A breakup is daunting enough, but breaking up a long-distance relationship can be even more emotionally challenging.
The biggest challenge of a long-distance relationship breakup is the inability to talk to your partner face to face. It can be extremely difficult to tell if your struggles come as a result of your relationship dynamic or physical separation. The best way to handle a breakup process is by talking to your partner about your feelings and doubts and making a decision together. Ideally, you’d have a breakup conversation in person, but if that’s not possible, at least talk over a video call. Appreciate that it’s a painful experience for everyone and find a way to create a space with empathy and understanding.
Today, we’ll focus more on the emotional side of a long-distance relationship breakup. We explore the practical aspects of when to let go of a long-distance relationship and how to end a long-distance relationship in separate articles, so feel free to check them out afterwards.
For now, let’s take a look at different reasons why long-distance couples break up and the signs that your long-distance relationship is coming to an end.
Can Distance Kill a Relationship?
A relationship is a union of two people. These two people create a relationship, and they’re the ones who can make it work or the ones who might choose to end it.
Distance affects a relationship in many ways. But the two aspects that are most affected by distance are:
Online communication through video calls makes it possible to keep in touch with your romantic partner across a distance. Video chat is great for spending quality time together sharing and making plans. However, no amount of video calls can replace physical intimacy, which only becomes possible during the visits. That’s why visiting each other regularly and frequently is essential to make a long-distance relationship work.
So, no wonder that poor communication and a lack of physical intimacy are by far the biggest reasons for long-distance relationship breakups.
As long as you can maintain a healthy relationship with trust and understanding, distance is not something you have to be afraid of. check out these workbooks for guidance.
When Breakup Is the Right Decision?
Sometimes a long-distance relationship breakup is the best way forward for everyone. Here are two such examples:
Imagine you are in a regular typical relationship, and one of you has to move away. The first thing you should do is talk about how long you’re going to be apart and how you feel about it. Being apart for a few months is quite manageable.
However, if one of you is going to college or moving away for a few years, breaking up and perhaps staying friends could be a better choice than trying to make it work and suffering along the way.
Another example is when you are already in a long-distance relationship, and things just aren’t working out. Maybe you can’t see each other often enough or your communication isn’t that great. Or perhaps you want to have more free time and more personal space to do other things like pursuing your personal goals, catching up with hobbies or spending time with friends.
Whatever your preferences, make sure to mention them in your breakup conversation. Knowing the reality of what’s going on will spare your partner from unnecessary doubts.
A sudden and unexpected breakup is one of the most unpleasant ways to end a relationship. It usually comes around when one partner decides to break up and then tries to find a way to inform the other about their decision.
A unilateral decision to break up guarantees at least one of you getting emotional. So, why not end your relationship with dignity, love and mutual respect? Learn how to end a long-distance relationship in our in-depth article.
Why Long-Distance Couples Break Up?
There are many reasons why long-distance couples break up. Here are 2 general reasons:
Some couples don’t fully understand the reality of a long-distance relationship. So when they start having problems because of the physical separation, they’re not prepared for it. Not knowing how to handle the distance can leave you feeling depressed and frustrated.
And, unless you spend time and make an effort to learn how to handle the distance, you will either break up or end up in a toxic long-distance relationship.
Couples who can make their long-distance relationship work, know how to build and maintain trust and understanding through effective communication and they also have the means and free time to frequently visit each other.
However, even when you approach a long-distance relationship in a productive way, you are still not immune from a breakup. Sometimes, feelings change, you may drift apart or one of you may want to get romantically involved with a different person.
A long-distance relationship is a journey, and like any other journey, it has a beginning and an end. Sometimes, partners feel connected like friends, close friends, but the romance isn’t there. In this case, instead of going through the whole long-distance breakup, you may choose to end the romance/exclusivity while keeping your friendship.
Here are some other reasons why a long-distance break is common:
- A lack of specific goals, a plan and a timeline.
- Too much uncertainty causes doubts and worries.
- Poor communication leads to confusion.
- Unnecessary fights and arguments that ruin the relationship.
- Travelling to see each other can be expensive, and not everyone has the means to do it as often as they would like or need.
- Staying in a long-distance relationship for too long has the risk of losing emotional connection.
Breakup Signs in a Long-Distance Relationship
Here are a few signs that you might be heading for a breakup:
- You’re no longer okay with being physically apart.
