Are you in a long-distance relationship wondering how long it should last? While the answer to this question is straightforward, there are a few things you should consider.
Long-distance relationships last from months to years. They end when partners move in together or end their relationship. A long lasting long-distance relationship does not mean it is healthy, successful, or even worth it. Just because a long-distance relationship lasts a long time, does not mean it works. The longer it lasts, the harder it becomes.
Some couples believe that if they survive the distance, their relationship is a success. But while it may be so if their sole objective is to be together, the reality is more complex than that. Some couples persevere through the long-distance relationship just to break up shortly after their reunion.
The long-distance can affect your relationships in ways that can change it forever. If you want to have a healthy and successful relationship, you should know how to handle the distance and for how long you will be apart.
Can Long-Distance Relationships Last?
A long-distance relationship can last until a couple moves in together or ends the relationship. For example, if both partners are committed to their relationship, they can make it last for years. But the real question is whether or not they are happy during this time.
Sometimes the sense of duty and commitment can override your feelings. In other words, you maintain a long-distance relationship even if it brings you nothing but bad feelings. Just because you made promises that you don’t want to break.
After some time, the need for physical intimacy can get too much, and partners find someone they can be with physically. Cheating is an outcome of an unfulfilled need for physical closeness that hasn’t been addressed in time. In many cases, cheating (having sex with other people) is mixed together with distrust, but that’s not always the case.
Couples in long-distance relationships can feel deprived of physical closeness. If you have understanding and trust, you can talk to your partner about your feelings and needs. Then, you could find a solution that can work for both of you.
However, in a lot of cases, couples deal with a long-distance relationship out of necessity, rather than choice. It’s quite common to feel afraid and insecure when you don’t know what your partner is doing and you miss them like crazy.
You start having doubts and create stories. While they may not be true, if you think about them long enough, they become part of your reality.
Ironically, these very same insecurities can give birth to jealousy and distrust. After some time they may lead to arguments and become a self-fulfilling prophecy. This is the kind of problem that happens when you try to make a long-distance relationship last when it’s not working.
If this resonates with you on some level, have a look at this step by step guide on how to address and fix trust issues in a long-distance relationship.
For the moment, one thing to remember is the longer your long-distance relationship lasts, the more unfulfilled the need for physical intimacy becomes. And, the more it will affect your relationship, whether you are aware of it or not.
So, to say that long-distance relationships never last would be incorrect. Also, generalisation doesn’t help as it tells you what’s possible. But anything you set your mind too is possible. It may not be a healthy or happy relationship, but you can make it work all the same if you choose to.
Do Long-Distance Relationships Last?
Some couples believe that if they survive the distance, their relationship is a success. It might be so if the objective is to be together regardless of how you feel.
Long-distance affect relationships in ways that can change your relationship forever. Some couples persevere through the long-distance relationship just to break up shortly after their reunion.
If you want to have a healthy and successful relationship, you should know how to handle the distance. And part of it is knowing how long your long-distance relationship will last.
A long-distance relationship can last until partners move in together or break up. For example, if both partners are committed to their relationship, they can make it last for years. But are they happy during this time?
Sometimes the sense of duty, commitment and promises can override your feelings. In other words, you try to maintain a long-distance relationship even if all it brings is bad feelings.
Without feeling your partner’s presence and sex, the need for physical intimacy can get too much. When this happens, you or your partner might find someone else.
Cheating in a long-distance relationship is a result of an unfulfilled need for sex, that hasn’t been addressed in time. In many cases, cheating (sleeping with other people) is mixed with distrust, but that’s not always the case. There’s a difference between trust and the need for physical intimacy.
Click here to learn about cheating in a long-distance relationship.
Couples in long-distance relationships can feel deprived of physical closeness. But, if you have understanding and trust, you can talk to your partner about your feelings and needs. In doing so, you’ll be able to find a solution that works for both of you.
Many couples are in a long-distance relationship out of necessity rather than choice. It’s quite common to feel afraid and insecure when you don’t know what your partner is doing, and you miss them like crazy. You start having persistent negative thoughts and create stories that aren’t true.
While something may not be true, if you think about it long enough, it becomes part of your reality. And since this fake reality is based on negative thoughts and assumptions, it will bring you even more suffering and pain.
Ironically, these very same insecurities can give birth to jealousy and distrust. After some time, they may lead to arguments and become a self-fulfilling prophecy. This kind of problem happens when you try to make a long-distance relationship last when it’s not working.
The longer you make your long-distance relationship last, the more disappointed you will be because of the lack of physical intimacy. Unfulfilled needs result in desperate behaviour that will affect your relationship, whether you are aware of it or not.
