How to Get to Know Someone in a Long-Distance Relationship

How to Get to Know Someone in a Long-Distance Relationship

Are you in the process of getting to know someone online? If so, you are in the right place!

Getting to know someone long distance requires creativity and open communication. Start by initiating regular conversations through various mediums like video calls, phone calls, and messaging apps. Share your interests, hobbies, and personal stories to create a deeper connection. Engage in virtual activities together, such as watching movies simultaneously or playing online games. Ask thoughtful questions to understand their values, dreams, and aspirations. It’s crucial to be patient, empathetic, and understanding, as building a bond takes time. Most importantly, be authentic and genuine in your interactions to foster a meaningful and lasting long-distance relationship.

In this article, we’ll cover everything that’s on offer for long-distance couples to get to know each other better. So, if this sounds good, let’s dive right in.

1. Exchange a Few Messages

At the very beginning of a long-distance relationship, exchanging a few messages is usually enough of an interaction when getting to know someone for the first time. It helps to have a balance between reaching out to make a connection and leaving room for the person to get back to you in their own time.

  • Don’t overload each other with tons of messages during the day or expect to get responses straight away.
  • Remember that everyone has their life with individual commitments and responsibilities.

As you get to know each other and your emotional connection grows stronger you may start having daily conversations. Allow the time for your long-distance relationship to develop organically.

That said, regular communication is a fundamental building block of getting to know someone long distance.

For effective communication, consider the following:

  • Agree on how, when and how often you would like to keep in touch from the very beginning.
  • Use all online communication tools, such as instant messengers and social media
  • Your preferred means of keeping in touch (messages, emails, phone calls, video calls, etc.)
  • The time, duration and frequency that fits your schedules
  • The topics you would like to discuss outside of casual conversations
  • Send funny memes, share photos, or engage in playful banter.
  • Have a go at relationship quizzes.
  • Try to be consistent in your communication as it’ll help you build a strong long-distance relationship based on trust and understanding.

Honesty, openness, and active listening are essential components of effective communication. Being able to express your thoughts and emotions honestly while also being receptive to the other person’s perspective can help build trust and emotional intimacy.

A video call is a great way to have a conversation where you get to share your feelings. Seeing each other’s facial expressions and body language helps create a sense of closeness.

2. See if Your Conversation Flows

You can tell if your conversation flows after exchanging a few messages.

If your conversation doesn’t flow, feel free to end it and do something else. One thing you really want to avoid is having boring conversations.

When you feel comfortable being yourself and expressing your thoughts and feelings without the fear of being judged or misunderstood, your communication should be effortless.

  • Don’t force your conversation, so embrace the flow and see where it takes you. As long as you enjoy talking to each other, your relationship will naturally develop into what it’s meant to be.
  • Begin with a small talk to break the ice. If awkward small talk makes you feel uncomfortable, talk about something funny you tend to encounter in your day-to-day life.
  • The clearer you can express yourself through words, the easier it will be for your partner to understand what you mean.

The distance can put extra strain on your relationship. Effective communication will help you stay emotionally connected and make the most out of your time apart. It’s essential for a healthy long-distance relationship and is one of the first things you should learn about. Use our workbook to help you along.

Getting to know someone online is different from getting to know a person face to face.

When you are getting to know someone online, you rely mostly on verbal and written communication to trust what your special someone is saying and how they feel.

Body language is a big part of communication. When you are together, you interact verbally, through touch and by observing each other’s body language, be it unconsciously, most of the time.

Without seeing a person and observing their body language it’s hard to feel their presence and emotions the way you would when you are together.

When it comes to online communication, try to keep it simple and leave more sensitive topics for when you are physically together. Online communication leaves a lot of room for misunderstandings and can lead to unnecessary confusion and arguments.

If you are unsure how to approach your partner and begin the conversation, check out our article about different conversation topics.

3. Discuss Casual Daily Things

Talking about everyday things will allow you to see the level of understanding between you and the other person. You will also discover if you have many interests in common and are seeing the world in the same way.

In the early stage of long-distance relationships, couples tend to stick to conversations about day-to-day life. A casual conversation can also be helpful in creating a flow that allows you to expand into deeper and more meaningful conversations.

Meaningful conversations help you connect on a deeper level. Though, sometimes, feeling emotionally connected is more valuable than discussing any particular topic.

Start with casual conversation topics to break the ice and get to know each other in a fun way.

4. Talk About Personal, Intimate and Meaningful Things

Once you established that you like each other and get on well, you can share more personal and intimate things. Open and honest conversations can help you get to know someone better and connect at a deeper level.

Getting to know someone better means learning about their values and beliefs. You can do it by choosing conversation topics that are significant for you in some way. Including them in your daily conversations will set the stage for an honest and loving relationship.

Here are two examples of such topics:

  1. Sharing your story
    Talking about the place where you come from and what you have been through helps to understand another person better and the reasons for their actions.
    Discussing what you both want in life, from a relationship and what your personal and relationship goals are will give you a clearer picture of who the other person is.
  2. Talking about your feelings, needs and preferences
    Any successful relationship depends on your ability to express your feelings and recognise the feelings of your partner. Your ability to express how you feel and what you need directly impacts the success of your relationship. Get comfortable sharing your feelings with each other and discuss them without judgment. Talk about intimate things to develop a sexual connection.