- Your conversations leave you sad and confused rather than excited and inspired.
- Lack of physical intimacy leaves you feeling sexually frustrated more often than satisfied.
- You don’t have a plan for where your long-distance relationship is going and how you will get there.
Use our guide on how to make your long-distance relationship work to help you understand your circumstances better and get clear on what is and isn’t working.
Once you identify the problems in your relationship, you can find the best way forward.
How to Breakup with Someone Long-Distance?
Here are some tips on how to break up long-distance:
- Avoid making a final decision unilaterally
- Talk to your long-distance partner
- Share your feelings and doubts
- Discuss things that bother you
- Express clearly what isn’t working for you and your relationship.
- Give your partner a chance to express how they feel and what they think.
- Take time to hear each other out and understand each other’s point of view.
- Finally, and most importantly, if you decide to break up, make this final decision together. You started a relationship together, so it’s only fair that both of you decide to end it.
Check out our in-depth article on how to break up with someone long distance where we cover the steps and go through them in detail one by one.
How to Get Over a Long-Distance Relationship?
Getting over a long-distance relationship breakup can be a challenging period for anyone. Regardless of whether it’s a unilateral or mutual decision, of course, you will feel sad regardless. When you share your life with someone and this person is no longer part of your life, it’s natural to feel empty, like something’s missing.
- Find another way to bring fun into your life.
- Give yourself time to adapt to this change.
- Catch up on your hobbies.
- Meet other people.
How to Move on After a Long-Distance Relationship Break Up?
If you have recently gone through a long-distance breakup, you must be experiencing a whole range of emotions from feeling free and liberated to feeling sad and lonely. Over the course of your relationship, you developed an attachment, so your life may feel empty without them. Whatever you’re feeling, one thing is for sure – now is the time for you to you move on and get your personal life back on track.
- Get clear on why your relationship ended.
- See if you have done all you could to make it work.
- Reflect on your relationship.
- Learn from your experience.
- Take some time for yourself.
- Keep an open line of communication.
- Reaching out to your ex can help you better understand what it’s like for someone else to be with you.
- It may seem silly, but ask your ex for feedback.
- Consider remaining friends and keeping in touch.
- Understanding the part you played in this breakup will help you move on.
- This understanding will help you focus on these areas in your future relationships.
- While quality time with yourself is important, you can also find someone else to keep you company.
- Update your social media status.
Moving on is like finishing a chapter of a book. You chose another person to take a journey through a part of your life. But at some point, this chapter ends, and another one begins. Before you can get fully immersed in the next chapter of your life, you should make peace with this one.
A breakup creates a void in your life, and many people rush into creating the next relationship to fail like the last one. But having this void gives you space to think.
After you’ve taken some time to reflect on this relationship, you will be emotionally and intellectually prepared to create a more loving experience with someone else.
If you don’t take the time needed to work through how you feel, you are likely to end up with the same problems, just with a different person. If you don’t learn from your mistakes, you will keep repeating them.
Contrary to popular belief, relationships don’t have to end with arguments and hatred. Long-distance couples tend to be very passionate about each other. But life happens, circumstances change and you may feel differently. While you may not control that, the one thing you can control is how you handle yourself when these changes happen.
Long-distance relationships entail being romantically involved with someone who potentially lives in a different part of the world. As a result, this creates many challenges.
Becoming familiar with common problems long-distance couples face can help you avoid them in your future long-distance relationships. For example, online communication in long-distance relationships can make it harder to navigate a more complex conversation. Allow extra headspace to have a productive conversation, build understanding and address issues.
A long-distance relationship requires many things for it to work out. But, even if you take care of all the practical aspects of handling the distance and maintaining a healthy relationship, the moment your feelings change, any plans you’ve created for the future together change with it.
Many people believe that ending long-distance relationships has to involve a lot of negative energy. However, the fact is that many couples break up for a whole variety of reasons. And, that’s okay, it’s life, things happen. But, how you go about a breakup is what really makes a difference. It’s the skill of approaching the conversation with love, respect and understanding.
Create a space where both of you can express yourselves and hear each other out. Spending time to have understanding is a productive way to reach a clean break avoid negative energy and come to the right decision in a situation where so many other people end up with painful feelings, which makes the healing process extremely difficult.