Take a look at this article on common problems in a long-distance relationship.
To say that long-distance relationships never last would be incorrect. While it may not be a healthy or happy relationship, you can make it work all the same if you choose to.
How Long Should a Long-Distance Relationship Last?
A long-distance relationship should last as long as it works for both partners. Every person has their preferences on how much physical closeness they need to feel connected to their partner. A long-distance relationship can only work when both partners are ok with it.
Usually, one partner needs physical intimacy more than others, which makes it more difficult for them to be in a long-distance relationship. That’s why you must talk to each other and hear each other out. Because even if you are ok to be apart for a while, your partner might struggle with it.
Effective communication can also be challenging. The gap in understanding can lead to misunderstandings and arguments. The more you argue, the more disconnected you will feel. Take a look at this article if you would like to learn more about online communication.
Long-distance relationships can last for a few weeks or years. Your long-distance relationship can last by making it work or by sheer patience. You can have a healthy long-distance relationship that doesn’t last long. Or you can have a long-distance relationship that lasts a long time but makes you unhappy.
A lack of understanding towards each other will result in you trying to prove your point without being willing to listen to your partner’s point of view. After a while, you risk getting stuck in a cycle of arguments and in the inability to hear each other. This creates a toxic relationship that isn’t good for anyone.
If you are stuck in a toxic relationship with constant arguments, you can try to work things out and find the way back to each other. If your long-distance relationship has been dysfunctional for some time, it may be a lot harder to care about your partner’s point of view. In this case, it’d be better to break up, even if it is only temporary.
This step by step guide will help you reflect on all aspects of your long-distance relationship to check how healthy your relationship really is.
Some couples try to make their relationship last long-distance as long as possible. But that’s a wrong approach that leads to unfulfilled needs and suffering.
While the reasons might be noble, in most cases trying to have a real relationship long-distance brings more suffering than the joy of being together. Couples in long-distance relationships go from having fun to making it work to surviving the distance (click here to get some tips) and in some cases breaking up.
Long-distance relationships last best for a short while, the longer you try to make them last, the more you will struggle with keeping it healthy. When you are in a long-distance relationship your goal and focus should be about making it work as long as you are happy being in such a relationship.
Check out this article to learn about what it takes to make your long-distance relationship work.
Many couples try to make their long-distance relationship last for as long as they can, despite all their struggle and suffering. While you can make your relationship last a long time, you should ask yourself if it’s the best thing for you, your partner and your relationship.
Here are some questions to help you decide how long your long-distance relationship should last:
- How much do you want to stay together?
- How long are you happy to be in a long-distance relationship?
- How long did a long-distance relationship last so far?
- If you are already in a long-distance relationship, how long have you been apart, and how are you feeling about it so far?
- Do you have the means and time to visit each other as often as you can?
- Do you have a plan to move in together?
If you find that answering questions together with your partner may help your relationship, here is a full article with different types of questions.
So, you can make your long-distance relationship last a long time. But there’s a balance between the quality of your relationship and the time it lasts. It’s better to have a healthy and happy relationship for a short while rather than being stuck in a toxic relationship for a long time.
Making your long-distance relationship work doesn’t mean staying with someone while being miserable and unhappy. It’s about having a healthy and successful relationship that contributes to your life and well-being. If this sounds like something you would like to do, our complete step by step guide can help you achieve it.
How Long Can You Maintain a Long-Distance Relationship?
You can maintain a long-distance relationship for a long time. Some couples make it last for years. But the real question is whether or not you’re happy to be in such a relationship for a long period.
A romantic long-distance relationship means that you are expecting physical intimacy, but you can’t have it all that much.
So while it can be fine to maintain your long-distance relationship for a few months, if you try to maintain it for too long, it will become a struggle.
If your relationship becomes a struggle, take some time to reflect on it to see if it is worth your while or is it better to end your relationship and move on. Should you decide to end your long-distance relationship, check out this article on how you can do it in a healthy, respectful and loving way.
You can make a long-distance relationship work as long as you and your partner are willing to make an effort. But it’s more important to have a healthy relationship than the one that lasts a long time.
Take a moment to reflect on your relationship to see if you are happy, or miserable most of the time.
Many couples try to make their long-distance relationship work even if they are unhappy, and their relationship becomes toxic. If you find yourself in such a relationship, take a week to reassess if it’s worth it or not.
Ask yourself, why are you struggling in this relationship? Maybe you’d be better off ending the relationship that isn’t working and finding someone else with whom you can be happy and enjoy your relationship.
