Are you struggling to let go a relationship that isn’t working or that is no longer there?

These 5 steps would help you get a better understanding of your relationship regardless of whether you are still together or not.

  1. Recognise your relationship is not working in the way you would like it to
  2. Identify the issues that you encountered through out your relationship.
  3. Reflect on how you have dealt with these issues.
  4. Share your reflections with your partner (if you can) and learn their point view.
  5. Think of different ways you could have handled yourself better in dealing with these issues.

In this article, you will learn how to let go of your partner and your relationship that isn’t working or did not work out for some reason.

Why Is It Hard to Let Go of Someone You Love?

Are you struggling to let go of the comfort, convenience or circumstances that your relationship provides you? First of all, it’s worth considering if you are struggling to let go of the relationship or your partner.

Letting go of a relationship involves moving on from your current circumstances. E.g. social, children, location, financial and health issues.

Letting go of your partner comes down to no longer sharing your life with this person. This in turn, involves their company, living, sleeping and travelling together. So, basically spending your time and sharing your space with that particular person.

Once you get used to having someone in your life, it can be hard to let them go. Some couples choose to stay together even if their relationship doesn’t work. An unhealthy relationship brings a lot of suffering.

The history you shared and attachment you may have with your partner make it challenging to end your relationship. Letting go off the certainty that a relationship brings is another reason why it becomes hard to let go of it. It doesn’t matter if the relationship is healthy or unhealthy for us, we know what to expect. Letting go of such relationship leaves us in unknown territory which can be frightening.

Try to avoid making unilateral decisions. Instead, talk to your partner about your thoughts and feelings, and together you can decide the best way forward for both of you.

If you still have feelings for each other, you can try to work things out. However, if your feelings faded, it’s probably time to move on.

Signs You Are not Letting Go of Your Relationship

  • You think of your partner frequently
  • You remember things you used to do with your partner and feel nostalgic
  • You are interested on knowing what your partner is doing most of the time
  • You talk about your partner during everyday conversations with friends and family
  • You want to get back to the good times you once had with your partner
  • You feel resented with your partner and want to find a way to make them feel your pain

How to Let Go of a Relationship Gracefully?

Some people make a unilateral decision to end a relationship. Then, they inform their partner about their decision. It isn’t a healthy way to break up as it guarantees one of you getting hurt.

If your relationship doesn’t work, avoid making a unilateral decision to end it. A better way is to share your doubts and concerns with your partner. It will allow your partner to recognise your doubts, address your concerns and help you fix your relationship.

After talking to your partner, you may discover that the time has come to end your relationship. If that’s the case, it’s perfectly fine to break up if both you and your partner decide that this is what’s best for both of you.

Before talking to your partner, reflect on your feelings, doubts and concerns so that you can share them clearly.

Once you get everything out in the open, you will have a better chance of making your relationship work, or you’ll be able to end it the right way.

If you decide that it’s time to let go of your relationship, here’s how you can do it the right way:

  1. Reflect on your relationship and recognise what isn’t working
  2. Express your feelings, doubts and concerns to your partner (instead of informing them that you are breaking up)
  3. Take time to listen to your partner, get their feedback and learn their point of view on your relationship.
  4. Weigh all the pros and cons of this relationship for both of you.
  5. See if you are able to handle the challenges in your relationship and consider getting a relationship coach if you need some help.
  6. Once you can approach your relationship in a way that is objective, open, honest and talk about it with your partner. You can make a more conscious decision that works for both of you.

How to Let Go of a Relationship with Someone You Love

When your relationship is bringing you more pain and sorrow more often than not. It’s time to consider fixing it or letting it go.

How Do You Let Someone Go Emotionally?

  • Recognise the things that doesn’t work on your relationship.
  • Accept your responsibility and the part you played.
  • Avoid blaming your partner for the things that didn’t work. Remember both of you are responsible for what worked and what didn’t.
  • Accept all the emotions you are feeling, either is anger, resentment, sadness, relief, or any other emotion. Don’t restrict yourself from feeling them. Only by feeling them, you will be able to let them go.
  • Take care of yourself, pamper yourself, make yourself a priority in your life
  • Take the time to reflect on what worked and what didn’t in your relationship before you move into a new one.
  • Be willing to let go and start a new life.
  • If you struggle to let go of your relationship and move on, it would be a good idea to talk to a relationship coach.

Why Are You Struggling to Let Go?

To get you started understanding why you are struggling to let go of your relationship, answer these questions:

  • Are you afraid of being alone?
  • Are you unsure how you are going to support yourself financially?
  • Are you so used to be with your partner that you cannot see how your life would be without them?
  • You don’t think you will be able to find a new partner
  • You are feeling so hurt and resented that you want your partner to pay the price for it

How to Let Go of an Unhealthy and Toxic Relationship

When your relationship is unhealthy you can try to make it work by resolving the problems or you can choose to end it and move on. Whatever you choose, avoid continuing in an unhealthy relationship and ignoring the problems.

Once a relationship becomes toxic it is harder to deal with it. When emotions are running high and you are overwhelmed by unresolved problems, a good option would be to have some time apart. Before you make any final decisions. This will give you an opportunity to find emotional balance and have an objective perspective on your relationship.