Take notes of how you feel. It will give you invaluable insight into how your feelings and opinions change over time. Jotting down the events that take place, will help you correlate the event with your feelings.

During your time apart you can maintain emotional connection by improving your communication and keeping in touch as much as you need. Do not allow excessive communication to suck the fun out of your relationship by wasting your time and leading to boring conversations.

Questions To Ask in a Long-Distance Relationship

Knowing the right long-distance relationship questions to ask can help couples enhance their relationship.

Long-distance relationship questions range from practical ones like communication and visitation plans to deeper emotional questions about trust, commitment, and your future together. These questions help in understanding each other, navigating distance, and building a strong connection. They help you figure out if you want the same things from life and from this long-distance relationship.

Fun questions to ask your long-distance partner:

  • What’s the weirdest dream you’ve had recently?
  • What’s the one thing you’d like to tell your younger self?
  • What do you love and hate about online dating?

Interesting questions to ask your long-distance partner:

  • Would you like to have your own business?
  • If you are to have your own business, what would it be?
  • What do your family members think about long-distance relationships?
  • What is your favourite family tradition?

Relationship-related questions to ask your long-distance partner:

  • When are you going to visit each other?
  • Who is going to visit?
  • What do you want in life and from your relationship?
  • How much physical intimacy does each of you need?
  • Do you need physical intimacy as often as each other?
  • Does one of you need physical intimacy more?

Check out our article to explore a whole variety of thought-provoking questions to ask in a long-distance relationship.

The sad reality is that online communication always leaves you wanting physical intimacy, especially when you develop a strong emotional connection. So, no matter how good you are at verbal and written communication, meeting in real life is essential for a healthy romantic relationship, particularly if you’ve never met.

5. Plan Your First Meeting

After a few weeks of getting to know someone over a long distance, you will want and need to meet them in person.

By then, you should know enough about each other to decide if you want to know any more.

Your first date will be exciting and nerve-racking at the same time. When you meet for the first time, you will see how the ideas about your potential partner compare to who they are in real life.

At this point, you would have built a certain image of your special someone and would have created an idea of your relationship. Before you cement what you think you know about this person, consider meeting them at least once.

Avoid unrealistic expectations as you might be disappointed if the person turns out not as you imagined. Meeting in real life helps avoid idealisation.

  • Arranging a separate sleeping accommodation will release the pressure of staying with someone. It will allow you to walk away if it does not feel right.
  • Let your family members know what you are doing and how to reach you.
  • Establish early boundaries for communication and physical intimacy.

Learn more about this momentous occasion in our article about the first meeting in a long-distance relationship.

6. Visit Each Other

In long-distance relationships, visits are considered a luxury. It comes down to how often you can travel, rather than the distance itself. So, if you have the time and money to cross the distance you are OK.

When you visit your partner in their place, you will have a chance to learn about their culture and environment. Knowing where a person comes from will help you better understand who they are and what they are all about. Likewise, having your partner come over to your place will also help them understand you better.

By visiting your long-distance partner often, you can find out how you feel when you are together. These are the times when you get to be close to each other and explore physical intimacy. It’s also an opportunity to talk about sensitive topics and meaningful things and learn about each other’s values, beliefs and preferences. Learning about each other’s personalities is a crucial part of getting to know someone in real life.

The time you spend together during your visits is precious and you may be tempted to have fun and ignore the doubts and issues you may have.

However, it is worth taking this opportunity to share your feelings and address your doubts and concerns. When you are apart, addressing the issues is more difficult and avoiding them could damage your relationship. Working out your problems together will bring you closer and will help you feel more intimate.

If you are struggling to handle the distance in your relationship, we have a workbook for you! Our guide will take you step by step through the most important areas of long-distance relationships. Working with your partner, you will identify any issues you may have and resolve them in a loving way.

7. Arrange to Move in Temporarily for a Couple of Months

Once you are serious about your relationship, consider moving in together for a few months to see how you work as a couple.

Many long-distance couples do not make it through a long-distance relationship. The ones that make it, tend to move in together full-time. This usually involves one partner leaving the life they knew behind and moving to an unfamiliar place.

While some people are more adaptable, for others such a dramatic change can be very stressful. This stress can in turn put pressure on an otherwise harmonious relationship, potentially destroying it.

Leaving family and friends behind can feel isolating and lonely. Leaving the work behind creates a dependency on the other partner. All of this is on top of the fact that partners’ habits and preferences may not match, creating more conflicts.

Finally, the partner who moves may feel insecure about all of the above, feeling powerless in a new and unfamiliar environment. This can leave them acting defensively, again creating unnecessary conflicts.

A simple, yet not always logistically easy solution, is to agree that living together is a temporary arrangement. For a person moving it can be a great relief to know that they can change their circumstances if for some reason things get too much.