Long-distance relationships have many benefits, like having more time to pursue your personal life goals and ambitions. And, they can work just fine for a few months or a bit longer. Just don’t mistake them for complete romantic relationships and plan to close the physical gap in the near future. Without a realistic and actionable plan to live together, at least in the same city, you might have false hope that it’ll somehow work out by itself. To avoid painful feelings and disappointment, concentrate on the reality of your situation and spend time planning how exactly you envision your lives together.
A long-distance relationship requires that the partner’s desire to be together is supported by their circumstances and abilities to move in together. While some long-distance couples can make it work and close the distance, others choose to break up. Either is fine
Unfortunately, it is common for one person to make a unilateral decision to break up and inform their partner about it. This leads to a lot of confusion and heartache.
For some reason, it became a norm for one partner to decide that it was time to break up and find a way to inform the other partner about their decision. They spend most of their energy thinking about how to do it whether to do it on the phone, by text or by writing a breakup letter. All of these are nonsense; that’s why it feels like a struggle.
Talk about your doubts and concerns openly and honestly. And, if you choose to break up, you can do so with dignity and respect and move forward in harmony.
Maintaining communication after a breakup will help you talk to each other if you decide to reflect on your time together. You can learn about the root causes of your problems and your behaviours.
Getting feedback from your ex can help you understand their point of view and shine some light on your behaviour.
It can be tragic, and it can bring a lot of suffering if you or your partner make a unilateral decision to break up.
A healthier way to break up:
- Take a step back from having to decide on your own.
- Tell your partner what’s not working.
- They might help you figure things out.
- If your feelings have changed or the circumstances are no longer working for you or your partner, a breakup can actually be the best thing for both of you.
As long as your breakup is a mutual decision – everyone feels involved, and nobody gets hurt. It’s that simple.
Long-distance relationship breakups may seem devastating. But they don’t have to be!
If you need help dealing with emotions and reflecting on your past relationship, feel free to get in touch. We are here to help! Together, we will identify your needs, get familiar with your behaviours and help you make a plan moving forward.
Frequently Asked Questions about Long-Distance Breakup
Is it okay to break up because of long distance?
Absolutely. Long-distance relationships can be challenging, and it’s completely valid to consider whether it’s the right fit for both parties. It’s important to prioritize your own well-being and happiness.
How do you deal with a long-distance breakup?
Give yourself permission to feel the emotions that come with a breakup.
Lean on people you trust
Get a coach for emotional support and guidance.
Take care of your physical and emotional well-being through activities that bring you comfort and peace.
Establish clear boundaries with your ex-partner to give yourself space to heal.
Why are long-distance breakups so hard?
Long-distance breakups can be particularly challenging because physical separation amplifies the emotional distance. The lack of regular physical contact can make it harder to find closure and move on.
What are the red flags in a long-distance relationship?
Lack of communication
Avoidance of future planning
When should you call it quits in a long-distance relationship?
Consider calling it quits if you consistently feel unhappy, or unsupported, or if there’s a lack of trust or commitment. It’s important to prioritise your own well-being and happiness.
How do I stop being sad when leaving my long-distance partner?
Focus on the present moment and appreciate the time you’ve spent together.
Keep yourself occupied with activities you enjoy to help take your mind off the sadness.
Talk openly with your partner about how you feel and seek their support.
How do you let go of a long-distance relationship?
Acknowledge that the relationship has ended and allow yourself to grieve.
Create physical and emotional space to facilitate the healing process.
Invest time and energy into activities that promote personal growth and well-being.
Why do long-lasting couples break up?
There are various reasons, including changes in values, life goals, or simply growing apart over time. It’s a natural part of personal development and can lead to new opportunities for growth and happiness.
How to prevent long-distance relationship breakups?
You can prevent a break-up by talking about your thoughts, feelings, doubts, and concerns openly and honestly with your long-distance partner. If you can recognise and address all the issues that bother you, there is no reason for you to break up.
How do you break up a long-distance relationship?
Usually, breakups are one-sided. People who consider a breakup try to find a way to tell their partner that they no longer want to be in the relationship. First of all, when you decide to end your long-distance relationship, it’s a decision that you should make together with your partner.
Is distance a reason to break up?
