only way to avoid trust issues in your relationship is, to be honest with each other. It could break your relationship, or it could make it stronger.
Is it normal to have trust issues in a relationship?
While some couples have trust issues they are a sign of an unhealthy relationship. Trust issues need to be addressed and fixed straightaway. If this isn’t possible, it may be best to end the relationship altogether.