Ending a Relationship

Are you considering ending your relationship and need some help deciding what would be the best way to do it or if you should end it all?

When your relationship is no longer working, it might be worth figuring out why. Once you identify the problems, you can talk to your partner to see if there’s a way for both of you to solve them. If there is, you might just save your relationship. However, if you can’t see a way forward, it might be time for you to end this relationship and move on.

In this article, you will learn the signs that your relationship is coming to an end. You will understand the reasons for ending it, decide if you should end it and how you can end your relationship.

Reasons for Ending a Relationship

Ending a Relationship Because It Isn’t Working

You may have your reasons why you want to end your relationship. These reasons include your feelings, doubts, concerns, and circumstances.

Here are some reasons why relationships end:

• Poor, limited or one-sided communication
• A lack of physical and emotional connection
• Losing interest in your partner and your relationship
• No longer having a good time together
• Your relationship starts bringing you more suffering than joy
• Drifting apart
• Feelings fading away
• Not having a plan for your future together
• Your relationship became boring
• Not getting along anymore
• Not feeling understood and appreciated
• You cannot fix the problems even after talking about them
• Trust became compromised e.g. because of cheating
  

Ending a Relationship for Personal Reasons

• Ending a relationship to find yourself
• Ending a relationship to travel
• Ending a relationship to work on yourself
• Ending a relationship to focus on yourself

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Why Is Ending a Relationship so Hard?

The longer your relationship lasts, the harder it is to end it. There are emotional and practical reasons why, it can be difficult to let go of a person with whom you spend significant amount of time.

From an emotional perspective, you inevitably have attachments to your partner. You got used to having another person with you no matter what was going on with the rest of your life.

When the relationship ends, you no longer have someone to come home to and share the experiences you’ve had throughout the day.

From a practical point of view, you have learnt to rely on each other and share many aspects of your life: social, financial, etc.

This aspects are going to be inevitably affected once you end your relationship. That is why, it’s better to maintain communication so you can support each other emotionally, if possible. And help each other to sort out practical aspects of your life.

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Signs Your Relationship Is Ending

You may still be in love with your partner. At the same time, you can help but to notice changes in your partner’s behaviour and the dynamic of your relationship. Changes that are affecting you and which you perceive negatively.

Here are common signs that your relationship is ending:

• Lack of communication and connection
• Lack of interest
• Lack of fun and excitement
• Your partner spends less time with you
• Your partner cancels plans to go out together in repeated occasions
• You are not sharing your feelings
• You are not discussing things that are important for you and your relationship
• You avoid meaningful conversations
• You argue most of the time
• Unresolved problems are piling up
• You feel anxious and on eggshells when you are with your partner

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How to Deal with a Relationship Ending?

When you feel that your relationship is ending, you can make an effort to find the reasons why and try to address them.

Here are some things you can do to help you find some understanding before ending your relationship:

1. Identify how your feelings have changed throughout your relationship.
2. Ask yourself how you feel about your partner and this relationship.
3. Pinpoint the problems that you’ve encountered throughout your relationship.
4. Reflect on how you dealt with these problems, if at all.
5. Please take a few days to think and clarify what you would like a romantic relationship and a romantic partner for yourself.
6. Share your thoughts and feelings with your partner.
7. Ask your partner how they feel and what do they think about you and your relationship.
8. Talk to your partner about things that aren’t working for each of you and see if you can fix your issues.
9. Whether or not you can fix your problems. Together with your partner, you can decide on a way forward that works for both of you, considering your feelings and circumstances.

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What to Consider Before Ending a Relationship?

While reasons are relatively simple to understand, feelings can be more confusing. For example, you might feel that ending your relationship is the right thing to do. At the same time, you may feel sad and nervous.

After some time, your romantic feelings may faded, or you may started having feelings for someone else. It can be scary to see yourself losing feelings for the person you once loved. But that’s the nature of feelings; they change all the time.

These questions will help you decide whether or not to end your relationship:

• When was the last time you told your partner how you felt?
• How did you express these feelings?
• What are your reasons for wanting to end your relationship?
• Do you want to end your relationship because you think it’s what you should do or because you want to do it?
• Are you acknowledging your feelings or ignoring them?

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Common Mistakes when Ending a Relationship

Ending a relationship with someone you love isn’t easy. But sometimes you may not see any other way.

When you decide to end your relationship, it’s best to do it together with your partner. This way will help you make a decision that works for both of you.

There are situations where your relationship became so toxic that you want nothing to do with your partner. You can try and work things out, but it could be easier to break up and move on.

Before you decide to end your relationship. It may be worth reflecting on it with your partner just in case there’s a way to work out your differences and stay together.