Distance affects a relationship in several ways. If you can understand how the distance affects your relationship and find a way to handle it, you won’t need to break up. However, you may encounter problems that you can’t fix. Maybe your long-distance relationship lasted for too long. If this is the case, it’s okay to break up, as long as it’s a mutual decision.
How to deal with a long-distance relationship breakup?
Dealing with a long-distance relationship break-up isn’t as hard if you do it properly. Suppose you decide to break up a long-distance relationship and inform your partner about your decision. In that case, you’re going to bring a lot of suffering to your partner and yourself. Instead, try talking to your partner about the things that aren’t working and make that decision together.
How to survive a long-distance relationship break-up?
You only need to survive a long-distance relationship breakup if you’re doing it the wrong way. If the decision to break up is mutual, there is no need for struggle, suffering, and survival. If you talk about everything openly and honestly with your long-distance partner as long as you are on the same page, you can find a way that works for both of you.
Can you fix a long-distance relationship breakup?
You can fix a long-distance relationship before you break up. A simple way to do it is to talk to your long-distance partner about things that aren’t working for you. When you discuss all the issues you are experiencing with your long-distance partner, you might find a solution to these problems. If you can fix problems in a long-distance relationship, you no longer need to break up.
How to handle a long-distance relationship breakup?
The best way to handle a long-distance relationship breakup is by managing your emotions while objectively reflecting on your relationship. It helps to have an open line of communication with your ex-partner, so you can get their feedback and raise your awareness of things you can improve in the future. Hopefully, it was a mutual decision and not a unilateral one. It’s okay to stay in touch to discuss your feelings even after a breakup. You spend some time together, which means you are intimately familiar with each other. So the person you broke up with can be the best person to help you through this breakup.
How do you know when it’s time to break up in a long-distance relationship?
If you pick up on some of the signs that your long-distance relationship isn’t working, you know that something needs to change. Suppose you are struggling and suffering in your long-distance relationship instead of having fun and enjoying it. In that case, it’s time to reassess your relationship. When your long-distance relationship isn’t working, you can try to fix it, or you can talk to your partner, and together you may choose to break up.
Should we break up a long-distance relationship?
You should break up a long-distance relationship if both you and your partner agree that it is the best thing for everyone. A mutual breakup is the way breakups should be. You may be the one who wants to break up or maybe it’s your partner who wants to break up. As long as you discuss your relationship and make all your decisions together, you will be able to maintain harmony, even if you decide to break up.
How do you politely break up?
It’s always better, to be honest than polite. When your relationship is in trouble, the last thing you want is to be polite about it. Trying to be “nice” about leaving a relationship is a very shit way to go about it, don’t do it! Your feelings can change, your needs may be unfulfilled, and your expectations may not have been met, which happens all the time.
How long does it take to get over a long-distance breakup?
The time it takes to get over a long-distance relationship breakup depends on your emotional involvement and how the breakup happened. If your ex-partner has broken up with you suddenly and you did not expect it, it will take some time for you to process this event. On the other hand, things haven’t been going well for a while and a breakup was a mutual decision, which you have discussed, it shouldn’t take as long for you to move on.
How do you move on from break up when you are still in love?
if you’re still in love with your partner after the breakup, it helps for you to have an open line of communication. If they’re willing to hear you out, you can share your how you feel about them, without expecting reciprocation or a relationship. Suffering alone and in silence is not a pleasant experience. And, you can deal with it by expressing yourself in a healthy call loving and respectful way.
When should you give up on a long-distance relationship?
Breaking up may be a good idea when you or your partner no longer have romantic feelings for each other, you can close the distance, you don’t trust each other and you find yourself in a toxic relationship without seeing a way to make it work.
Are long-distance relationships easier to get over?
The difficulty of getting over a relationship depends on the degree of your emotional involvement. Just because your relationship, doesn’t mean that you are emotionally distant from that person. In fact, it can be just the opposite.
How do you let go of someone you love long-distance?
Letting go of someone you love comes down to maintaining mutual respect and keeping an open line of communication. First of all, separate how you feel from your objective circumstances. This helps recognise what did not work in your relationship and learn from it. However, once you have gone through this process rationally, it’s okay to have lingering emotions about your past relationship and your ex-partner. That said, you don’t want to maintain an emotional attachment to something that has happened and is no longer part of your life.