This piece of mind can go a long way in relieving pressure from both partners. This will avoid unnecessary strain on the relationship and will increase your chances for a loving relationship.

While living together eliminates problems associated with a long-distance relationship, you may discover that new problems appear. To help you with that, we’ve got an article about living together after a long-distance relationship.


Get to know important things about your partner without being too forward. Engage in meaningful conversations about life over a video call and personal questions to ask in real life during your visits. It’ll help you discover the deeper parts of your long-distance partner.

When you start a relationship, you have three ways of getting to know your potential partner:

  1. Online
  2. In real life by meeting for the first time
  3. During your visits

Getting to know each other in a long-distance relationship is slightly different from how you’d do it if you were together. The main difference is in the way you communicate, both online and during your visits.

If you are struggling to bring up difficult topics, resolve your disagreements or want to improve your communication, our step-by-step guide will help you do just that.

During your visits, you can see if what you know about each other fits with how you feel when you are together. Once you are serious about your relationship, consider moving in together.

A new long-distance relationship may feel exciting, but it can also get confusing. If you feel happy together and believe that your relationship can work, give it a go.

To have a healthy long-distance relationship, both of you should know what you want and where you see your relationship in the future. Establish early on if you would like to live in a similar place, have kids, focus on your careers, or have fun for a little while.

The success of your long-distance relationship depends on your ability to express yourself and share your goals, values and beliefs.

You may feel more comfortable discussing certain topics face-to-face. In this case, agree on everything you would like to cover during your visit. Long-distance relationship questions can help you navigate the conversations.

Planning everything you want to do together can be a lot of fun. But it is only worth doing once you have arranged your next visit. If you need extra guidance, consider our workbook on planning your long-distance relationship.

Taking the time to learn about each other’s preferences will help you see if you are compatible with a romantic relationship.

When you are apart, use this time to learn about each other’s personalities, values, and beliefs. It will show you if you see things the same way at a fundamental level.

Frequently Asked Questions about Getting to Know Someone in a Long-Distance Relationship

How do you get to know someone in a long-distance relationship?

When you get to know someone in an online relationship, you can talk online or during the visits. While you are apart, you can also play online games, do relationship quizzes, and work with a couple’s journals.

What do you talk about before a long-distance relationship?

Before you start a long-distance relationship, talk about what you want from this relationship. Check that your goals align and that you are OK with each other’s values and beliefs.

What questions do you ask in a long-distance relationship?

You can ask each other general questions to learn about your lives and history. In an online relationship, it’s important to discuss your need for physical intimacy.
All questions can be divided into 2 types: those that are important to you and those that are not. We are naturally more emotional about things that are important to us.

How do you keep a conversation going long-distance?

In a harmonious relationship, conversations should flow easily by themselves. But if there are things that you’d like to discuss but are not sure how to bring them up, a couple’s journal can help you with that.

How do you keep an online conversation interesting?

In a healthy relationship, conversations should be interesting, most of the time. Online conversations become boring when partners spend too much time talking, even when they have nothing more to share. To keep your conversations interesting, try to do fun things separately, so you have something to discuss. When your conversations become dull, is better to use your time doing something else than forcing you to carry on talking about nothing.

How do you make love in a long-distance relationship?

You don’t. That’s the sad reality of a long-distance relationship. You can go all out during your visits. While for some people it is enough, others need to be physically present with their partner almost every day to feel connected and fulfilled. Talk to your partner to learn about their preferences. Knowing what both of you need will help you understand each other better.

What should you not do in a long-distance relationship?

1. Don’t let yourself fall in love with an idea. Get to know the person for who they really are.
2. Don’t set unrealistic expectations. It’s nice to dream, but if your feelings grow stronger, assess what is possible for both of you. This will help you avoid disappointments and heartache.
3. Don’t make promises that will leave you feeling pressured to do something. Your feelings will change and so will your preferences. Enjoy the experience and let your relationship develop on its own.

How do you keep someone interested in long-distance?

Keeping someone interested in a long-distance relationship requires effort, communication, and creativity. Stay engaged by regularly communicating, and planning virtual date nights or activities to share experiences despite the distance. Be attentive, listen to their needs, and show genuine interest in their life. Surprise them with thoughtful gestures like sending letters or gifts. Honesty and trust are vital, so be open about your feelings and concerns. Lastly, maintain a positive outlook and focus on the future you envision together.

How to start a long-distance relationship?

Starting a long-distance relationship begins with open communication and mutual consent. Be clear about your intentions and expectations from the outset. Establish trust and honesty as the foundation of your connection. Set realistic goals for the relationship and discuss how often you’ll communicate and visit each other. Prepare for challenges and be willing to adapt and support each other through the distance.

Can you date someone long-distance?

Yes, dating someone long-distance is possible, and many successful relationships have thrived despite the geographical separation. Long-distance relationships require dedication, communication, and a willingness to overcome obstacles together. With constant communication, long-distance couples can connect emotionally and build a strong bond. While distance can be challenging, it can also create opportunities for growth and a deeper understanding of one another. Patience, trust, and commitment are key to making a long-distance relationship work.

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