You may find yourself in a long-distance relationship that lasts longer than you planned or longer than what you are happy with. If this is the case with you, take some time out to reassess.
Here is a guide to help you and your partner review how the distance affects your relationship and what you can do about.
How Long Is Too Long for a Long-Distance Relationship?
In every long-distance relationship comes a point when it becomes unbearable. It can result from a lack of physical intimacy or one partner losing the emotional connection.
Trying to make your long-distance relationship beyond this point may not only be unhealthy, but it can also be a waste of time.
One of the first signs that your relationship is starting to last too long is when you are holding back your feelings instead of sharing them.
Another sign is talking too much or too little. If you talk too much, you might be trying to feel closer, because you are losing the connection. If you talk too little, you might be avoiding conversations because they are no longer fun.
Here is a workbook to help you and your partner improve your communication, so you can bring up and address various issues in your long-distance relationship.
Try talking to your partner about the big picture of your long-distance relationship. Discuss how long it lasted and share your feelings about it. In the end, you can make a short-term plan of where you’d like this relationship to go, can you make it work and how much longer it can last.
How to Make Your Long-Distance Relationship Last
- Talk to your long-distance partner about what you want from this long-distance relationship.
- Make a plan for how long the long-distance will last in your relationship until you can move in together.
- Agree on how often you are going to talk to each other.
- Schedule your visits to see each other regularly.
- Agree to be open and honest about your feelings.
It’s okay to make your long-distance relationship last for a few months while you are getting to know someone online. However, if it lasts for too long, a long-distance relationship can be hard to maintain.
Suppose you are looking for a serious romantic relationship. In that case, you should have a plan on when you will be able to move in together and how you will make the long-distance relationship work in the meantime.
So the big question here is, do you want the long-distance to last or do you want a relationship to last?
Step 1 – Talk to Your Long-Distance Partner About What You Want from this Long-Distance Relationship
When you start a long-distance relationship, you don’t always know where it’s going to take you. But most of the time you know what you’re looking for in a romantic partner.
For example, you might be looking for a casual relationship where you can travel and see each other from time to time. Perhaps, you want to start a more serious relationship with someone from a different culture.
Whatever your reasons, you and your prospective partner should be on the same page. If you know what you want from the relationship, you can talk about it with the special someone you met online.
If you don’t know what you want from a partner and the relationship, you’re more likely to find yourself in relationships that don’t work for you.
Keep in mind that you don’t need to do it right away. It will take you a couple of months to get to know each other’s beliefs, values, and interests. But if you are getting on well together, there will come a time for you to visit each other. If you enjoy each other’s company, you can consider moving in together.
Click here to learn about moving for a long-distance relationship, and what you should consider beforehand.
While it skips many people’s attention, sharing your feelings, thoughts and desires is one of the most fundamental things in a relationship. Unless you express how you feel, what you think, and what you want, you partner will not know any of that.
So, even if they want to make your relationship work, it’ll be next to impossible without know the state of your relationship, which depends on how each of you feels.
If you or your partner find it difficult to express and share, use this workbook as a guide to get you talking and discussing what’s important for you and your relationship.
Step 2 – Make a Plan for How Long Your Long-Distance Relationship Will Last Until You Can Move in Together
While in the beginning, long-distance relationships can be a lot of fun, at some point if you like each other you will want to take the next step.
Long-distance relationships have a lot of uncertainties. Your worries and insecurities can turn into doubts and distrust. A plan and a timeline can give you reassurance and a direction for where you’re heading in your relationship.
Suppose you are already in a relationship before the long-distance comes into it. In that case, you also need to plan for when you can get back together. Long-distance relationships have a lack of physical intimacy. That’s why they shouldn’t last for too long.
If you don’t yet have a plan for your relationship, you absolutely need one if your relationship is to have any chance of success. To help you get started, here is a practical workbook that will guide you through the necessary steps.
Step 3 – Agree on How Often You Are Going to Talk to Each Other as long as Your Relationship Lasts the Long Distance
When you are away from your romantic partner, effective communication will help you maintain emotional intimacy. Without effective communication, you may have a lot of confusion and misunderstanding is that it can result in unnecessary arguments.
It means that if your partner prefers to have conversations over a video call, they may not be willing to spend too much time texting.
Two major problems in communication while in a long-distance relationship are excessive communication and lack of communication. If you spend too much time talking to your long-distance partner, your conversations will become boring, and you will run out of things to say. You will also have less time to do something you enjoy with people you love.
If you don’t communicate enough, you risk drifting apart.
