Why Relationships Don’t Work Out

Why Relationships Don’t Work Out

Are you in a relationship that doesn’t seem to be working out?

Relationships don’t work out for two main reasons: lack of feelings and bad communication. The lack of feelings lead to an emotional disconnection and bad communication. Which in turn results in unresolved problems and arguments. If you find yourself in such predicament identify what exactly isn’t working in your relationship. Knowing this, you can either try to fix it or let it go.

In this article, you will learn what it takes to make a relationship work. You will also learn the signs that your relationship isn’t working out and what you can do if this happens.

Main Reasons Relationships Don’t Work out?

Generally speaking there are two reasons why relationships don’t work out. One reason is that partners no longer have romantic feelings for each other.

For example, this can be caused by physical distance like in a long distance relationship or too much time together, where the lack of personal space becomes a problem. There are a few other reasons why romantic feelings tend to fade away, which we will discuss later on.

Another main reason why relationships don’t work out is because partners don’t know how to communicate in order to maintain emotional connection. So, they cannot solve the problems and challenges they face throughout their relationship.

Effective communication, on one side, involves the ability to express your feelings, thoughts, ideas, doubts and concerns clearly and openly to your partner. On the other side, effective communication involves the ability to hear the other person and understand their point of view, their feelings, and their needs.

When people start their relationship, they are excited about being together, enjoying their time, doing fun things and talking about different topics. So, what happens during their relationship that these same people who once would go along way to be together are now struggling to maintain basic connection?

To answer the question we need to understand what it takes to make a relationship work.

Signs Your Relationship Is not Working out

Here are some signs that your relationship is not working out and then we will look at red flags.

  • Constant arguments and fights
  • Lack of physical intimacy
  • Lack of emotional intimacy
  • Bad communication
  • Withdrawn from each other
  • No longer making plans together
  • Defensiveness
  • Lack of trust
  • Not spending time together
  • Your physical or emotional needs are not met
  • Lying
  • Neediness
  • Boredom
  • No direction in your relationship
  • Feeling you can’t be yourself with your partner
  • Feeling constantly tense around your partner, like on eggshells

Signs Your Relationship Is Over

  • Neither of you is willing to make an effort to fix your relationship
  • You or your partner prefer to be away from each other
  • You can’t let go of the resentment towards your partner
  • You can’t have a conversation without ending in an argument
  • You blame each other at every opportunity
  • You see each other as an enemy
  • You have lots of negative emotions towards your partner
  • Either you or your partner doesn’t have romantic feelings for each other
  • You have different life goals
  • You have different relationship goals

Fear of Relationships not Working out

When you are afraid of your relationship not working out, try to understand if your fears have ground or if they come from your insecurities and doubts.

In other words, can you see an objective behaviour from your partner or from yourself that has the potential to compromise your relationship?

If you can pinpoint the things your partner says or does. Then it would be good to talk to your partner about them, expressing how you perceive their behaviour. You need to find out if what they mean and intend by doing something. Basically, you need to know whether your perception of their intentions is correct. It helps to do this because it’s easy to misinterpret another persons intentions and draw conclusions on false premises.

You should consider that your personal insecurities may contribute to interpreting another’s persons behaviour as something negative that can threatened your relationship.

What to Do when Your Relationship Is not Working?

In a relationship, it takes a lot of understanding and flexibility to agree when you have different opinions and find a way to compromise without sacrificing.

Everyone wants to have a harmonious relationship. However, most people don’t realise that harmony is something that you create rather than expect. In other words, if you want to have a healthy, happy, and harmonious relationship there are things you need to be aware of.

One of these aspects is, of course, a constant improvement of your communication.

How to Deal with a Relationship that Is not Working out?

  • Identify what isn’t working for you in the relationship
  • Identify what isn’t working for your partner in this relationship
  • Express your thoughts, feelings and emotions
  • Listen to your partner
  • Establish healthy boundaries
  • Both of you should work on your personal development
  • Learn effective communication
  • Spend some time together to reconnect
  • Build physical and emotional intimacy
  • Be grateful and recognise how your partner contributes to your life

What to Do when Things Are not Working out in Your Relationship?

