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Are you trying to move on after a breakup?
After a break up it is a good idea to take some time before starting a new relationship. You can use this time to reflect on your past relationships and if possible get some feedback from your ex-partner. In doing so, you get a chance to learn what worked and what didn’t and identify the mistakes you made previously. So, you can avoid them in the future and build a heathy relationship from the beginning. It also helps to remind yourself of your life goals and ambitions to see how a new relationship can fit in with them.
In this article, we will look at different areas to think about after a breakup.
Reasons for a Breakup
Couples break up for various reasons. It’s usually not the one of cause that would break a relationship, but the accumulation of things that are not addressed at the right time.
Here are some of the main reasons why a relationship deteriorates and may cause a breakup:
- Poor communication
- Unresolved problems
- Lack of emotional connection
- Lack of physical intimacy
- Lack of trust
- Not having common relationship goals
Other reasons why couples decide to break up:
- Money issues
- Wanting to be with someone else
- Different sex drives
- Being unsatisfied with other areas of life
- Feeling unfulfilled by this relationship
- Wanting to pursue one’s career development
- Uncertainty, doubts and no direction in the relationship
- Unrealistic expectations
- Inability to adapt to change after having a baby, a miscarriage, moving in together, living together
Can a Relationship Work After a Breakup?
It is possible for a relationship to work after a breakup, if you and your partner are prepared to make an effort to solve the issues that caused the breakup in the first place.
To give your relationship a second chance, you should:
- Be totally willing and committed to do everything you can to make it work
- Identify the problems in your relationship
- Be open to listen and learn from each other
- Be clear on the things you like and don’t like about the relationship and each other’s behaviour
- Learning to communicate effectively and in a loving way
- Have an idea of how you are going to implement changes in your relationship. So, you don’t end up going back to the same situation that caused the break up in the first place
- Consider getting professional help from a relationship coach if you are unsure on how to approach your situation
How to Fix a Relationship After a Breakup
You and your partner need to be aware the reasons for you to get back together. Sometimes, we struggle to let go of a relationship, even if it’s not good for us. So, if you want to get back together, it should be for the right reasons.
If you and your ex-partner really want to give another go to your relationship. There are some things you should do before getting back together.
To make it work this time around, you both need to be fully committed and willing to work on the issues that caused the breakup in the first place.
Depending on the reasons why you or your partner broke up:
- Reflect on your relationship individually
- Talk about it, allow time for each of you to express yourselves clearly and honesty, without blaming each other
- Identify the problems you had
- Find solutions solutions to your problems that work for both of you
- Be open to look for professional help if you and your partner alone don’t seem to be making progress
Having a relationship coach to help you through this process is one of the best options. You can try to do it by yourselves, but it can be quite challenging to use the right language. A language that your partner can perceive without feeling blamed or turning defensive.
So, working on your communication would be the most important thing to do. Before you even get to really discuss with your partner the possibility of getting back together.
Getting over a Breakup
A break up creates a void in your life. Many people rush into creating the next relationship to fail like last one. But having this void gives you space to think and process the things that worked and things that didn’t.
You can discover things about you that you wouldn’t have known before. Going through this process helps you grow as a person and recognise the things you like and the ones you don’t.
After you’ve taken some time to reflect on your past relationship relationship. You will be emotionally and intellectually prepared to create a more loving relationship with someone else.
If you don’t take the time needed for you to process all the emotions you feel, you are likely to end up with the same problems, just with a different person. If you don’t learn from your mistakes, you will keep repeating them.
Even though, it may seem counterintuitive and frustrating. That is the reason why people attract the same type of partners with the same kind of problems.
How to Get Over a Breakup in a Relationship?
Getting over a relationship breakup can be a challenging period for anyone. Regardless of whether it’s a mutual breakup or if it was a unilateral decision, it’s very likely you will still have a certain degree of sadness.
When you create a relationship, you invite another person to share your life with you, at least for some time. When this person is no longer part of your life, it’s natural to have such an emptiness for a short while.
If your relationship was exciting, you need to find another way to bring fun into your life after you break up. Even if your relationship was a struggle, you might feel that it will take some time to adapt to this change. However, on this occasion, you will also feel relief.
Here are some things to get you started on your getting over journey:
- Talk to a friend, family, or therapist to express how you feel
- Reflect on the reasons your past relationship didn’t work out
- Recognise your responsibility on the failure of that relationship
- Find ways to improve those behaviours that contribute to the break up of your relationship
- Focus on yourself. Re-discover yourself and the things you enjoy
- Surround yourself by friends and family for support
- Take enough time for yourself before engaging Into a new relationship
- Take care of yourself and make yourself a priority
When Should You Start a New Relationship After a Breakup
Having a new relationship after a breakup can be nerve racking. You will probably feel fearful, anxious and cautious about starting a new relationship.