To maintain the connection in a long-distance relationship, you should talk about interesting and meaningful things. Sharing your feelings, doubts, and concerns will help you stay connected and maintain understanding.
Here is our complete guide to communication in a long-distance relationship.
What is a romantic relationship without physical intimacy? It is either a friendship or an unhealthy relationship. So, as long as you are in an LDR, you absolutely need to make sure you are visiting each other regularly.
It is equally important that during your visits you discuss your relationship. Many couples make a mistake of making the most of it by having fun and completely ignoring the problems.
Visits are your opportunity to connect physically and emotionally. And, to do that you need to talk about everything that comes to your mind regarding your relationship. This includes all the good parts and all the challenges.
Unless you identify the problems, there’s nothing you’ll be able to do to fix them and this in turn will destroy your relationship or at the least it’ll make your LDR unbearable. If you don’t know where to start, use this workbook together with your partner to get on the same page and make your every visit count.
Step 4 – Schedule Your Visits to See Each Other Regularly
The lack of physical intimacy is a big issue in a long-distance relationship. The only way for you to maintain a physical connection is when you visit each other or go on spontaneous trips together.
That’s why you must schedule regular visits to maintain a physical connection with your long-distance partner.
Step 5 – Agree to Be Open and Honest About Your Feelings
Throughout your relationship, your feelings may change. If you have poor communication or aren’t in a position to see each other often enough, you may drift apart.
You can avoid many issues by having open and honest communication. It’s also essential that you express yourself clearly so that your partner understands what you mean. Doing so will help you avoid confusion and misunderstandings.
Poor communication can lead to unnecessary fights that can ruin your long-distance relationship.
If you don’t see each other regularly, you may develop sexual frustration. This frustration will spill into other aspects of your life and will make your relationship more challenging.
Do Long-Distance Relationships Last in College?
Teenage long-distance relationships can last all through college. But it’s not an easy thing to do, nor do I think it’s necessary. When young people go to college, there are many temptations to get together with other people, particularly in the freshman year. And while you may have all the intentions to stay together, in reality, it requires a lot of restraint.
Teenage years are supposed to be the time to discover the world and grow as a person.
If you restrain yourself, you will miss out on this opportunity. And it may come back to you in your future relationship. If, however, you get to study, party and meet new people, you’ll learn what you like and what you don’t. After having a few relationships, you will be clear about what kind of relationships are right for you.
Click here to learn more about long-distance relationships in college.
How Long Can a Long-Distance Marriage Last?
A long-distance marriage is somewhat different to a less committed relationship. It can be hard to maintain a relationship over a long-distance.
In an “unbound” relationship, if your feelings change, you can act on it quite freely. You can discuss your feelings and if your long-distance relationship isn’t working, you can just end there and then.
A long-distance marriage means you are in a more serious relationship. Marriage means you have shared history and have plans. It also means that you are very committed to each other.
All of this means that if you lose feelings or your feelings fade away, your commitment can still keep you together. One thing you can do is to talk it out with your partner as if you don’t have this marital commitment. Doing so will help you home in on your true feelings. Once your feeling is out in the open, you can factor in goals and objectives for your relationship.
Together, you can make your long-distance relationship last for a bit longer or see if it’s time for a change.
To learn more about a long-distance marriage, take a look at this article.
Long-distance relationships can last for years or they can last for a few months. But how long your relationship lasts long-distance is less important as how healthy it is during this time.
People see long-distance relationships as something very hard, where the suffering is inevitable. Sure, in some aspects, long-distance relationships can be challenging. But a long-distance relationship isn’t a race, by the end of which you get a medal. Like any other relationship, it’s a journey that requires your time and effort.
So if you don’t enjoy the journey, you might be wasting your time that can be better spent with someone else. That’s not to say that you have to break up at the first hurdle, of course not. There are many ways to make your long-distance relationship work. Even when you find yourself dealing with some issues, there’s a chance they can be fixed.
This article covers common problems in long-distance relationships and some ideas on how to fix them.
Whether you decide to make your long-distance relationship last or to cut it short, make sure you decide together with your partner openly and honestly.
When you find yourself in love with someone who leaves away from you, you may face a long-distance relationship.
Long-distance relationships are a great way to meet new people or a way to maintain an existing relationship if you have to be away from your current partner.
The problem with trying to make a long-distance relationship last for a long time is the lack of physical intimacy. A romantic relationship implies having someone close to you with whom you can be sexually intimate whenever you feel like it.
When you are in the long-distance relationship for a long time, your sexual needs will be unfulfilled. At that point, you can either suppress your feelings and try to make your long-distance relationship lasts longer. But doing so is going to backfire, and your relationship is likely to turn into a struggle that brings you more suffering than joy and fulfilment.