  • Take some time apart
  • Work on your communication
  • Work on yourself, your personal interests and hobbies
  • Open up emotionally to your partner
  • Be more spontaneous
  • Re-discover how to enjoy each other’s company

How to Work Out Your Relationship

When you met your partner in the beginning of your relationship, you were excited to be together, to share your thoughts, feelings, and your history.

You were also eager to learn as much as you could about them. Then, as the time went by, you started to have a belief that you know all there is to know about your partner. At this point, you stop trying to learn about them.

You might be right that you know their history, their previous relationships, and their life goals and ambitions. However, when it comes to feelings, they change all the time. When it comes to preferences they also depend on their current circumstances, and feelings. These are situation dependent and vary significantly day to day.

To make a relationship work, you need to constantly maintain emotional connection. How do you do that? Well, to maintain an emotional connection you need to know the emotional state of your partner at the given time. Your partner also needs to know how you are feeling at the time.

This awareness of each other’s feelings can help you feel cared for. The ability to communicate through expressing yourselves and hearing each other out can help you feeling understood.

Connection and understanding are the two fundamental cornerstones for a healthy relationship. Without either of these you will end up having arguments, misunderstandings and fights. This in turn leaves you feeling hurt, misunderstood and alone. Such a dynamic inevitably leads to an unhealthy relationship. Over time this relationship turns toxic, and this isn’t good for anyone.

Ending a Relationship that Is not Working Out

Before ending a relationship you want to make sure you did everything you can to make it work. This way, if you choose to move on you will know the specific reasons why your relationship didn’t work out. You can take this knowledge and apply it to your future relationship. So, you can make healthier and more educated decisions with your future partners.

So, how do you know you’ve done everything you could to make your relationship work?

Once you have expressed your feelings and concerns to your partner, and they took the time to understand you and manage to express themselves. Then, you can both decide if you both are prepared to make the effort to work out the issues in your relationship or if it’s time to let it go.


The first step, is to get your feelings and concern out in the open. Express your feelings and your point of view to your partner to help them understand where are you coming from. Take time to listen to your partner and learn their point view. Really try to understand how they see you and this relationship.

As long as you can maintain emotional balance. You can objectively approach the problems in your relationships to see if there’s anything you can do to fix them. So, if you feel your relationship isn’t working out is an indication that it cannot longer continue the way it is. This means that is time for you to do all you can to make it work, provided that both of you want to spend time and effort towards resolution. Or both of you may choose to end your relationship.

Whatever you decide try to make your decision based on facts and preferences rather than on emotional impulse. It will bring you more awareness on what it takes to make a relationship work and save you from unnecessary regrets/

Help and Advice with a Relationship that is Falling Apart

Tips to Deal with a Relationship that Is Falling Apart

  • Don’t ignore the problems in your relationship
  • Recognise the behaviour that does’t serve your relationship
  • Work on your communication
  • Set healthy boundaries
  • Maintain your physical and emotional intimacy
  • Be honest
  • Be understanding with your partner
  • Reassess your sexual drives compatibility
  • Hear each other’s perspective
  • Learn how you are contributing to your relationship

If you don’t know how to deal with your relationship not working out, consider professional help. Check out our coaching options here and we’ll be happy to help!

Frequently Asked Questions

How to overcome fear of relationships?

First, you need to understand the source of this fear. Is it based on past experiences, personal insecurities or destructive patterns or beliefs? Only once you know this, you can start looking for solutions.

How to tell if a relationship is not working?

It will no longer feel like a relationship. Instead of enjoying each other’s company and do fun things together. You may start avoiding each other and having more arguments than pleasant and interesting conversations.

Why is my relationship not working out?

It may be that you or your partner have lost interest in this relationship and drifted apart. Another reason for a relationship not working out is bad communication. When you have many arguments and you struggle to find solutions to your problems, as a result you end up feeling disconnected from your partner.

How do you let go of a relationship that is not working out?

First, it’s worth trying to identify why your relationship isn’t working out. You can try to address your relationship issues with your partner. If you are not able to find an amicable way to stay together, then your only other option is to end your relationship. If you choose the latter, you can still end your relationship on good terms.

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