Particularly, if you have gone through an emotional turmoil during your relationship and throughout the breakup. There are many feelings and emotions you should process before embarking into a new relationship.
After a breakup is important that you allow sometime for yourself. You can use this time to reflect on your previous relationship, to understand the reasons it didn’t work out. It’s not for you to regret or feel guilty. But, to learn what was your contribution to that relationship, both good and bad.
Only by learning how your behaviour affected your relationship and contributed to the breakup. Then you can work on that area and improve it. So, you don’t end up repeating the same patterns of behaviour which will lead to a new relationship to fail for the same reasons as your previous one.
There is not a set amount of time for you to start a new relationship after a breakup. So, once you feel ready, you can start opening up to a new relationship. You can recognise being ready as:
- You allowed yourself to feel all the emotions that came as a result of the breakup such as fear, anger, frustration, sadness, disappointment, etc.
- You recognise your role in the relationship and the things you did that didn’t contribute to having a healthy relationship.
- You allowed enough time to be with yourself, to be comfortable with being alone.
- You are looking after yourself and making yourself a priority.
- You are working on the behaviours that did not help having a healthy relationship.
- You are enjoying your life and the things you do.
- You have a good circle of friends and family for support.
Moving on after a breakup can be challenging, particularly, if you spent a significant amount of time together.
Apart from the obvious emotional roller coaster, there are a few practical things you need to consider. As you have spent a lot of time together, you may have shared your accommodation, had financial arrangements, made friends together, as well as participating in the same (each other’s) social circles.
Your breakup directly affects these aspects of your life. Ideally, you could separate in good terms so that you can make the practical arrangements and emotionally support each other in moving forward.
Keeping an open line of communication can also allow you to get the feedback from your partner when it’s time for you to reflect in your relationship.
Consider a relationship break up to help you process your breakup and create a plan going forward.
Help and Advice Dealing with a Breakup
Tips to Deal with a Breakup
- Understand the reasons for your breakup
- Recognise the role you played for your relationship not to work out
- Work on yourself and your communication
- Learn to enjoy your own company
- Go to new places and try new hobbies
- Take care of yourself
- Surround yourself with good friends and family for support
- Consider having a relationship coach to help you process your emotions and make this breakup recovery journey a lot easier.
If you don’t know how to deal with a relationship break up and need professional help and advice, we’ll be happy to help! Check out our coaching options here.
Frequently Asked Questions
How to continue a relationship after a break?
After a breakup, you can still maintain a relationship by supporting each other in whichever way you feel comfortable. This is possible to do, provided you ended your relationship amicably with an understanding that it is the best thing for both of you.
Why relationship break up?
Amongst many reasons the common ones include:
Lack of understanding
Drifting apart emotionally
Do broken up couples get back together?
Some couples do get back together after a breakup. It all depends on the reasons why they broke up in the first place and if these reasons have been addressed.
How to move on in a relationship after a breakup?
After a breakup you no longer have a relationship. At least not in the sense of being romantically involved. So, this period of your life revolves around your personal reflections on what is important for you and what you want from life and a romantic relationship.
Is a relationship ever the same after a breakup?
After a breakup you can still remain friends, talk to each other and help each other out. This is possible when you still have a great degree of understanding and enjoy being together, just not romantically.
Is it bad to rush into a relationship after a breakup?
It is a good idea to take sometime after a breakup to reflect on your past relationship and your personal life. In doing so, you can reevaluate your priorities in life and make a plan to focus on your goals and ambitions.
Should you date someone who just broke up?
The same idea that you wouldn’t want to rush into a new relationship after a breakup. It is probably the best for the other person to have some time for themselves to process their breakup.
What should I do immediately after a breakup?
After a breakup you should focus on yourself, reflect on your past relationship and make a plan for the future.
Why you shouldn’t date right after a breakup?
Without giving yourself some time after a breakup and learning form your past relationship. You are risking in repeating the same mistakes and inviting the same problems into your new relationship.
What to do after a breakup of a long-term relationship?
When you break up after a long-term relationship, you have a lot more practical aspects to consider. They include finances, accommodation, pets, children, relationship with your friends and family. For this, it helps to separate on good terms and keep an open line of communication so that you can address all the practical aspects of your lives. In doing so, you can avoid a lot of suffering every time you’d need to get in touch with your ex for one reason or the other.