How to Let Go of a Failed Relationship?

A failed relationship is the one that didn’t work and led to you separating.

Once you recognise the reasons for your relationship to fail, you need to come to terms with it and be ok about it. Otherwise, even though you may have separated already, you will be struggling to live your life and enjoy it.

If you are not recognising the reasons or accepting that you are also responsible for the failure of your relationship. Your journey of healing is going to be longer and more painful.

If you are unsure whether or not you are struggling to let go of a failed relationship. Check out the signs of not letting go we talked above to help you identify yourself in this situation.

There are things you can do to help you along this path of letting go:

  • Accept that the relationship ended
  • Recognise the reasons why your relationship didn’t work
  • Accept your responsibility for the failure of your relationship
  • Don’t blame your partner for your relationship not working out

Now, that you know why your relationship has come to and end and maybe you are no longer together. You can concentrate on yourself and plan your life in the way you wan to live it.

Only when you work on yourself, your self-development and process your emotions is that you can start the healing process of letting go of your relationship and enjoy the new life that is waiting for you.

How to Let Go of a Past Relationship?

Letting go of a past relationship is as hard as you want to make it. The longer you hold on to the idea of your partner or the relationship that didn’t work, the longer you will be inflicting suffering to yourself.

The best way to let go of a previous relationship is by having a clear idea of why it didn’t work as well as recognising what was amazing about it. Once you know the part you played in your past relationship, you can work on your self-development and improve the things you didn’t do quite right.

Knowing this, will help you choose the right person in the future. You will be able to set boundaries and navigate your relationship avoiding making the same mistakes as you did before. Remember, you can always do better next time if you put a little bit of effort and learn from your mistakes.

How to Let Go of a Relationship and Move on

The only way to move on is to leave the past in the past. Learn from your relationship to avoid making the same mistakes.

A healthy way to move on from a relationship is by reflecting on it and recognising what worked and what didn’t for you and your partner.

This reflection will help both of you (or who ever chooses to learn from it) to learn from past experiences. This way in your future relationships you can do more of the things that worked instead of repeating the same mistakes that created unnecessary drama and bad feelings in your life.

Learning from your past experiences reduces the amount of things you will later see as a regret.


When you are struggling in your relationship, the first thing to do is to discuss these concerns with your partner.

You know it’s time to let go of a relationship when you’ve done everything you could to save it. You acknowledge everything that happened in your relationship and see where you and your partner failed. Then, recognise there’s no more you can do, or are willing to do. Then, it’s time to let go of you relationship.

When you can’t let go of a relationship that isn’t working, you are creating a situation that is likely to bring you a lot of suffering.

Letting go of a relationship is a three step process:

  1. You recognise your relationship isn’t working by picking up on some of the signs that we covered in this article.
  2. Knowing why you would let go of a relationship is the key aspect of you being able to move on. In turn, this understanding will help you gain some clarity about your relationship and how you contributed to it.
  3. You want to end your relationship in a healthy way, so you can learn from your mistakes to avoid repeating. This will help you create more loving relationships and make more conscious decisions.

There are two situations where letting go of a relationship becomes a thing:

  1. When you are in a relationship that isn’t working, yet you are choosing to stay in it.
  2. When your relationship ends, but you are struggling to let go of the idea of being with your ex-partner. And, you find it difficult to move on with your life and have other relationships.

Staying in a relationship that isn’t working is unhealthy. In this case, it’s best to try to resolve the issues or end your relationship. Approaching this in a loving and respectful way is more important than the final decision you are going to make.

Help and Advice on Letting Go of a Relationship

Tips on Letting Go of a Relationship

  • Accept that the relationship has ended
  • Recognise the reasons why your relationship didn’t work
  • Accept your responsibility for the failure of your relationship
  • Don’t blame your partner for your relationship not working out, both of you contributed somehow
  • Focus on your self-development
  • Take care of yourself
  • Start doing things that bring you joy

If you don’t know how to deal with letting go of your relationship and need professional help and advice, we’ll be happy to help! Check out our coaching options here.

Frequently Asked Questions

How to let go of a controlling relationship?

A controlling relationship can manifest as a manipulative behaviour or even gaslighting. If you feel like you are no longer having control over your life while feeling pressured and overwhelmed. One of the things you can consider is having some time apart. In some cases, it may not be that easy, however, continuing in such relationship can be toxic to your well-being.

How to let go of a relationship that has ended?

To move on from a relationship you need to understand why it ended. Once you know why your relationship ended, what worked and what didn’t. When you realise that ending your relationship was for the best. But above all, if you can have some takeaways from this break up. You will no longer have struggle making the same mistakes in your future relationships.

When to let go of a long term relationship?

Long term relationships are harder to let go because you spend a lot of time together and a big part of your life revolves about your partner. When this relationship ends many aspects of your life are affected. So, while it’s hard to let go of such relationship. You risk waiting even more time in an unhealthy and toxic relationship, instead being in a relationship that you enjoy.

Why is it hard to let go of a toxic relationship?

There are various reasons why you may struggle to let go of a toxic relationship. But, you may be struggling to let go because of your dependency on your partner or your relationship. And because of the fear of change and the responsibility of creating a new life.

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