Here are some common mistakes people make when ending a relationship:

• Making a rush decision
• Ending your relationship because of your emotions (anger, frustration, fear, etc)
• Make a unilateral decision to end the relationship and then inform your partner about it
• Stop all the communication and block the other person from your contacts
• Walk out without saying anything
• Tell people in your social circle that you ended your relationship because how bad your partner was
• Tell other people to hate or stop talking to your ex partner because of how horrible they were with you

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How to End a Relationship

Many relationships end by one partner making a unilateral decision to break up. Then, they are looking for ways and means to deliver that decision to their partner. Some examples would be a person looking for:

• The best place to break up
• “The best time to break up”
• How to tell my partner that I decided to break up
• How to break up over text, email, phone call or a letter, etc…
  While these approached to ending a relationship are common. These are the worst ways you can end your relationship. Apart from extreme circumstances where your partner doesn’t welcome any information coming from you, including your thoughts, feelings doubts and concerns.

Fortunately, there is a healthier and more loving and respectful way to end your relationship. Here are 5 steps that can help you:

1. Recognise that your relationship isn’t working.

Before you can explain to your partner why you want to break up, first, you need to make it clear for yourself.

• Recognise the change in your feelings towards your partner
• Acknowledge your new feelings
• Make a plan to act on them

2. Identify the reason why your relationship doesn’t work

• Find a good time for both of you to talk
• Tell them you want to express your feelings
• Use the list you made earlier to express your positive and negative feelings about your relationship
• Ask your partner to repeat back what they heard you say
• Thank your partner for hearing your feelings.
  Avoid talking about your intention to break up and your reasons for doing so. Stay with your feelings.

3. See if there’s something you can do to fix the issues.

• Tell your partner you’d like to hear how they feel
• Help them find the words to describe their feelings
• Write down their feelings in a list
• Read out loud their feelings back to them
  Stay with their feelings and avoid reasons and judgements

4. Talk to your partner about the concerns you are having and ask them how they feel about this relationship.

• Understand your partner’s view, worries and concerns on your relationship
• Once you’ve heard your partner’s perspective, share your concerns and worries about your relationship with your partner
• Be mindful of what you say and how you say it as it will help your partner understand you or it can confused you further
  Making notes will help you keep on track and remain objective

5. Together you can decide whether it’s worth continuing this relationship or if it’s best ending it.

The last step is all about communication. Many relationships end because of poor, limited or one-sided communication.
Whatever road you will choose moving forward, you will always know that you’ve done it together. This process eliminates unnecessary doubts and struggle. Avoid compromising what’s important for you and discourage your partner from compromising what’s important to them. Otherwise, you will go back to square one.

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Moving on After Ending a Relationship

When you and your partner decide to end your relationship, it’s time to say your final goodbyes. Regardless of your circumstances, you may find yourself feeling sad, lonely, nervous, or disturbed in some way.

When you decide together with your partner that it’s time to end your relationship, you can do it in a way that suits both of you. If your relationship isn’t working, you and your partner might be happier as friends. And you may find someone else with whom you can have a healthy romantic relationship.

If you end your relationship in the right way, you won’t need to suffer.

You are going to a better place with better people to fulfil your needs and bring joy into your life.

Remember, you don’t need to say your final goodbye to your partner. Suppose you are getting on well together and trust each other. In that case, you can have a really great and fulfilling friendship. Which can be more valuable than a dysfunctional romantic relationship.

What to Do After Ending a Relationship

After ending your relationship it’s time to focus on yourself, primarily.

• You can reflect on your relationship and learn from the mistakes you made
• You can learn something new
• You can concentrate on your career
• You can do something new
• You can relearn how to be ok by yourself
• You can travel

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Conclusion

Ending a relationship can be an emotionally challenging experience. When you are driven by your emotions, it’s easy to make a decision that you may later regret.

We’ve talked about how you can approach your situation with more awareness. You may even discover that your reasons for breaking up can be fixed, should you decide to stay together.

If you still decide to separate, you benefit from learning about yourself and your partner. And, you can use this skill to have a healthier future relationship.

By going through this 5 step process, you can regained the power over your decision. You can reflected on your feelings, desires and goals to get clear on what you want.

Once you have reflected on your feelings, desires and goals, you have a clearer idea of what you want. You’ve assessed your situation objectively.

When you start a relationship, both of you are equally responsible for everything that happens, including the breakup. It means that you should make all your decisions together.

Whatever choice you make, whatever happens, you will always know that you’ve made the best choice you could with an awareness of how you felt at that time.

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Help and Advice with Ending a Relationship

Tips to Deal with Ending Your Relationship

• Acknowledge your feelings
• Share your feelings with your partner
• Ask your partner how they feel about your relationship
• Share your worries and concerns
• Together, make a decision that works for both of you.
  

If you don’t know how to deal with ending your relationship and need professional help and advice, we’ll be happy to help! Check out our coaching options here.

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Frequently Asked Questions