Many couples try to make the long-distance relationship last as long as they can. They do so, even if they are unhappy in this relationship. If you find yourself in this predicament, take a week away from your relationship to reassess if it’s worth it for you or not.
How Healthy Is Your Long-Distance Relationship?
If you are having doubts about your long-distance relationship and are not sure if you should try to fix it or let it go, here is our step by step guide to help you and your partner reassess your relationship and make an educated decision that works for both of you.
Relationship Coaching for Long-Distance Couples
Long-distance relationships are hard to maintain without knowing exactly what they involve.
However, once you understand what long-distance relationships are, what they are not and how to navigate them, you are a lot more likely to make it work.
We specialise in helping long-distance couples create and maintain a healthy relationship by building intimacy, trust and effective communication.
If you are starting a long-distance relationship or are already in one, send us a message to book an individual coaching session for yourself or a couples coaching session for you and your partner.
Coaching Session – 60 minutes$120.00
Frequently Asked Questions
How long do long-distance relationships last?
A long-distance relationship is a phase of a relationship. While it can work very well for a short period, after some point, it can become destructive for your relationship.
Can a long-distance relationship last?
A long-distance relationship can last as long as you make it last. But, you should know why you are trying to make it last. If it’s out of duty or obligation, maybe take some time to talk about it with your partner to see if it’s worth it.
Is a long-distance relationship sustainable?
A long-distance is sustainable, but it doesn’t make it healthy. You can sustain your long-distance relationship for a long time, but at some point, it becomes unhealthy and leads to problems.
Do long-distance relationships last in college?
How long your long-distance relationship lasts depends on you and your partner. Before one of you goes to college, agree that whatever happens, you can still be friends. This way, if your feelings change or you meet someone else, you would be able to talk about it instead of feeling guilty and potentially cheating.
How long can a long-distance marriage last?
A long-distance marriage can last longer than other long-distance relationships mainly because it’s a more serious relationship with greater commitment. But you should take care and avoid maintaining a long-distance marriage because you feel forced to do so. If your feelings change, talk about it, discuss it, and find a way forward that works for both of you.
How to make my long-distance relationship last?
You can make your long-distance relationship last by having effective communication, a plan, and a timeline for when you will move in together. A long-distance relationship without an end date can you bring you a lot of uncertainties. The uncertainty, doubts and insecurities can quickly turn your relationship into suffering.
How to make a teenage long-distance relationship last?
As a teenager, you may have fun having a relationship with someone who lives far away. The problem with that is that you close yourself from forming relationships with people around you. Suppose you are in love and you have the means to visit each other regularly. In that case, you can try to maintain a fun and exciting long-distance relationship. But if you find yourself struggling in such a relationship and being depressed from missing your partner, perhaps it’s time to reconsider being in one.
How long can a long-distance relationship last without seeing each other?
Long-distance relationships are romantic relationships. A romantic relationship implies having physical intimacy as well as an emotional connection.
You can maintain an emotional connection by having trust, understanding, and open communication. Physical intimacy, on the other hand, can become an issue.
If you have the money and time to visit each other as often as you’d like, then it’s not a problem. But for couples who don’t have that freedom, it can be a deal-breaker.
How can a long-distance relationship last?
The success of a long-distance relationship doesn’t depend on whether or not you can make it last. A successful long-distance relationship is the one that helps you achieve your relationship goals.
If you are starting a new long-distance relationship with someone you met online, your goal is to get to know each other and possibly move in together.
You can also opt-in for an open long-distance relationship. It’s a less serious relationship and is more like a holiday. The idea of ‘sharing’ a partner with others doesn’t sit well with most people.
But if your long-distance relationship isn’t working, and you have no way of getting together, it could be worth a try before you decide to end it altogether.
How can I keep my long-distance relationship going?
To keep your long-distance relationship going you have to know where is going and when are you planning to get there. Keeping a long-distance relationship going without a specific goal isn’t going to work very well in the long-term. Long-distance relationships work better for short periods.
For example, you may be in a long-distance relationship with your partner because of job relocation. So you may want to keep it going for a few months while everything settles down.
You may also be in a long-distance relationship because you’re starting one with someone you met online. Until you meet the person in real life, you will not really know who they are and what it would be like to be with them.
To keep your relationship going for a few months before you can be together, you should build a strong and healthy foundation for your relationship.
It’s fine to spend a couple of months getting to know each other online. And after you’ve decided that you know enough, you should meet to see what it’s like being together.